Is your ex manipulating and using you,
or are they feeling something else? That's what this video is all about.
Hey, there it's clay with modern love.life. And in this video we're going to be talking about,
is your ex using you or manipulating you, or is there something else going on here?
So let me just tell you a little bit of story here. So I've talked before about my
big X in the past. Um, and I'm going to tell you another story. And this goes back to our second
time that we broke up. It was around the end of the year, uh, December we'd broken up. And,
um, I was still in contact with her, trying to get back together with her,
uh, hoping that maybe we could interact in some nice way. And it would show her
that I'm a changed person and All that. Maybe you can
relate to that probably If, if my understanding of having spoken
to many of you is true, you can probably relate to that. But anyway, um, that's what I was doing
at this point. Mind you, she had already gotten into a rebound relationship with someone else
and, um, you know, it was coming up on the end of the year. So she was trying to organize some sort
of, um, you know, new year's kind of party at the time I was over the age of 21, but she was
under 21. So, um, and all of her friends were under 21 as well, too. And you know, that is the,
the, the age for purchasing alcohol in the United States, which is where we live.
What happened was she actually asked me if I could buy some alcohol for them, for their new
year's party. And I was like, okay, well, let me, I mean, I guess maybe I could do that.
Like when does the party like, uh, should I show up? How should I dress all that stuff? She was
like, oh, actually, you know, we actually don't want you to be there. And I'm like, oh, so you
want me to buy alcohol for you? And then like, I also not invited to the party, is that right?
And she said, yeah. I said, okay, well, um, goodbye, then enjoy your, uh, not an alcoholic
apple cider. And then I hung up. Then I started looking at some different solutions out there than
what I was doing before. But anyway, the whole point of me telling you all of this is what she
just using me to get the alcohol. What you just stringing me along to get some sort of perk or
something like that. Based Off of how I know her
And her personality, I don't believe that was the case. I think that she was probably guilted
by her friends or pressured by her friends to ask me to get alcohol for them. And, you know,
as someone who, you know, I'm going to be honest with you, she's at least back then, uh, didn't
have very good personal boundaries. She didn't have much of what you would call a backbone or
the ability to speak up or, or, or stand up for herself. So she probably was just like,
okay, my friends want me to do this. I'm gonna ask, you know, my ex to do this. My, my rebound,
my new boyfriend wants me to do this. I'm going to ask my ex to do this. And so, uh, that's probably
where it came from. I don't, I think she felt bad about it. This is actually what we talk about
as, as the one-way spike strategy, I was kind of unintentionally doing it back then.
Um, but you know, just sort of the way that I ended things, it allowed her to live the
consequence of her choice. She didn't like that. And so, you know, later on,
we did get back in contact. She apologize for all that stuff, but that's, that's not part of
this story what's going on here. Is that your ex again, assuming they're they don't have some sort
of psychological disorder where they actually do want to manipulate you or use you very, very small
percentage of the population. Probably not your act. Most of the time, they're just normal,
decent people who are just trying to go about living their own life, make their own choices,
handle these complex situations in life. Just like my ex did, just how she was put on the spot by
her friends, her rebound, and said like, Hey, can you talk to your ex-boyfriend who's over 21
and get them to buy us some booze for new years, I had thankfully had some values and conviction and,
uh, you know, integrity within myself to say no to that, which is important
as well, too, by the way. But I don't think that she was
trying to manipulate me or use me. Of course, if she was someone else with
some sort of different personality who knows, but most of the time your ex is just a normal
human being. Who's just trying to do the right thing. Just trying to, you know,
make the right choices for them in this confusing, overwhelming, astonishing, complex world that we
all live in. You know, you're, you're probably confused about a lot of things. I mean,
probably with this breakup, but probably also other things in your life too, you know, Hey, it's
hits 2021, you know, we're in the middle of this global pandemic. There's all sorts of chaos in the
world and everything. Um, I'm sure you have your own doubts and questions about so many things.
And likewise, your ex is that way, especially when it comes to their relationship with you,
what they should do, what they shouldn't do. What's okay. What's not okay. How is it that the
two of you should relate to each other? How is it that you shouldn't relate to each other or are you
gonna be friends? You're gonna be something more, you're gonna be friends with benefits.
Are you gonna be something else? You get what I'm saying? And so just remember that your ex
is just a confused, anxious person who doesn't know what they're doing and just trying to make
the best out of things. And you'll be able to, um, approach them with a lot more compassion.
Of course you want to have your boundaries just like I did in that story,
but if you have compassion and if you use some of these strategies that we've talked about before,
like one way spikes of doom, um, all that sort of stuff, then you're going to be setting yourself
up for success. Go ahead and tell me in the comment section below, do you think your ex
is using you or the stringing you along or is there maybe some other sort of explanation
for their behavior anyway, take care. And I'll talk to you next time.