There's a web comic that's getting a lot of attention but not for
the reason the creator intended.
So the comic series is called Mom's Life Comics, and it's about the struggles of
motherhood which to be sure is incredibly challenging, incredibly difficult.
Women are expected to do it all, we all know this.
They're expected to earn an income,
they're expected to clean cook, engage in the child rearing.
During the covid pandemic they're supposed to be a stay at home moms
who do home schooling.
I mean, it's just a ton of work and I understand the frustration.
However the comics seem to mostly target husbands.
And I kinda don't like that because, and by the way it's the same for
when men are like my wife the old ball and chain,
then don't get married, don't get married.
Okay, no one forced you to do it, just don't do it.
And it's just a, it's a weird cultural thing that I've never really understood
but here's some examples of the comic that we're referring to here.
One of the many differences between me and my husband, the comic says.
And so it shows on the left hand side of the screen a woman looking at a peach,
it's the last peach in the house, and she says, look,
the last ripe peach, I'll save it for the kids, they love peaches so much.
And then on the other side you have the husband who's looking at the same peach
and thinks, look, the last right peach,
I'll use it as a special treat in my daily smoothie.
So, question number one for you Jessica and
it's not unique to this particular comic series, are they supposed to be funny?
Even if you don't like the subject matter overall, you're making a point.
I see the point being made but is it supposed to be funny?
I don't know.
>> Yeah, that I had the same thought.
It's like, that's too bad.
You resent your husband, have you tried making really low effort comics about it?
I'm sure that'll make everything better.
Problem solved.
They're not funny.
It's like this is what happened.
No joke, no punchline, nothing about it's funny.
It's just like I hate my husband will someone listen to me.
Yeah, I I think they need therapy, we're back to daddy issues again, right,
needing therapy, having psychological problems, communicate with your partner.
>> Yes.
>> If there are things that you don't like, talk about it.
Yeah, why are you making comics about and posting them online?
Come on man but thankfully, we know a really good divorce lawyer.
Seems like a real peach in West Virginia.
You can talk to him about it [LAUGH], hire him, get out of this and
then maybe focus on some other things.
Maybe comics aren't your thing, maybe you have a lot of time to do something else or
get better at comics if that's really your passion.
>> Yeah, you touched on why these complaints about spouses is
like somewhat triggering to me.
It's because all you really need to do and I know it's easier said than done and
it's not the end all be all solution, it's an ongoing conversation, I know that.
But you have to communicate with your partner,
you have to enhance that communication if you're having difficulty communicating,
couples therapy is a good idea.
Because what ends up happening I think in a lot of whether you're married or not is
there are all these little annoyances or certain habits that get under your skin.
You might experience it on a regular basis but
if you don't communicate that it's bothering you,
you just like hold it in, hold it in, hold it in and you build this resentment.
And I see this happening with so many couples and then you just kind of explode.
And I just think it's better to be communicative because
you can't assume that your partner knows when you're annoyed or
knows that you're building this resentment, right?
And yes, it took me it took me personally some time to understand this.
Some people will see, all right,
here's something that needs to be done in the household, right?
The floors need to be vacuumed or mopped or whatever, I'm the kind of person
because I have OCD where I'll see it and I'll do it immediately.
No one has to ask me to do it because I see it it bothers me, I do it.
That's not the same for my partner, right?
My husband doesn't realize it or notice it but if I talk to him and say, hey babe,
can you help me out, I just I don't have time to vacuum,
the floors really need to be vacuum he'll make it happen, communicate that.
And if you have a partner that's not receptive to your needs,
then you're not in a good relationship.
I think some people just settle and if you're with the wrong person you're in for
a lifetime of despair and that's not good.
Here's another example by the way.
So it's the husband saying quote, I'm so excited for
my birthday because it's the one day I won't have to do the dishes and
make lunches, which by the way is a totally reasonable thing to think.
And the wife says, does he think he doesn't have to be
a parent on his birthday, interesting, interesting.
>> Ridiculous, I love that you bring up settling too because that's I think where
a lot of resentment comes from,
I would rather be alone than be with someone that I don't wanna be with.
That bugs me that they ate a peach and that pisses me off and
I'm gonna make a comic about it and put it on the internet, it's not good.
And a interesting policy perspective on this is people
are incentivized to marry economically, right?
>> Yes,.
>> Tax breaks and it's we wanted to have this nuclear structure where the woman
takes care of the husband, the husband is the worker.
It worked out very well for a very long time and there are interesting studies out
of Sweden where they removed the marriage tax breaks and
far less people got married.
And so yeah, it sucks that so many people are settling.
I think that's the root of a lot of resentment in relationships.
>> That's really interesting, the Sweden study that you mentioned because yeah,
I mean if there are tax breaks.
And aside from the tax breaks, living in a dual income household there's
financial stability that comes along with that and
I don't wanna forget that or take away from that.
But at the same time, you don't wanna end up living with someone who doesn't value
you, who doesn't hear you, who doesn't see the relationship as a partnership.
And that is what any relationship is supposed to be whether it's a friendship,
boyfriend-girlfriend, same sex couple, marriage, it doesn't matter, right?
It's give and take, it's about compromise, it's about hearing each other out.
And I know for a fact that if my way of communicating to my partner was to degrade
him [LAUGH] in a comic series, it probably isn't gonna yield the results that I want,
which is someone who's listening, hearing me out and
trying to help with the issues that I'm having in the household.
So let's go to, let's do two more, okay, let's go to graphic three here.
Me trying to explain our household dynamic in terms my husband understands, so
like, I gotta dopey husband who doesn't understand anything other than sports.
So she says, on most sports teams you have a superstar or
a playmaker who makes things happen, that's me.
Then by the way, this is a disaster, do not communicate with your partner this
way, then you often have that person who just stands around waiting for
other people to make plays or shoot the ball, that's you.
We need you to step up so we can win as a team,
don't communicate that way it's not a good idea.
It's a bad idea, whether you're male or female, don't do it, bad.
>> Sports analogies, she's like, let me speak in terms you understand babe,
let's talk sports.
[LAUGH] Jesus [LAUGH] yeah, really rough, really rough.
>> Let me speak in terms you'll understand you're a loser and
you stand around and do nothing.
It's just, get out of that relationship if you really think that,
if you think he's a loser who stands around and does nothing, move on.
>> Yeah, what are you doing.
>> Yeah.
>> When people say we're a team, it's not like we're a toxic team and
you're like a terrible sports coach that's not what they meant by team man.
You're supposed to work together and you're both players on the same team.
One of you is not the coach of the other player,
which is really the energy this gives off.
Yeah, I think going back to the Medicare for all point earlier, if people had
access to mental health care, they would be able to process maybe where their
inability to communicate or communicate resentment in this way comes from.
And maybe this was her way of getting it out, right,
I need to reflect on what's going wrong in my relationship and what makes me angry.
And these comics were made.
Maybe other people are learning from this and I hope that it's a learning experience
at the end of the day, because really embarrassing in the meantime.
>> Totally and one other thing I'll say is,
a lot of people think that they have to go along with what the norms are,
the norm is, you get married, you have kids, but stop and
ask yourself if that's what you really want.
Do you really wanna get married?
Do you really wanna have kids?
Because if you're not ready for it emotionally, financially,
whatever it is, it is going to cause problems in your life.
So having children for instance, I think now for the first time people are allowing
themselves to challenge that norm and decide for themselves whether or
not starting a family is right for them and their partner.
But for the longest time no one ever challenged it and
anyone who dared challenge it would be criticized would be called selfish,
would be berated by their family members and friends.
And this final, final one that I'll read to you reminded me of that because it
writes this valentine's day, let's get crazy and try something new.
Like you only poop for five minutes in the morning, in the AM, and
then help me get the kids ready for school swoon.
I love that my partner can poop for as long as he wants.
I don't have to worry about getting the kids ready for school.
We've had the discussion.
Are we ready for this?
Do we want kids?
We don't want kids.
Having children is very stressful on any relationship.
I want you guys to understand that, okay,
anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't have kids, if you really want them,
you should expect the challenge, it's coming, it's gonna be challenging.
But if you're not gonna think it through and
just kinda go about the motions because that's what the norm is,
I think you're gonna have more problems in life as a result, I don't know.
I mean, I'm not, by the way, let me be clear, I'm not an expert on any of this.
I'm just sharing my personal thoughts and hopefully wisdom.
>> Yeah.
>> Not an expert either, but I concur, right?
There's so much pressure, to get married, to have a partner, to do the thing and so
many of my friends, right, I'm in my mid twenties and I see people doing the thing,
getting engaged, having the perfect wedding just to do the thing.
And you can tell when they're your friends and
you care about them that they don't really love that person.
And that's sad, right?
That because there's this pressure,
they're doing something that's not actually in their self interest and
it sucks that it is a societal problem, right?
It's societal norms.
It's not like they're making this decision by complete accident,
they've been taught that this is the thing that you do.
Many young girls are taught, what do you picture for your wedding day?
We're talk to aspire to marriage from such a young age.
And I remember leaving college being with a serious boyfriend,
thank God I didn't stay in that relationship.
I really wasn't happy until I forgot everything that was expected of me and
did what I really wanted to do.
And it's never too late to do that even if you're in an unhappy marriage.
Like I said, great divorce lawyer in West Virginia.
It seems like a really charming guy [LAUGH].
You can call him.
It's never too late to live your life how you wanna live it.
>> Yeah, just don't go to him if you're trying to collect child support because
he's not in favor of that.
But I will say, now the woman behind these comics wants to make
clear that she loves her husband, the descriptions of her post.
It doesn't necessarily come across in her comics that she
loves her husband because she's usually targeting him in
negative ways in her comics, but she did write this.
So I wanted to share it just so we're fair to her.
She says, before I go any further into my own experience with this frustrating
subject, I should say that this post is not a critique of Ben at all.
Ben is an amazing father and husband.
He carries quite a mental load himself and does a lot around the house.
He cooks all of our dinners, he does almost all of our grocery shopping.
He pays all of our bills and maintains our yard, he does his own laundry.
What?
Three nights per week he comes home from work and
immediately handles all evening Charlie may duties while I head out to teach yoga.
No, you lost me lady.
What inspired these terrible comics, this terrible comic series.
If he does all that, then I don't get it.
>> We're kind of on her side for a minute there.
We're giving her the benefit of the doubt a little bit.
I think this is a weird thing where she's like, no,
now people think I have a bad husband.
>> Yeah >> That's weird and
I need to dismantle that.
Kind of strange, kind of strange and we should make clear that the comics who do
the stand up routines that I hate my wife stuff that's bad as well,
this is just what we're talking about right now.
But the fact that she made this post he seems not so bad, I agree with her.
And so it's like where is this resentment coming from?
>> Totally. >> That's what needs to be unpacked.
You guys gotta work it out girl, you gotta work it out,
you don't wanna be too harsh toward her either.
We're not in her household,
we don't know the reality of anything in their personal relationship but
she's airing it and that's gonna lead to commentary, it's gonna lead to feedback.
And she doesn't like the feedback final graphic here where she says when a woman
says anything on the internet, she gets attacked.
Well you're attacking your husband through your comic series and
you're gonna get feedback on that and
you have to expect people sharing their thoughts on the work that you're doing.
Sometimes it's harsh, sometimes it's difficult but
just be kinder to each other, that's all I'm gonna say.
>> And kids are on the internet now, imagine this,
like hey I heard that you guys are fighting, it's viral.
Imagine their friends talk about it at school because they hear their parents
talking about it.
My gosh, these poor kids.