[MIDI rock music]
[typing]
When Microsoft released Windows 95,
in 1995 of all years,
it was a pretty big deal.
Gone was the requirement of DOS being installed before Windows,
and promises of better, faster gaming
were a big part of the appeal of the new operating system for some.
While you had games like Solitaire and Minesweeper on previous versions of Windows,
Windows 95 came with a game called 3D Pinball Space Cadet.
Around this time, Sierra Online was looking to expand its reach
by publishing a wider variety of games.
And after the success of Space Cadet,
3D Pinball was a prime candidate.
This wouldn't be Sierra's first foray into PC pinball,
as they had released Dynamix's Take-A-Break Pinball
for Windows 3.1 in 1993.
But it was a 2D pinball game.
Dynamix got to work on a more advanced pinball game for Sierra,
and the result was 3D Ultra Pinball,
released for the holiday season of 1995
for Windows 3.1, Windows 95 and Macintosh computers.
"The fastest pinball in space."
No doubt a subtle jab at the already popular
3D Pinball Space Cadet.
And it wasn't just 3D Pinball, it was 3D ULTRA Pinball.
Hmm, that's a step beyond.
This was a time when graphics using a 3D perspective
were still new and exciting,
so the back of the box pushed this gimmick for everything it was worth.
Truth be told, the game is still entirely 2D,
but hey, don't tell the marketing guys that.
Inside the box, you get a game on a rather unassuming blue CD,
as well as a manual covering the basics of pinball,
as well as the basics of the basic gameplay, basically.
Start the game up, and you're greeted with the Sierra intro sound that still never gets old.
as well as the little "Phew!" Sierra furball dude.
"Phew!"
"Sierra!"
You then get a full-motion video introduction cinematic,
showing absolutely nothing representative
of actual gameplay whatsoever.
But daggone, it sure it perty, ain't it?
The menu itself is pretty self-explanatory.
You can read how to play,
change some preferences,
ogle the high scores,
or play pinball.
The help is pretty darned useful if you're new to pinball,
since it shows the different techniques you'll want to use
to get the most out of your game.
There aren't many options to choose from
in the options to choose... from... menu.
So you'll mainly be looking at the controls, here.
Unfortunately, this is one of those pinball games
that recognizes both left and right Shift keys as a single key.
So you can't activate the flippers by using the shift keys.
And since that's my preference, this is lame.
Starting a new game gives you the option to choose from three pinball tables,
or play through all three tables as you unlock each table by playing,
if you're good enough.
You can also play multiplayer with three other people in a hot seat fashion,
providing you're not one of those "forever alone" types.
In that case, you can just play with yourself,
multiple times over in a row.
VOICE: Colony Table activated.
To start bonus events, hit the glider twice.
Good luck.
LGR: If you haven't noticed from the graphics and feminine computer voice by now,
3D Ultra Pinball is aesthetically based on another game by Sierra,
the failed strategy game Outpost.
Yes, the game that I consider one of the worst that I own.
Thankfully, you only get the awesome sci-fi look of Outpost
without all the buggy and confusing gameplay.
It really does look quite nice,
and while it's somewhat of a misnomer to call it 3D,
the pre-rendered 3D tables and objects looked awesome back in the day.
Do make sure that you run the game in 640x480 resolution at 256 colors, though,
because otherwise the animations won't work properly
and the graphics will be hideously stretched.
And you may not be able to notice it in the video so much,
but there is some pretty crazy dithering going on,
especially when you see movement.
While this was improved in later 3D Ultra Pinball games, here you're stuck with it.
Now as for the gameplay itself...
Well, the end goal of playing these tables is to upgrade your colony enough
to where you have the resources to build
and launch a spaceship.
And don't ask me to show you this
because I have not even once come close to being able to pulling it off.
But, yeah, it's a pretty neat idea,
and allows you to change the different pinball tables' layouts as you play.
Often this will come in the form of a bonus mode,
where you'll hit some kind of target or complete an objective.
Sometimes you'll get a bunch of bulldozers to drive out on the table,
or maybe you'll cause a phallic electrical thingie to rise up from underground.
You'll also be able to access different tables within each table,
often to the left and right of the main middle table.
All of this provides some very welcome variety
to the classic game of pinball,
although it is, of course, not very realistic.
But that's one of the beauties of pinball computer games.
You don't necessarily have to make a table that can exist in real life.
However, it's not long before the experience really starts to go sour,
especially if you played previous PC pinball games,
even 2D ones, like Epic Pinball or Pinball Fantasies.
For one thing, the music and sound effects
really leave something to be desired.
Many of the sounds are just stock effects
that you hear in other places,
giving it an almost low-budget feel.
That, and sometimes the ball will get stuck in between bumpers,
resulting in an awful and extremely loud sound.
[rapid-fire electronic sound]
And then there's the music, which is really pretty bad.
It's just generic,
bland and repetitive.
Nothing like the awesome music
from the Digital Illusions pinball game, for instance.
Also, it's MIDI music,
so depending on your sound card setup, it might sound like crap,
or get stuck on one note
and sound like a dying vacuum cleaner.
And finally, the biggest thing that seriously sucks
about 3D Ultra Pinball is the ball physics.
Yeah, this is a pretty major problem,
considering the entire GAME of pinball is about ball physics.
The biggest issue here is that ball just doesn't feel right at all.
It feels too floaty and inconsistent
to ever really get a feel for what it's going to do next.
Another thing that doesn't really work properly are the flippers.
Forget pulling off any of those classic pinball moves
that you were told how to do in the help menu.
The flippers are just too strong and imprecise to pull off many of those
with any semblance of regularity.
That said, I still enjoy 3D Ultra Pinball,
if only because of the nostalgia
and I just like PC pinball.
It's not the game I go to when I want to play some PC pinball,
but it's the game I go to when I want to play some 3D Ultra Pinball.
The game has some pretty glaring issues
that prevent it from being an excellent pinball game.
But the awesome-for-the-time graphics
and the constantly shifting table layouts and goals
make it an interesting game to screw around with
for a few minutes, at least.
And it's cheap as balls
to find a copy nowadays,
so if you find it for a few bucks, I'd grab it.
But otherwise, I'd just look out for the later games in the series instead.