FELICIA DAY: I swear to god I'm gonna [BLEEP]
cry right now.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
FELICIA DAY: Hey, guys, it's Co-Optitude!
RYON DAY: Hey, guys.
FELICIA DAY: Hey guys, it's Co-Optitude.
RYON DAY: Today we are playing the video game version of one
of the long line of [BLEEP]
Nickelodeon game shows.
FELICIA DAY: There's a boy, or a girl--
RYON DAY: There's something happening here.
It's a combination of bungee jumping and basketball.
FELICIA DAY: I never saw "Guts." Did you watch "Guts"?
RYON DAY: I never--
I think that was slightly after I stopped watching
Nickelodeon.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, when you were like, 22?
RYON DAY: I have no comeback.
That was really good.
FELICIA DAY: It was good.
Yeah.
All right, "Nickelodeon Guts." It ran from '92 to '96.
It's an Americans television action sports competition
series hosted by Mike O'Malley.
Oh, we have to have a nickname.
RYON DAY: All right.
Felicia "The [BLEEP]
Face" Day.
That has a nice bit of alliteration to it.
FELICIA DAY: Nope, that's not what I was going to say.
I will be the dik-dik.
Felicia "The Dik-Dik" Day.
A dik-dik is a little deer.
It's a little deer.
RYON DAY: You can be the dik-dik.
FELICIA DAY: When you say it like that, it sounds-- no, I'm
changing it.
I want to be the teapot.
Felicia "The Teapot" Day.
Tip me over, [BLEEP]
will come out.
What's your totem animal?
A toad?
A rat?
RYON DAY: Sure, the rat.
Ryon the Rat.
Yeah.
Gnawing away.
Shall we play this [BLEEP]?
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
RYON DAY: OK.
FELICIA DAY: Wow, this is-- whoa, don't--
RYON DAY: Photo realism.
This has got to be the pinnacle
of Super NES graphics.
FELICIA DAY: It's like a super, like a really lame
screensaver from 1996.
RYON DAY: It's an awful, like--
FELICIA DAY: Oh, look.
RYON DAY: Actually--
FELICIA DAY: Hey, it's a tutorial.
All right, let's do it.
RYON DAY: All right.
FELICIA DAY: Start.
RYON DAY: Well, were you paying attention?
FELICIA DAY: I forgot it.
No, it was down and the top two buttons.
RYON DAY: OK.
FELICIA DAY: I'm 108, 5'4.
RYON DAY: Give me some six footer.
Come on.
FELICIA DAY: These are 12 year olds.
We're playing 12 year olds.
Her favorite sport is gymnastics.
I'm gonna get her because she's tiny, and I want to see
how far I can throw her.
RYON DAY: All right, the tallest one on
the field is 5'6.
FELICIA DAY: God, my controller's squeaking.
RYON DAY: Rats.
FELICIA DAY: I'll put a Z on the end of my name, just to
make it whimsical.
Teapotz.
OK, score the most points.
That's usually the goal of most things.
Oh, god.
RYON DAY: What do we do here?
FELICIA DAY: Squat it out.
RYON DAY: Just squeeze one out.
FELICIA DAY: Ugh.
Take a poop.
Poop it.
RYON DAY: Oh, kid!
Kid, come on, kid.
Come on, kid.
FELICIA DAY: You know you're talking to yourself, right?
Uuagh!
Boom!
Throw it in!
Oh, I would have made the last goal.
Did you see that?
RYON DAY: All right, that was the opposite of fun.
FELICIA DAY: Round one.
RYON DAY: Well, Teapotz got round one.
FELICIA DAY: Teapotz the victor.
RYON DAY: All right, get to the finish line
in the fastest time.
FELICIA DAY: I mean, they're not telling me what to do.
Give me some [BLEEP]
direction.
RYON DAY: Makes you feel kind of funny.
This is the day you became a man, right here.
FELICIA DAY: Well, I'm a girl, so--
get-- ouch!
Ouch!
Oh, god!
I can never have children.
RYON DAY: Makes you wanna do it again, huh?
FELICIA DAY: I can never have children.
How am I supposed to get over there?
RYON DAY: Wow, that's a strong [BLEEP]
kid.
FELICIA DAY: I couldn't do that.
Oh!
Oh, god.
RYON DAY: If this is what it was like, a kid had to have
died on this show.
FELICIA DAY: Whoa!
RYON DAY: Whoa.
That kid's got ups.
Damn.
Oh, wow.
This is gonna be some hilarity right here.
What?
FELICIA DAY: Let's go, slide.
Ow, ow, that's--
god, the upper body strength alone.
RYON DAY: Wow.
FELICIA DAY: Wow, OK.
RYON DAY: That kid would have broken--
their shin would have been sticking out of the skin.
Oh, wow.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
RYON DAY: Just, the audience is on their feet.
FELICIA DAY: Come on, get up there, [BLEEP].
Sorry.
It's a little child.
Her favorite sport is gymnastics.
RYON DAY: Oh, wow.
FELICIA DAY: Why can't I do this?
There's no reason why it shouldn't work.
RYON DAY: Shouldn't have gotten past QA.
Bug report.
Game not winnable.
[BLEEP], that's a big one.
Oh well, ship it anyway.
FELICIA DAY: Maybe I can go back.
RYAN DAY: She's going in the wrong way, folks.
FELICIA DAY: I saw a girl do that.
RYON DAY: The home audience is just cringing right now.
The home audience is like, oh my god.
FELICIA DAY: She had such potential.
RYON DAY: That poor kid.
FELICIA DAY: It's not my child.
RYON DAY: Oh, wow.
FELICIA DAY: That was an ignoble end.
And look at me panting.
RYON DAY: All right, get up the rope, kid.
Come on, kid.
Get the [BLEEP]
up the rope.
This kid's got serious NBA potential.
FELICIA DAY: I mean, to be able to jump that high.
Did you ever, as a kid, want to be on one of these?
RYON DAY: Not anymore.
FELICIA DAY: Climbs.
RYON DAY: What?
FELICIA DAY: Whoa.
How did you do that?
RYON DAY: Wow.
FELICIA DAY: How did you do that?
RYON DAY: Just, the super jump button.
FELICIA DAY: God, [BLEEP]
you.
I didn't use the super jump.
RYON DAY: Oh, grab the pole!
And shimmy up the pole, kid.
FELICIA DAY: Do they measure life in the actual show?
RYON DAY: Yay.
Good job, kid.
FELICIA DAY: Hey, she has burly thighs.
RYON DAY: You're going places in life.
Oh, bonus round.
FELICIA DAY: What are you doing?
RYON DAY: What is he doing?
FELICIA DAY: Are you doing it?
RYON DAY: Awesome.
Ah, give me all the dandruff.
FELICIA DAY: This is so gross.
RYON DAY: Give me the dandruff.
FELICIA DAY: No, no, it's so gross.
You got all the dandruff.
RYON DAY: Did I?
FELICIA DAY: No, not really.
RYON DAY: Nope.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, balls.
RYON DAY: I got 'em.
FELICIA DAY: Clearly we didn't watch the show.
OK.
RYON DAY: Score the most points.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
I don't know what to think about this game.
Oh, not again.
RYON DAY: It's another squat.
FELICIA DAY: Not again.
We already did this, guys.
Oh, it's a smaller ball.
RYON DAY: Two minutes of this.
Two minutes of this.
FELICIA DAY: Can I just [BLEEP]
score one thing?
RYON DAY: Like, before he went on "Guts," he went to all the
kids in school, and he was like, hey guys, I'm gonna be
on "Guts." And then he like, gives the worst "Guts"
performance in the history of the game.
FELICIA DAY: What is she doing?
You're a failure.
You're a total failure.
You like gymnastics?
You clearly don't have any talent in that area.
RYON DAY: She said she liked them, as in
likes watching them--
FELICIA DAY: Oh, [BLEEP]
yeah!
I love you again.
RYON DAY: Did you get two?
How did you get one in there?
FELICIA DAY: I don't remember getting any.
RYON DAY: No, kid!
Come on.
FELICIA DAY: You realize you are the kid.
Again, you are the kid.
RYON DAY: This is like an M. Night Shyamalan twist, or
something like that.
I am the kid?
FELICIA DAY: 4 to 0.
Do I have it?
I indeed do have it.
RYON DAY: [BLEEP]
this game.
FELICIA DAY: Getting the balls in the hole.
That's my specialty.
RYON DAY: Get to the finish line in the fastest time.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, god.
RYON DAY: Wow, get a little enema action there.
FELICIA DAY: There we go.
RYON DAY: Look at that.
You grasped the rod quite firmly.
FELICIA DAY: I did.
RYON DAY: That's good.
FELICIA DAY: OK.
RYON DAY: And, lawsuit.
No!
FELICIA DAY: What?
RYAN DAY: Use super jump.
FELICIA DAY: Use super jump.
Oh, god, [BLEEP]!
RYON DAY: There's about to be an on-screen death in
"Nickelodeon Guts."
FELICIA DAY: No, wrong way, kid.
Wrong way, kid!
Ahh!
I was never athletic.
Oh my god!
What did you do?
RYON DAY: I reset it.
Whoopsie.
FELICIA DAY: Oh my god, you reset it.
We have to do all of that again.
What just happened?
RYON DAY: I hit the reset button with my foot.
FELICIA DAY: Your [BLEEP]
toe.
Why was your toe anywhere near there?
RYON DAY: It was instinctive.
Sorry.
FELICIA DAY: Even though we're doing this the second time, I
still have no idea how the mechanics work.
RYON DAY: Just, we're gonna mash buttons randomly.
FELICIA DAY: If I could be a savant at one thing in my
life, I would just want to master this.
God [BLEEP].
You blew it, Teapot.
You're the worst kitchen accessory ever.
RYON DAY: Oh!
You got it?
Do you have it?
FELICIA DAY: I don't have it.
RYON DAY: You have it!
FELICIA DAY: No!
RYON DAY: No, you don't!
Oh, wow, that could have been worse.
FELICIA DAY: All of this is physically impossible.
RYON DAY: I don't know what to say about this game except
it's really terrible.
FELICIA DAY: No!
No!
Devastating.
A devastating loss.
RYON DAY: Oh no!
FELICIA DAY: You know what?
It's not even worth it.
I'm sweating, I'm angry.
I'm angry.
I'm physically angry right now at this game.
Why would you give this to a child?
I mean, it's failure.
There's no hope to win in this game.
RYON DAY: You're at the end of your rope, would you say?
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
I was--
Not one platformer has made me rage that much.
RYON DAY: Oh, you get to do the dandruff stuff.
FELICIA DAY: I'm going to do positive
reinforcement from now on.
RYON DAY: Good, get more balls.
FELICIA DAY: Good job.
RYON DAY: Oh, that was just wretched.
Oh, good.
You got over half.
That's not even a D. That's like an F.
FELICIA DAY: I hate you.
Four foot standing jump.
That's what this kid is able to do.
RYON DAY: This one got addicted to painkillers from
all his bruises and bumps, and he never came back.
Oh, come on, kid.
Yeah!
FELICIA DAY: OK, spirals.
So this is where we still haven't figured out how to
actually dunk this.
RYON DAY: Do anything at all.
I'll bet if I close my eyes and just--
I'll be at least as good as if my eyes were open at this
particular event.
FELICIA DAY: I don't understand.
I don't know anymore.
I'm just [BLEEP]
talking.
It's coming out of my mouth, doesn't make English.
All right, at least I won something.
RYON DAY: All right, good.
We're back where we were.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, [BLEEP].
I gotta do this again.
RYON DAY: All right.
Teapot and Ratz.
FELICIA DAY: It's like nothing I do will make him do anything
that anybody would ever do.
RYON DAY: Oh, god.
FELICIA DAY: Oh my god!
Oh my god.
RYON DAY: All the way down to the lowest possible point.
Oh!
Whoa.
FELICIA DAY: Oh god, I'm further.
I'm further back.
Just give me an enema, over and over.
Look at me.
I want to stand in failure.
I just want to stand in failure.
RYON DAY: All right, run like the wind.
And, super jump.
FELICIA DAY: I hate you!
Oh god, it's awful.
It's awful.
Put me out of my misery.
You can cut me with tiny razors, and it would
be better than this.
Little tiny razors, just like, hm, there's her arm.
Ah!
I'm gonna stand in the fountain of shame.
Just bask me, just like this.
It's an indie film.
It's raining on my face.
Just why, why, why?
Why?
OK, get up.
You can do it.
I mean, you can't.
You just can't do it.
RYON DAY: It's OK, 15 more seconds, and
then it'll be over.
FELICIA DAY: It'll be over.
RYON DAY: Three seconds, you can do it.
Back to the enema.
Oh, you have a minute left.
FELICIA DAY: I mean, can I drown myself?
[BUBBLING SOUNDS]
RYON DAY: Take the honorable way out.
Wow.
FELICIA DAY: In 30 seconds, you just
bested my six minutes.
RYON DAY: [BLEEP]
this game.
[BLEEP]
this game.
FELICIA DAY: If anybody knows any existing, living "Guts"
contestants, please tell me what happened to them.
RYON DAY: Seven minutes.
FELICIA DAY: Aggro Crag.
Now, wait.
RYON DAY: I'm going aggro right now.
FELICIA DAY: We could potentially finish
this in less time.
RYON DAY: Oh, potentially.
Oh, [BLEEP]--
FELICIA DAY: Blend into the [BLEEP]
background.
RYON DAY: This is your time to shine.
Right now.
FELICIA DAY: You know I'm good at this.
RYON DAY: Just jump.
FELICIA DAY: Nope, can't do it.
I can literally climb up any pole or rope, but I can't
grasp myself onto that surface right there.
That was--
RYON DAY: Oh, just scorching.
FELICIA DAY: What the?
RYON DAY: Just scorching you with [BLEEP]
steam.
FELICIA DAY: Steam.
Ouch, Mommy!
RYON DAY: Wow, it's like, and the
crushing you with boulders.
FELICIA DAY: Mommy!
RYON DAY: This is a sick game.
FELICIA DAY: I'm just here for--
RYON DAY: Good news, you get more fitness.
That was faster than gravity normally pulls something
towards the center of the earth.
FELICIA DAY: I know.
Oh my god.
RYON DAY: Scalded!
FELICIA DAY: I just want to die.
Do you know what's happening right now?
Tears.
I swear to god I'm gonna [BLEEP]
cry right now.
I'm back at the beginning.
I'm back--
everybody's watching me, thinking, I
could do a better job.
You [BLEEP]
couldn't.
RYON DAY: Someone's going to respond with a YouTube video
of a speed run.
FELICIA DAY: Toss.
Dunk.
I'm getting tossed with every [BLEEP]
fluid.
OK, well, you know what's gonna happen?
Drown it.
Drown it out.
RYON DAY: Oh, I'm ready.
I'm ready.
I've spent the last seven minutes getting psyched up.
FELICIA DAY: Don't do the confetti.
God [BLEEP]
you.
There's nothing to celebrate here.
You know what?
That's nuclear waste.
RYON DAY: Oh, god.
FELICIA DAY: Remember when you--
RYON DAY: Just all sorts of [BLEEP]
going at me all over the place.
FELICIA DAY: Remember when you reset the button, and we
played this for twice as long as we needed to?
RYON DAY: Jump kid!
FELICIA DAY: He did it.
RYON DAY: Jump, you [BLEEP]
little turd!
God!
[BLEEP].
FELICIA DAY: Go.
RYON DAY: [BLEEP].
FELICIA DAY: Oh, god, just do it.
RYON DAY: Oh!
It's on.
Whoo!
Champion of Guts!
Oh, god, that was excruciating.
Oh, man.
There's going to be years of therapy involved in this.
Just for me, not the kid.
That kid's smiling.
That's how you know he didn't actually play "Guts." He was a
hired model.
I got it.
I caught the--
wow, that's what you got to take home?
FELICIA DAY: God, it's a [BLEEP]--
something you shiv somebody with.
First place.
Second place.
RYON DAY: God.
FELICIA DAY: Oh.
Ugh.
I'm--
suicide.
RYON DAY: It's a suicide.
FELICIA DAY: Suicide.
Yeah.
Goodbye, everybody.
Suicide.
RYON DAY: Oh, just wretched, wretched game.
That's the worst game we've ever played.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah, you guys saw it here.
If you guys have any "Guts" experiences of your own, leave
them in the comments.
We're not gonna read them.
Not for this video, no sir.
My rating for this particular game would be, you know how
sometimes in the Middle Ages, they would open somebody's
abdomen, take their guts out, and then
strangle them with them?
That's my rating.
RYON DAY: My rating is three steaming turds.
That's it.
FELICIA DAY: That's it?
I was way more imaginative.
Please subscribe, like, and share.
Sure, it's like this slide.
RYON DAY: Just like--
I don't even--
I'm not even speaking English anymore.
I can't.
FELICIA DAY: Yeah.
Thumbs--
RYON DAY: I got to go drink heavily now.
FELICIA DAY: All right.
Alcohol.
RYON DAY: I don't even know what I'm gonna do.
FELICIA DAY: Yep.
It was awful.
RYON DAY: Awful game.
Bye.