Hello and welcome to the Penn State Health Children’s Hospital
Message of Remembrance Ceremony.
We are so grateful to have this sacred time with you and your family today
to honor and remember your children,
who we have cared for,
who we love,
and who have left us too soon.
We wish we could be together today in person
as we have always found this time meaningful to reconnect with each of you.
As with many traditions over the past couple of years,
we, like you, have had to pivot and create a different way of doing things.
We have heard from many of you how this pandemic
has added a layer to your grief that we could not have imagined.
We hope that this can be a time to pause,
reflect, and remember, together.
We remember the midnight snuggles,
the quiet strength,
the rollercoaster of emotions.
We remember the waiting,
the long nights...
the early mornings.
We remember the hope,
the uncertain moments,
the tears.
We remember the resilience,
the celebrations.
We remember the small victories.
As a neonatologist, I have the privilege of being present
for the first seconds of a newborn’s life.
I have the tremendous joy of telling them “Happy Birthday!”
and showing them to their parents for the first time.
I have been present during some of the most beautiful moments in the lives of so many.
For that I am grateful every day.
I am also present during some of the most difficult moments.
Moments that no parent wants to endure.
We guide families through dark days and difficult conversations when their child is sick.
We hold on to hope alongside of you,
sometimes not knowing what the future holds.
We worry alongside of you,
wondering if decisions we are making are what is best.
We work tirelessly alongside of you, to ensure that the time spent with your child,
whether it is minutes, hours or days, is meaningful and memorable.
I’m often told that it takes a special person to work in the NICU
and how hard it must be to see babies so sick and pass away sometimes.
Yes, it is very, very sad, and very difficult some days.
But I have to say, I am inspired each and every day by the resilience of our babies and their families.
I’m inspired by the enduring love and faith that families bring through our doors.
I am also humbled by the strength, selflessness and compassion
that I witness each and every day, not only in my families,
but in my colleagues as well.
For that I am also grateful every day.
We learn so much from each and every one of you.
Your light continues to shine on here in all of us.
We remember every child,
and we remember every family.
Hello. I am Stephen Payson.
I am one of the chaplains here at the children’s hospital.
We invite you to join us in sharing this special time of memory making
as we light candles in memory of your child.
So if you are joining with us at home and have a candle nearby,
please get it out and we'll take this time to make a memory together.
As we light these four candles, I am reminded of the poem Four Candles.
However, today I am going to modify it to Four Moments.
So may this first candle be a symbol of light in the darkness through your journey of grief.
We light this candle in honor of the child whom you still long for in your hearts.
We take a moment to accept our grief.
The pain of losing you, our child, is intense.
But we also recognize that the pain is born out of the depth of our love for you.
We take a second moment to honor our courage.
The courage to acknowledge our sorrow,
as well as the courage to comfort others,
just as others have comforted us in grief.
Even more, the courage to live our lives while still growing, changing,
and honoring you, our beloved child.
We take a third moment to cherish our precious memories of you and the gift of your life.
We remember the times we laughed, the times we cried,
the times when we were angry,
as well as all the silly things you did,
the caring and all the joy you gave us.
Above all, we take a fourth moment to celebrate the endurance of our love for you.
This light represents our love and our longing that does not dim with the passing of time.
Day by day we cherish the special place in our hearts
that will always be reserved for you.
We thank you for the gift of that the unique beauty of your life
that brought, to each of us, joy and cherished memories.
Four candles.
Four moments to accept our grief,
to honor our courage,
to cherish our memories,
and to celebrate our unfading love for you.
May these four candles, these four moments,
continue to light our way as we journey forward.
We remember the tired smiles,
watching them grow,
praying for healing.
We remember the laughter,
the singing,
the courage...
We remember the tender touches,
the playfulness,
the sacred space.
Hi. I’m Jen, and this is my husband Matt.
We are the proud parents of Madison Jane Lyons.
Madison was born sleeping on January 27, 2020.
We miss her very dearly and we are happy to share a poem with you today.
This is “Just For Today” By Vicky Tushingham.
Just for today
I will try and live through the next 24 hours
and not expect to get over my child’s death,
but instead learn to live with it.
Just one day at a time.
Just for today I will remember my child’s life,
not just her death,
and bask in the comfort
of all those treasured days and the moments we shared.
Just for today I will forgive all the family and friends
who didn’t help or comfort me the way I needed them to.
They truly did not know.
Just for today
I will smile no matter how much I hurt on the inside,
for maybe if I smile a little,
my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.
Just for today
I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my child,
for they are hurting too,
and perhaps we can help each other.
Just for today I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt,
for deep in my heart I know if there was anything in this world
I could have done to save my child from death
I would have done it.
Just for today I will honor my child’s memory by doing something with another child,
because I know that would make my own child proud.
Just for today I will offer my hand in friendship to another bereaved parent,
for I know just how they feel.
Just for today, when my heart feels like breaking,
I will stop and remember that grief is the price we pay for loving
and the only reason I hurt is because I had the privilege of loving so much.
Just for today I will not compare myself with others.
I am fortunate to be who I am and have had my child for as long as I did.
Just for today I will allow myself to be happy,
for I know that I am not deserting her by living on.
Just for today I will accept that I did not die when my child did.
My life will go on,
and I am the only one who can make that life worthwhile once more.
Thank you.
We are honored to have cared for your children
and to continue to care for you during this new part of your life.
As we conclude this time we had together, I gently encourage Grace...
Grace for yourself,
and Grace for those around you.
Many parents have shared, this is an individual and unpredictable journey.
Allow your inner voice to be your guide.
If you are interested in connecting with others,
please do not hesitate to reach out.
If you need solitude,
take the time to truly be present to what you need.
Know we are here to help navigate
and explore the resources and supports that may be helpful.
In closing, please know your children have a special place in our hearts.
They will not be forgotten.
We will remember.
We remember…