-whapoosh-
TOP O' THE MORNIN' TO YA LADDIES!
My name is Jacksepticeye,
and welcome back, again, to Raft!
You know what, I think that it looks a bit different now
It got upgraded!
So all the visuals are completely different
than they've been before.
We have better lookin' water,
we have better lookin' textures
better wood
Apparently, there's a time of day now,
all the textures for these things are all different
It looks AWESOME!
And it's super weird, because
every time, I say that I am done with this game,
every time I'm like:
"You know what, I think I've done everything
that there is to do in the game"
"I think I'm just gonna leave it until they update it"
The next day, they update it
That's happened twice now
Can't be a coincidence,
can't be a coincidence, they're-they're listenin'
they're watchin'
[suspicious voice] they know what's up
So -giggle-
I mean, I don't really know what I'm gonna do
except just build more raft.
'Cuz I wanna see—Apparently there's a nighttime
in the game now.
And I wanna see that,
which will be really cool.
And it's-it's—like my other save file got a bit boring,
'cuz I had everything, and nothin' was a challenge
and nothin' was...
dangerous, or scary, or survival anymore,
it was just a case of like "yeah,
I have all the items, that's cool...
C-can I—can I go home now?"
Aw that made an x
that was cool
Pick up that thatch!
ok
What should we make first?
I keep—is there anything new?
Chairs and lights!
and a table!
Aw that's cool—and nails?
Do I need nails to actually build shit now?
Like, the way I needed rope?
Agh that's going to be tedious as fuck!
I mean at least now there's a-there's a use for scrap
'Cuz before scrap, you just had infinite scrap
for days
and weeks
and years!
Alright, come here, thatch!
I need to build a hammer, first and foremost.
Need more scrap!!
Okay
Can I have scrap?
Here's scrap
thank you
♪ I neeed scrappy, scrappy, scrappy is all I need ♪
Yes!!
ok
Build 'em up!
Wreck 'em down!
Right
So, we're building foundations,
so I need rope for that.
That's some motherfuckin' rope, yo ♪
Cool!
Makin' the raft!
Everything's coming together!
Are you all ready, for—to see me do great shit again?
I don't think you are!
A lot of you are like "Of course I'm ready,
we've seen you do this alre—of—before"
Already already
But you ain't se—oh you ain't seen
fuckin' shit like this before.
The water's all nice lookin' now,
gonna go for a swim,
gonna go skinny dipping with the shark
Oh shit don't get in the fuckin' water
-Jack's little laugh-
Don't want the shark to eat me
'Cuz I taste goood!
You don't even need to cook me 'cuz I'm so hot.
Is that a good joke?
the fuckin' best joke -laughs-
Tin cup
water
Cook that shit!
Paaaass that shit
Good shit y'all!
Hyoowoo!
I need to make a spear as well,
'cuz what if he starts attacking?
k
I need-I need lots of everything
pls
please and thanks 2x
Where's that scrap goin'?
haHAH!
GOT 'EM!
GO AWAY!
I know I dipped a toe in the water, but if you
never, ever fuckin' dipped a toe in the water,
you don't just attack someone dippin toes in the water
I know you're hungry! But as I said,
plenty more fish in the sea
fuck off and find them
Get my water
MMMMmmm, tastes slightly salty,
but less so than before.
c'mON!
Now I have a spear
MAN HAVE SPEAR, BUILD FIRE!
KILL SHARK!
You better get the fuck away from me
I ain't jokin' out here in the water!
I was-I was in a boat,
with lots of people, on a cruise,
and everyone was half naked and it was awesome.
But now I'm out here,
strugglin' to stay alive
It's a lot different.
I don't like it out here,
you think I'd be out here unless I had any other choice?
NoOOo.
This is all that's left of my boat,
I'm trying to fucking rebuild.
I don't know why I'm talking to the shark,
it's not like he's fuckin' listenin'.
All he's like is "Jesus, will that food ever stop talkin?"
Oohp he's tryin' it, he's tryin' it!
Aw, you're cute!
Oh god!
Oh, it makes horrible sounds now!
whapoosh, whapesh poosh!
I should've just stabbed ya "whapoosh,
TOP O' THE MORNIN TO YA!"
You'd fuckin' listen then, wouldn't ya?
I
need
scrap, scrap? scrap, scraaap
Thankers
haha! A cooking station.
We're gonna be the fuckin'
Gordon Ramsay of the Seven Seas.
Captain Ramsay!
That's what they'll call me.
Who, you might ask?
You and your fuckin' fishy shark friends of course
Who else?
Fuckin' Cruella De Vil?
No, she's not out here,
she's busy trying to catch dalmatians
♪ Making rope, making fishing rod,
gonna catch some fish! ♪
♪ Away we go, away we go!
here comes that barrel, ohhoh yeah ♪
Get the fish
get the fish now!
AH wapoosh!
HWHAAAPOOSH!
Well I'm catching raw mackerel,
easily,
fuckin' easily!
Surely you're able to catch some fuckin' fish as well,
in your big mouth hole.
It's because they're not bleedin' that you can't smell them.
That seems like a fuckin' "you" problem
I have a raw beet!
Where did I get a raw beet?
Was that just in the fuckin'...?
Didn't I...fill this?
Uhh, hello?
I thought I—
either I filled it or I can't fill it—
ooh wait I got the wrong fuckin' thing ahahaha!
I tried to cook it on me cooker!
It can't cook it on the cooker, all it can do is
cook fish on that.
This looks like on of those fish that would like
"♪ Hello my baby, hello my honey,
hello my ragtime gaaal ♪"
I don't know if I'll just trust a raw beet that
was fuckin' floatin' in the water!
At least I had this from the shipwreck,
it was just sittin' in my pocket, and I was like:
"Ah yeah, I was supposed to give that to Agatha..."
Awwww shit now she's dead.
FUCK!
I NEED THAT!
That's my (deep, creepy voice) sustenance
~sigh~
Feels good man!
Feels good to be a winner!
Actually, I need these
HOOWEHBOO
Oh, it's gettin' dark!
Oh maybe I should make some lights.
COOKed
mackerel! Oh it tastes good in my belly!
What do I need for this?
I need to use my tin cup to make you?!
But I
don't
wanna!!!
So I make a new one, I need more
SCRAP!
Ah that's pretty!
♪ Oh so pretty, I feel pretty,
and witty, and briiiight!!! ♪
♪ I think I'm going crazy,
probably went crazy a while ago♪
I've got two empty tin cans
I only need one
Now they're both full of water?!
What!
That's fucking stupid!
It didn't just s—it didn't just fiil it one,
and then...fuckin',
the other one,
it did a weird thing that I didn't like
Now I don't have an empty tin can!
fucks sake!
'Cuz it's full of waaaater
Blegh!
Who even needs water?
Fuckin' humans?
And shark, apparently.
'Cuz all he does is swim around in it
If you like water so much, why don't you fuckin' marry it?
Ok now take this down
Drink
And then make a standing light.
MAN BUILD FIRE!
SHARK NEED TO stay away—
that's a big fuckin' moon!
No wonder there's nothin' but water all around me,
I'm not even on Earth anymore.
I'm in some fuckin' weird place,
that has a giant moon and that's why
the tides are so high!
I'm gonna cook my beet.
D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-DROP THE BEET
-intense dubstep plays-
I guess...
If I caught...
some more fish I could drop the bass
(good one jack :D)
Got 'em.
-giggles-
Right
I need to start building up.
Uhh, rotate you.
♪ Can I not build you up?
and break you dooown ♪
♪ probably not ♪
♪ I need all this shit ♪
♪ Gimme more scrap ♪
Scrap is like the-the one material that I need the most of
Cooked beet!
Oooh tastes goood!
As an irishman, we're all about our root veg
Our root winter veg
We fuckin' loves it we do
Uhhhhh, right
Can I—OH LOOK at this big mama llama comin' in
HELL YEAH BROTHA!
Where's that shark gone?
I'LL fuck him up if he comes near me!
DAAH FUCKIN' JESUS CHRIST!
I WAS JUST ASKIN' ABOUT YA!
GET OUTTA HERE!
fuckin' hell
Christ almighty
There we go!
Motherfuckin' stairs y'aaaall!
Might I say,
you are looking quite lovely tonight,
in the GIGANTIC MOONLIGHT!
It might as well be fuckin' daytime!
Who needs the sun,
when you have a moon the same size?
Actually that's fuckin' bigger!
actually, that's 'cuz it's closer,
that's a stupid thing to say -giggles-
-laughs at himself-
Neeevermiind
Le pillar!
I put you there
because I can build
off of you
aHA!
The start of my new base has begun!
The world has never seen,
a base this...
big—actually,
several other youtubers have built bases
waaaay fuckin' better than ones I build.
But you know what?
I bet they don't have the stories.
I bet they don't have the fun-fun
The way I have,
like Kazoo Kid
I learned from him
No not Felix
♪ Morning's here
the morning's here! ♪
♪ Sunshine is here ♪
♪ The sky is clear,
the morning's here ♪
I need to build more stations for things
I need to build grow beds,
I need to build trees!
I NEED TO BUILD,
THE BEST SHIT,
ANYBODY has ever seen!
A cropplot
I can fuckin' build this,
watch this
Pow!
Rope!
And watch this—OH WHAapoosh
That didn't get the wood that I needed
fuck
Okay, a-whaPOOSH
I GOT it!
Y'all were doubting it like "That's a bit sideways..."
and I'm like
"Fuckin
BELIEVE"
The game actually looks really nice now!
The water looks really, really nice.
I am very impressed.
Can I make a growbed?
Need more fuckin' wood bro?
I'm building a growbed, not a fuckin' log cabin!
I swear I'm trying to build Chuck Norris's
house up in here
Yeah, he grew up in a log cabin,
'cuz he's a badass like that
Ah, put you
pbbt
And then, put my little 'taters in there
and I'm gonna have ALL the potatoes!
See, I know how to grow,
as a person,
and!
food.
You know what I'm gonna do?
Because I'm out here in the water,
and I haven't much else to do except survive,
and...
make rafts,
when I get saved
—no not if, when—
It's gonna happen,
if it can happen to Tom Hanks,
it can happen to anybody
All he did was put the fuckin'...
things down in the-in the sand and people were like,
"Hey, there's a guy down there."
Surely I can do better than that!
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna start building rafts when I get back.
There's a BIG amount of people that
would love some rafts!
And if I know how to build them here,
out of very scarce materials,
then, I should be able to build them,
ANYWHERE in the world.
They're gonna be great,
everybody's gonna be talkin' about them for decades.
Jack's Rafts!
Doesn't that have a nice ring to it?
I think so
I think, that that is going to be the future
for me
I—fuck, I should've put that in the corner,
I didn't realize I was gonna come back here!
That's stupid of me!
Actually, maybe we'll come back further,
and then I'll put a tree up there.
'Cuz I like trees, trees are cool,
trees are nice!
Trees don't talk back
You know what talks back?
Sharks.
Are-are you doin' what I think you're doin'?
Are you fuckin'—are you comin' to take a slice?!
OH I'LL TAKE A SLICE!
A SLICE OF THAT FUCKIN' ASS!
GET OUTTA MY HOUSE!
Comin' up here, fuckin', tryin' to kick my dog
Ah fuckin' naw this dog kicks back!
I need to start repairin' shit.
'Cuz he took a naaaasty chunk outta shit.
Ok, I need nets as well!
Where's a net when you need her?
How's me 'taters?
Ahsure look at them!
Can I harvest them yet?
Harvest?
Harvest!
Nice!
and we plant three more!
Fuck yeah dude!
This is where-this is where the fun begins
HWHAPOOSH!
That was a bit shit, actually
that was s—craaap
I'm all talk, man.
I actually don't know how to build rafts
Ahahah my father want did no Nintendo I'm sorry
-teary inhale-
I put down some nets,
They're gonna help me,
they're gonna catch all the magic,
and all the mumbo,
yeah
ooohho
Now we don't even need a fuckin' fishing rod
Why-why would you even need a fishing rod anyway?
Everything I need, is right here now, in my belly.
Fill it with water
yes!
And then I come up here and look,
oh!
Me fuckin' tubers are growin' like ninety
Can you sprout? Can I harvest you yet? C'mon!
Dude!
I got some fuckin' sick raw beets again
Like some straight up Skrillex shit
Fuck yeah!
I wonder if I can find some Beats by Dre,
and then, an IPod
Or something—it gets fuckin' boring out here
The shark doesn't even sing tunes,
I think-I thought he'd have some fuckin' sea shanties,
or somethin'
But nooo!
All he has is a mouth full of teeth,
for fuckin' NOTHIN'!
Hate the shark...
Worst character in a video game,
shark from Raft
Wait, I'm gonna eat the cooked raw beet.
D-Are we gonna get some mad skills -music builds up-
-sea shanty plays- Oh YES!
FUCK YEAH!
oh
I guess it doesn't last long
:/
WELL THAT DOES IT for this episode of Raft!
I will be back
You thought I was gone,
oh I-I'd leave, but they keep
pullin' me back in!
Mainly 'cuz, eh the game gets updated,
and then I have to try it out and see what it's like,
Because,
I'm gonna be king of the ocean!
That's my plan
I have a better set up now, going on
and I feel like I can make a better raft this time.
Hopefully,
maybe
I have no idea
BUT ANYWAY,
THANK YOU GUYS! SO MUCH,
FOR WATCHING THIS EPISODE
if you LIKED IT!
PUNCH THAT LIKE BUTTON IN THE FACE!
LIKE A BOSS!!!
AND!
high fives all around!
I-Is he fuckin' is he—
you MOTHER!
FUCKIN'!
PIECE OF
SHIT!!!
-WHAPOOSH, WHAPOOSH-
BUT THANK YOU GUYS AND I WILL SEE
ALL YOU DUDES
IN THE NEXT VIDEO!
You outro-interrupting piece of anus!