I'm very concerned that because many of us
aren't goal-oriented,
so we don't have goal-directed responses,
we are involved in reactive parenting with teenagers.
Goal-oriented responses are conceptually and morally driven.
I've thought about what is right,
I get what's going on with you.
And because of that, I have a sense of direction.
That's very different
than I sort of don't have a sense of direction,
and I just react to whatever is the issue of the moment.
That tends to be much more emotionally-laden
and much more emotionally-driven.
And reactivity as a parent generally isn't as productive
as being goal-oriented.
Now, in order to be goal-oriented,
you have to get what a teenager is
and how a teenager struggles.
Because the typical struggles of a teenager
will form your opportunity and your job descriptions.
Does that make sense?
Because your interaction with those struggles
is the way you provide preparation and protection.
Now, where do we get that definition?
You can't go to the "Bible" to "Teen 1:1"
and begin to read.
Because your Bible, in case you didn't notice this,
isn't arranged by topic.
In fact, the Bible never uses the word teenager.
So we might as well just pack it up and go home
because you got no help from that book at all.
Well, that's not true.
Although the Bible never uses the word,
the Bible has amazing things to say
about this period of time we would call youth.
Probably a more ancient, more expansive category
than the more recent Western culture category, teenager.
As I was preparing this material many years ago,
I began praying, "God, direct me to a place
where there's your information about this period of time."
And I was reading as I regularly do
through the "Book of Proverbs".
"Proverbs" encapsulates God's wisdom,
and I've determined I'm going to read
"Proverbs" till I'm wise.
Luella very sweetly says, "Keep reading."
And I was reading the first several chapters of "Proverbs",
and I realized that the format,
the structure there is a father giving instruction
to his son.
"Son, heed my wisdom.
Son, listen to my correction.
Son, listen to my counsel."
And I thought, well, that's great.
There's a father talking to a son.
I'm going to read this over and over again.
So I started reading that.
I literally read those chapters, about eight chapters,
hundreds of times, over and over again.
And as I read those over and over again,
something very interesting happened.
Themes began to rise to the surface.
You know what a theme is?
A theme is something that's often repeated.
You recognize a piece of music by a certain theme
of its notes.
I could hum some notes to you,
and you would know immediately what the music was.
And as I began thinking, something hit me.
If a father has to repeat something over and over again
to his son, what has that father identified?
He's identified a struggle.
That's why it keeps coming up.
And I realized, all of a sudden,
that in these passages we have God's definition
of the typical struggles of a teenager,
the typical struggles of someone who's in his youth.
And those struggles give me a definition
of what's hot and happening during that period of time,
and give me a definition of how I should interact with it.