[upbeat music playing]
And now, it's the Patrick Show, with your host Patrick Star!
[barking and clapping]
Oh...
♪ I can do anything 'Cause I know nothing ♪
♪ Lack of experience Never stopped me ♪
♪ I've got a TV show Though I'm just bluffing ♪
♪ Make believe you're watching And I know you'll agree! ♪
[humming]
Huh?
[shudders]
♪ The Patrick Show Is all my imagination ♪
♪ Because my head is empty I can fill it with cheese ♪
♪ Ice cream with syrup And marbles and bluebirds ♪
♪ There is one thing I can't find ♪
♪ And that is my... keys? ♪
Parker J. is one strike out away from a perfect no-hit.
Can the little nimbus do it?
P.J.C. winds up...
Strike three! You're out, Burt!
The cloud did it! The cloud did it!
Listen to that crowd!
[cheering]
Eh, don't hang your head, Burt.
Really could have gone either way out there.
You're still my best bud.
All right, everybody, today we're going to talk
about a very important topic.
Workplace safety.
First up, how to avoid slips, trips, springs, strings...
- Question. - Yes, Parker?
Where's Burt? It's not like him to no-show
for a super boring meeting.
Last I saw Burt he was right next
to that giant pile of recycling I threw out this...
Oh, no...!
[Parker] Burt! Burt!
I'm sorry, Parker.
I was recycling a bunch of boxes
and Burt's a bunch of boxes.
I got box-blinded!
But Burt's not a bunch of boxes.
Burt's my friend.
I know he is, buddy, and that's why we're going to get him back.
- How? - Simple.
All we have to do is go to the Greenwood Recycling Center
and explain what happened.
Then they'll give us Burt back?
Oh, you betcha.
I can't think of one good reason why they wouldn't.
Okay, they might have one good reason.
See? She's just like me!
Eh, how much like you?
Duh, Susie, exactly like me.
She looks just like me and she talks just like me, too!
Tell the babies who you are.
I'm Angelica Pickles.
Just like me!
I'm three years old.
Sound familiar?
My friends all call me Angy.
No we don't.
I like you!
Hold on, something's wrong.
Great idea!
You're amazing!
Let's share!
What?! I'd never say that junk!
This isn't just like me at all!
[whirring]
Daddy, Daddy!
I don't like my new toy, send it back!
Oh, precious.
You can't return a Just Like Me doll, it's made to order.
Remember? We recorded your voice
so the doll would sound just like you?
And mommy cut a piece of your hair
so that they could make the dolly's hair the same color?
Technology is terrifying.
What happened to kids having conversations with a sock?
Oh, and that's not scary?
All right, listen up, you welterweights,
Larry is going to tell you a tale
that will curl your dumbbell.
Look!
[laughing]
Ay-oop!
[laughing]
[screaming]
[laughing]
[screaming]
Good thing I've got a green thumb.
[snaps fingers]
[screaming]
Oh! Oh! Whao!
[panting]
[screaming]
[panting]
[screaming]
[panting]
[screaming]
Looks like we're a captive audience.
We sure as sugar don't have
anything like this back in Texas.
[grunting]
Yo, bro. Not cool.
It was my turn to tell a story.
Well, if it isn't Kamp Koral's biggest athletic supporter.
And what was your scary story, lobster roll?
Ooh!
Someone not wipe down the gym equipment after using it?
Yeah, how did you know?
[humming]
Hmm? Hmm?!
Fire! Quick, call the fire brigade!
Dimwitty...
Oh, hello, Clumsy.
We're the fire brigade!
Hmm?
Oh...
So, then I smurfed him my recommended...
[screaming]
Have no fear, fire brigade on the way! Hah!
[humming]
Who wants to smurf my delicious cakes?
We do! We do!
[sirens blaring] Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!
[screaming]
Get out of the way!
Ah!
Whoa!
[screaming]
Sorry!
[screaming]
Oh, no! My delicious cakes!
Oh, you saved one.
Where's the fire? Where's the fire? Huh?
There is no fire, you dummy!
That was just the smoke from my oven.
There will be no lunch today
thanks to those two good-for-nothings.
Those guys are the worst.
Could they be more smurfless?
They should be fired!
[whimpering]
The others should appreciate us more.
- Hmm? - Yep.
'Cause we're the greatest good-for-nothings
they've ever seen!
Isn't that right, Baby?
[cooing]
This is the operations floor.
Each lever performs a necessary function
to keep the Patrick Show running smoothly.
This one, for example, tosses the chainsaws to Patrick.
And this one moves him to his next mark.
[chainsaws revving]
What does this one do?
[grunts]
[grunting]
That's our slapstick lever.
We try not to overuse that one.
[gasps]
[birds chirping]
Dead air?!
We need a new segment, ASAP!
Time for an idea brick.
[grunts]
Puppet ham!
Sounds like we're doing a puppet show.
Follow me.
[straining]
This secret crawl space runs all over the house.
It lets me stay off camera
while still getting me where I need to go.
- Ooh! - Who's a hungry boy?
Dig in! Eat and grow up big and bristly.
[laughs]
The puppets are this way.
[grunts] Oh! Wake up, you lazy puppets!
What's your guys' deal?!
Well, hello there, Patrick.
Welcome back to the Kingdom of Hamdonia.
Well, it's about time you got here, King Pork Chop!
I'm hungry!
You're always hungry!
Make with the meat for my mouth!
[sighs] Fine.
Alawishus!
Psst. Fenton.
Oh, okay.
Eat that! [grunts]
Ow! Hey!
You're pushier than I remember.
Are you an impostor?
Am I an impostor?!
I don't know what's real anymore!
[crying]
Thanks, that's it for the Patrick Show!
[sighing]
[grumbling]
[grunting]
And that Fenton, is how you make a Patrick show.
Any questions?
Yeah. Who's Patrick?
[panting]
[grunting]
Oh, yeah, that guy.
[laughing]
Camper SpongeBob, I sentence you to...
Hold it! Hold it!
You're all wrong!
I'll tell you what really happened!
Allow me to quote from my diary.
[clears throat]
[snoring]
I woke up on my cloud, as usual...
Clouds aren't as comfortable as you think.
Too wet and lumpy.
I flew around the camp,
but it was so peaceful I got bored.
I'm lucky those aliens attacked!
Borp! Bleep!
"Run for your lives!"
This looks like a job for... Patrick Star!
Oh!
Eh-heh!
Hip hip!
Ha-ha!
[screaming]
Those flying saucers were pretty tough.
[belching]
But those dumb aliens were no match
for my spinning star attack!
I gave 'em all a whoosh, and a biff, and a suckaroo!
And then... funky breath attack!
[laughs]
What has any of that to do with the outhouse blowing up?
[gasps] Oh, yeah, yeah!
After the aliens left, I went to visit my friend the outhouse.
I call him Outie.
[flatulence]
He didn't!
[flatulence]
[laughs]
Oh, that is so like Mr. Tentacles!
[laughing]
After we gossiped for a while,
we shared a pot of Plankton's chili.
One for me...
[disgusted groaning]
And one for you, buddy!
[humming]
Plankton's five-alarm chili?!
That'll make anything explode!
Patrick blew up the outhouse!
I can't hold them back!
Quick, to the poop deck!
[laughs]
Angus!
Oh, Angus! I'm coming for your love, Angus!
[squealing]
We gotta get out of here!
To the crow's nest!
Phew.
Parker? Russel?
Hmm?
Okay, everyone, let's try and be civilized here.
[shouting]
Or not.
No!
[crowd] Angus! Angus! Angus!
Angus! Angus!
Enough!
[silence]
Oh.
This obsession over a few measly love letters is ridiculous
and is going to end now!
You really want to know who those letters were intended for?
[everyone] Yeah!
Fine, I'll tell you. It's true.
Angus R. Shackleton III has a long, lost love.
[woman's voice] I knew it, it's me!
[man's voice] Shut up, Amanda!
And that lost love is...
[gasping]
[together] Bro?
The ocean.
The deep blue. My true love.
So calm, so gentle.
Yet if you take her for granted, she'll drown you, big time.
[sniffing] Oh, I can smell her salty air now.
I can hear the waves lapping against the bow of the ship.
Lap, lap, lap.
If I close my eyes tight, I can still see...
[clamoring]
Hey, guys, where are you going?
I mean, seriously.
Bro, the ocean is a toilet for fish. Ugh.
- Angus! - I know, I know.
I made a huge fool out of myself.
I never should've--
Shh, shh...
I just wanted to say
that I don't care that everyone thought
what you just said was lame and corny
and a complete waste of their time,
because Russell and I thought it was...
[sniffling]
beautiful!
Just like your letters.
Thanks, you two.
And, may I add, your beard looks amazing.
It does, doesn't it?
Well, you can thank Russell's beard bomb for that.
[gasps]
What?
No, seriously, what?
[screaming] W-What?
[chuckles] Hey there, sprouts, what have you been up to?
What's in the wagon?
I can't... see...
[grunts] Ow.
[screaming]
Lil, I told you to slow down, right now!
[tires screeching]
[screaming]
[groaning]
I don't even like peas!
[chuckling]
Angelica? Are you okay?
What's going on?
Grandpa, I made you a giant float of me
so I could give you a parade,
but the babies wrecked it all with their peas!
Parade?
Peas?
Oh, you can use those to ice my back.
Ow!
Oh, thank you, Tommy.
Ooh...
[sighing]
[outside] Anyway, I got this great new...
...uninhabited island, and then I...
Whoa! What happened here?!
Pop? I... I thought you were going to the march for peace.
I didn't need to. I got some real flower children right here.
Oh, that is so sweet.
You're making me tear up.
I think that's my feet.
[laughing]
Here you go, Papa Smurf.
Hmm, looks like you two did one smurf of a job
taking care of Baby.
Did you ever doubt us?
Uh... Well...
Anyway, it's nice to know that Baby will always be
smurf and sound in your hands.
[both] You know it.
- Huh? - Baby? Huh?
[sirens blaring]
The alarm!
[honking]
[sirens blaring]
Baby! No!
[cooing]