Today, I'm going to give you an epic life hack.
Like, this is going to just, oh my gosh, open the world for you.
So you ready for this?
For a long time, marriage therapists and child therapists have known something.
What they've known is that the key to understanding children,
even those who do not speak yet,
is that what they do is put you in a position
to feel exactly the same way that they feel.
So for example, the way that you feel about the child
and the way that the child makes you feel in general
is how the child feels about you and how you're making the child feel.
Well today, I'm going to tell you that this dynamic does not end in childhood.
Why doesn't it end in childhood?
Because of law of attraction.
We live in a universe that operates according to the law of attraction.
How do you understand that?
You just think of this life as a giant holographic mirror,
anything that is inside you is going to mirror externally and vice versa.
That being said, we don't often recognize the reflection
when it shows up in the mirror.
Because of the law of attraction, however you make someone feel,
regardless of whether it is intentional or unintentional,
will eventually become how they make you feel.
Therefore, it's not the children make you feel exactly how they feel.
It's that all people and even more than that,
all beings make you feel exactly how they feel.
And it isn't usually intentional or conscious on their part either.
It's that their reaction to how you're making them feel
makes you feel the exact same way that they feel.
For example, let's say that a man works from sunup to sundown.
Let's say that this man has a wife.
And because of the fact that he works from sunup to sundown,
she doesn't feel like much of a priority,
she doesn't feel like he values her.
As a result of not feeling valued what does she do?
Maybe she finds a lover, she cheats on the guy.
He finds out.
Now how does he feel?
Pretty much like she doesn't love him.
She's not seeing value in him.
An exact mirror of how he was making her feel.
Or for example, a wife feels secure
when she controls all the planning for the household.
Eventually this starts to make her husband feel
completely powerless of his own life and out of control.
Pretty soon, he refuses to commit to any plans that she's making.
This starts to make her feel powerless and out of control.
I'm not going to sugarcoat the truth for you.
The truth is mirroring sucks.
It is not fun to experience any kind of reflection
of an internal truth you don't want to acknowledge.
But the truth of matter is, you can use this mirroring within the universe,
this reflection to your advantage.
How?
How many times have you been seriously confused in the conflict situation,
you don't know what the hell happened?
It seems like that person is completely overreacting.
You don't even know what you did.
You don't understand them.
So how can you understand them?
Through understanding how you feel.
We can use this understanding
to see ourselves clearly and our impact on other people.
We can also use this understanding to actually address conflicts
in terms of what the conflicts are actually about.
Whenever someone makes you feel a certain way, especially in a conflict,
consider that the way they are making you feel
is the way you either have made them feel
or are currently making them feel.
So first, identify how you feel.
if you're in a painful relationship,
write down the many different ways that you feel in that relationship
then consider how you might have made
or be making them feel that way.
Despite what they may be saying or doing,
see them in their actions through these lens of seeing clearly how they feel
because now that you're feeling it you do get it.
From there, you want to switch your strategy to resolution.
Now that you know clearly what's at the root of it,
which is how they feel
then stop addressing all the stuff that they're talking about at the surface
and address how they feel.
Think about things you can say and do that make them feel the exact opposite.
All of your conflict resolution should be about that,
instead of any of the surface stuff
that you may be thinking this conflict has to do with.
If you want to know exactly how to address someone's negative emotion,
watch my Youtube video titled 'Emotional Wake Up Call'
and follow the steps outlined in that video with this person
relative to the way you now know that they feel.
For example, using the example that I gave earlier
with the man whose wife cheated on him,
if he wanted to go straight to the root,
what he would do is to realize that
it's about the fact that she doesn't feel loved and valued.
So if he decided to switch his strategy,
he would make that resolution about
'how do I make her feel loved and valued?'
What you will find when he does this
is that instantaneously that will cause a shift within her
and that shift within her will in turn make him mirror
'Oh now I feel loved and valued by her.'
If in the previous scenario, the wife who was controlling
recognized the fact that the husband felt
completely powerless and out of control of his life,
she would switch her strategy to
'Oh what can I do and say to make him feel
in control and empowered in his own life?'
Once she switched her strategy that way,
she would find that instantaneously the mirror would flip back on her
and the reflection would be:
she would be able to feel more control and empowered in her life.
Confusion in relationships is a common event.
Much of the time, when we run into conflicts in a relationship,
we have no idea what is happening or why it's happening.
We slip into the perception that
the other person is completely unjustified as being unfair with us.
We tell ourselves that they are wrong and that they are crazy.
We try to make sense of what's going on
without remembering that the universe is a mirror.
If we remember the mirror,
we can use that reflection in the mirror
to understand exactly what's going on.
All we have to remember is that all people
set us up to feel exactly the same way that they feel.
Have a good week.