No offense. I mean, we all have different goals in life.
I'm not sure what this family has to be proud about here.
It's The Proud Family, for the Game Boy Advance.
The Low Expectations Family, maybe.
Obviously, the game's based on the Disney channel series, The Proud Family. This thing
was released in 2005, and a couple weeks later, the show was cancelled. You can believe whatever
you want, about that situation. I mean, the Game Boy Advance had a lot of crappy kids
games, but...this one might take the cake. And then it throws that cake, into a volcano.
And I'm pretty sure lava cake...
Like, I'm pretty sure that's a different thing.
So you play as Penny Proud. And basically, you help her with her bullsh*t chores for
a few hours. Until you get bored and throw the cartridge into a fire. Lot of throwing
things into fires, with this game. Which is indicative of how hot angry the f*cking thing
makes me. This is an entire game about picking up toys. And uniforms, for your dad's office.
Let me tell you something. When I stopped needing to buy a Trapper Keeper?
I stopped needing to do that crap.
But I guess the target audience for this chore simulator probably does, so. Whatever. There's
much bigger issues here, anyway. Specifically, it's no damn fun. And I think fun...that also
falls somewhere within the parameters of, you know, something for kids. I mean, this
thing's a little too close to their everyday lives. Like, there's no fantasy, or entertainment,
you know?
There's not much of a video game.
It's, just...the most menial, normal-ass activities ever.
So you walk around town. People give you objectives. Like, hey, pick up some cans for this freaking
guy, pick up some basketballs for this freaking lady...picking things up, too. There's a lot
of throwing things into fire, and a lot of picking things up. It's 50/50, with The Proud
Family. Like half iced tea, half lemonade. Only with the iced tea, the leafs were poisonous.
Picked in the Amazon, or some sh*t. By monkeys who were filling thermometers with liquid
mercury, and then forgot to wash their stupid monkey hands.
So the game design doesn't have much game design. It doesn't play all that well, and
the objects are kinda hard to find, for little kids. But even beyond that...this is just
a turd sandwich. Total and complete. Pickles and everything. I mean, the graphics...holy
crap, you guys. It's an ugly game even for ugly games. In fact, and I say this a lot,
but this one seriously looks like something that was put together in Microsoft Paint.
I mean, seriously.
Like, what do you want me to say about this?
That stuff you doodled, in Windows 98? Backgrounds, in The Proud Family.
You can play the game in its story mode, if you want...or you can also play the minigames
individually. Why you would ever want to do that is beyond me. It's not like there are
scores or anything. Something to strive toward. It's, just...oh, okay, you won. Now go continue
with the story. There's no reason to play them...other than to not have to play them.
I doubt anyone has ever played this individually.
No one outside of a mental institution.
I have never seen a single episode of The Proud Family, so I'm in no position to make
a comment on that. What I can tell you...is that this game is so bad, you could give it
to Penny Proud herself, and she'd be like, "Eh. No, thanks, this game kind of sucks."
And then she'd be grounded, for her language. And they'd make a video game, about how she
spent her time locked in her room. A sequel to this crap. You'd just sit there and read
books.
And then you'd throw them into a fire.
It's The Proud Family, for the Game Boy Advance.
Don't ever buy this for anyone.