So, um…yeah, about this.
Um…
Well, you know, maybe there’s a lesson here.
I mean, maybe this is the universe giving us a warning, about swimming upstream, going
against the current.
Maybe it’s telling us, being an individual isn’t worth the trouble.
Or hey, maybe it’s pointing out the futility of it all.
That no matter how hard we fight it, life is flowing in one direction—toward death.
And look, I realize this is all very negative, but…
I mean, are you even watching this?
It’s The Flintstones.
Meet the f*cking Flintstones.
So they’re from the town of Bedrock.
In case you didn’t know that.
And Bedrock is kind of a strange place.
It’s, like…there are people living with dinosaurs; there are tropical plants all over
the place, but it also snows…and actually, the people eat the dinosaurs, and not the
other way around.
In fact, from what we can tell, people seem to have enslaved the dinosaurs.
What they don’t know is…uh, life finds a way.
And I wouldn’t want to be there when it does.
Nonetheless, here we are, it’s Bedrock.
You’re in the shoes of Fred Flintstone.
Who’s not even wearing shoes.
As he does favors for everyone.
Find Wilma’s necklace.
Find Barney’s fishing hook.
Find shelter, because at some point, the raptors are gonna show up, and that’s when the attack
comes, not from the front, but from the side, FFSSSHHH—from the other two raptors, you
didn’t even know were there.
So, uh…I mean, I’m a big animation fan, so I’m obviously going into this wanting
to like it, the Flintstones is one of the all-time great cartoons.
And the good news is, there’s actually a lot to like about it.
For example, there’s always something cool that shakes up the gameplay.
Like sliding down a hill and landing on a shark…
Or driving one of those foot-powered stone cars…
Or riding a…pterodactyl…
Which, uh…well, obviously, that brings us to the bad stuff.
Not the pterodactyl, the framerate, that’s a bad framerate.
And actually, it’s a short game, too.
It’s only got six levels, and the easy mode only has four.
So there’s not much to The Flintstones.
Which is disappointing, because what is here, isn’t as bad as you might guess.
Of course, one of the big things for any cartoon game, is the presentation.
When a game’s based on a show, especially one as iconic as The Flintstones, it has to
look the part.
And the game mostly does a good job with that.
The Fred sprite isn’t fantastic, but…not bad, either.
Actually, some of the enemies look really cool, especially the bosses.
On the other hand, the backgrounds are definitely a bit plain.
Which is sort of the theme, happening here.
The game will do something good, and then something kind of “bleh.”
So it all averages out to be, just…kind of “meh.”
There’s some prehistoric math for you.
Good + “bleh” = “meh.”
Look, when you’re dealing with a cartoon game…you don’t really expect much.
It’s not very often that they’re great.
And believe me, this one definitely isn’t great—the gameplay could be tightened up,
the level design can be very frustrating, seriously, again with the goddamn fish…but
all in all, it’s not that bad, either.
I mean, this is bad, but…
Rest of the game’s better, I promise.
It’s The Flintstones, for the SEGA Genesis.
Big thanks to our pal George, from North Brunswick, New Jersey, for yabba-dabba-doing the right
thing, and sending this to the show.
Wonder if people eat dinosaurs in New Jersey…
They sleep with the fishes, in New Jersey…
Goddamn fish.