Why my husband is not interested in me? My name is Paul Friedman. I founded The
Marriage Foundation and I founded The Marriage Foundation
because the principles that I discovered are more than worth
sharing and they're not redundant. They're not
the same principles that you find in most of society. In fact,
I think of what I have as teachings. They're not my teachings because they're
based on universal principles but they make sense. They're all
common sense and it's just that we're not exposed to them.
But I can help you with these and that's why I founded The Marriage Foundation.
It's non-profit so that you can get the kind of help
that you deserve to have. So I don't know your husband, I don't
know you but I can tell you this
that the fact that he's not showing interest in you
is just the symptoms of what's really happening. Think about it.
If you had a plant and you noticed that the leaves were
starting to curl up or that the blooms were not coming out
the way they're supposed to. You wouldn't fix the leaf.
You wouldn't fix the bloom. You would say there's something wrong
with the plant, am I over watering it? Am I underwatering it?
Is it being attacked by some bug? Is the strength of the plant compromised for
some reason? It's the same way in marriage. Now it's
good for business, for therapists when you come
in with a problem like this and then they could go, "Well, let's talk
about it." Well, I don't want to talk about it
not specifically. I want to make a suggestion to you
that I think you'll find as obvious as it is to me.
And that suggestion is there's something wrong with the plant.
There's something wrong with the marriage. There's something wrong with
your relationship with your husband and that's what's
causing the problem. So when you get married, there's an
expectation whether it's spoken or not, and that
expectation is that you're going to be happier. You get
married in order to be happy. You get married in order to experience
unconditional love. Those are the two bottom line reasons for marriage, aren't
they? To be happier and to experience
love. isn't that what you signed up for even though you may have
not said so? Because in our society, they
don't talk about those things but that's what it's all about.
If he's not interested in you then you got to follow
back to what's going on, what's not happening, what is happening
in our marriage that would cause him to disconnect from you
to the point of where he's not even interested in you
because that's not good. So hopefully, this symptom is not
indicative of the end of your marriage coming but it may be only you will know
how long has this been going on, and what are you doing to change
things. What are you doing to change the very dynamics of your marriage? Now
I'll tell you the number one
killer of all marriages is over-familiarity which means
you've got to know each other to the point of where
you start disrespecting each other. You're not consciously aware of each
other's feelings and it goes for you too not just him.
You fight with each other. You allow yourself to fight. You allow yourself to
be rude. You allow yourself to be reactive.
These are signs of over familiarity.
Now, you have a context for this when you were first dating and he said
something that you didn't like. What did you do? You didn't fight.
You probably just smiled and tucked it away or brushed it off
but then you got to know each other and your expectations of being treated well
increased but you were not aware of for, to me obvious reasons,
of the fact that he too had needs for respect and consideration.
And the slips that each of you made with each other kept lowering the
standard of communication, kept lowering the
standard of connection. And pretty soon, you guys were
not even married anymore based on the
criteria of marriage which is to be mutually supportive, loyal,
loving and all of the opposite things
of over-familiarity. You were no longer considerate of one another
and this is at the root. Now you may say, "Well,
he's not interested in me. Every time, I
bring something up it turns into a fight." Well, let me tell
you about fights. Fights don't occur with only
one person starting it. It takes the other person to react as well.
What's really going on here, and this is the good news, is that
this is a wake-up call for you. Now it's up to you what you do with it.
I can tell you from my own experience. I've been at this for a long time.
The information isn't out there. I have it
and I don't mean to be arrogant about this
but I have it and others don't. There may be some who do but I haven't come across
them. Most of them, most of the solutions for
marriages are either very shallow. They only discuss behavior or they're
completely off base and doesn't work. The proof that
most don't work is that marital problems have been
happening for a long time and the divorce rate is still over 50%.
So it takes time for information
like what I've discovered to catch on. It is catching on.
We're probably the leading marriage help organization existing right now
but even with all of how many people we reach
it takes time. So you're not going to find it in magazines and you're not
going to find it in many articles but I do have the
knowledge that you need and I really hope that you're able to
take advantage of it. Now for now just try containing yourself
and not being reactive, not being mean, not being demanding, insistent and all of
these are based on principles. I'm not just telling you what to do.
You don't be mean because a marriage, you want to be kind and loving. You don't
want to do the opposite. You don't want to be mean because that's
the opposite of kind and loving. You don't want to be critical because in
marriage, you want to be supportive. So the opposite is critical so you don't
want to do that -- very simple, It really is.
The hard part honestly which is something that I think is key to what
I've discovered is that you need to learn how to control
your mind. One of the biggest problems
that we have in the world is that people don't know
how to behave and they don't know how to behave
because they don't understand. It's not cool
to think of yourself as a soul. Oh religion, here we go. Well, I don't think
it's a religious thing to say you're a soul. I think it's
just realistic just because
you can't touch a soul with your hands and smell and taste and see
doesn't mean it's not there. I think the soul
is self-evident when you consider that love is the most important thing
for you. I hope i don't have to go over that. What's more important than
love? Well, love is totally spiritual.
It has no material content whatsoever and yet it's the most necessary
component in our life so it's spiritual. Marriage therefore is
spiritual because we want that love. You see, it all
comes together. It all makes sense. So I've written a couple of books. You
could take a look through them. They're universally available
and if your marriage is really rapidly decaying then
the course for women is for you that we have at The Marriage Foundation,
very valuable and you could look at the reviews that we have.
But you do need to start looking at your marriage
and not just this problem. I want you to be happy. I want
marriages to be successful and they all can be, pretty much all. I mean there's a
small percentage where there's some mental illness or drugs or
alcohol. It have just completely taken over and it
won't work even with what I've learned but other
than that, everyone can utilize what I have
discovered to the effect of having an off the
charts marriage. Off the charts because you
can't quantify love so it'll be off the charts.
The people who use our materials, they experience love and happiness
in degrees that they never imagined possible.
And it's because it's just not taught in our society
and you can have that same experience. Well, I hope this has been useful
and helpful for you. I hope you consider this the first step
and you'll progress more and see what we have to offer.
Blessings to you! Blessings to your husband and your family.
And subscribe to this channel so you get more of these
videos, there's a lot of them. I enjoy sharing this information and
although it's just a first step, it's a good first step.
Like this video, why not, and let people know about it. All right.
Please take care and God bless you!