My name is Steven Rogers.
I have the same name
as the superhero Captain America.
(audience cheering)
Yes, it's as big a deal as you all
made it just now.
(audience laughing)
It really sucks having the same name
as a superhero, especially when you
look like he did
before he was super.
(audience laughing)
I hate it.
Nobody gets it.
Nobody relates.
Recently, I met a guy named Peter
Parker, and we just hugged
for a little bit.
(audience laughing)
We ended up saving each other.
It was adorable.
(audience laughing)
I don't like it.
Everybody has to bring it up when
I meet them, every single time.
I'm worried if I ever have to call
911 for myself,
I'm not going to make it.
I'll be like, "Hello.
"I've just been shot.
"Yeah.
"Steven Rogers.
"Yeah.
"Just like that guy.
"Listen, I'm on the corner of-- oh,
"you're right.
"I should have used my shield.
"That's a good one.
(audience laughing)
"You're so funny."
(audience laughing)
You got a Captain America shirt on.
All right.
You came to the right show.
And you're all like, yeah.
I was hoping to see the other one.
(audience laughing)
Got the wrong Steven Rogers.
Oh, man.
Good to be here.
I'll tell you a little bit about me.
I'm a very nervous person.
I have pretty bad anxiety.
I have diagnosed anxiety.
Nobody understands anxiety.
That's one thing I noticed.
I told my one friend I had it,
he was like, "oh,
"don't worry about it, man.
"It could always be worse."
(audience laughing)
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
(audience laughing)
That's anxiety.
That's like if I told you had
a stutter, and you're like, "well,
"you could say that again."
(audience laughing)
Yeah, I probably will.
(audience laughing)
It's horrible.
Nobody takes anxiety seriously.
I think it's because we use the word
so much.
I think we need a new name for it.
I was thinking pre-traumatic stress
disorder.
Yeah.
Because that's really what it is.
Every day, I'm walking around
like, oh, no.
And people go, "what happened?"
And I'm like, nothing, yet.
It should be here any minute now.
(audience laughing)
It's horrible.
My doctor prescribed me pills
for my anxiety.
And then he warned me that they're
extremely addictive.
So now, I'm too anxious to take
my anxiety medication.
(audience laughing)
I'm afraid to take them out
of the bottle, so I just shake
the pills whenever I'm nervous.
(audience laughing)
It's like I got prescribed a rain stick.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, it's bad.
I don't know.
I get panic attacks.
Those are pretty awful.
They're like a dress rehearsal
for death because it's your brain
telling you that you're dying,
and then you don't.
One of these days, I will be dying
and think I need to calm down.
I'll be like, and this too shall,
and then I'll pass away.
It's going to be rough.
I found out a lot about panic
attacks by having them.
Women-- way better to be around
during a panic attack than men.
My girlfriend, she'll walk me
through it, calm me down,
no problem.
My guy friends, they're the worst.
I'm gasping for air,
and they're trying to throw grapes
into my mouth.
(audience laughing)
I'm like, this is counterproductive.
Yeah.
I get-- I don't know.
I'm anxious all the time.
One thing that scares me is home
invasions because that combines two
of my biggest fears,
which is danger and meeting
new people.
(audience laughing)
I'm like, oh, great.
Now, I've got to make small talk
with this guy.
So, where did you get the gun?
(audience laughing)
It's horrible.
I don't know.
I can't afford a security system
in my place, so I just keep a really
messy apartment.
Yeah.
It's actually works.
It makes me feel safe.
Because if trip over-- if I ever
trip over something in the middle
of the night, I just leave it there.
Yeah.
Because if I'm going to trip so
with the killers.
(audience laughing)
You can hack an alarm,
but you can't turn off an ottoman,
(audience laughing)
you know?
My place is so messy.
If somebody did break-in,
they'd be like, "oh, somebody already
"been here.
"All right, let's go to the next one."
Yeah, I do.
I have social anxiety because I like
to collect them all.
(audience laughing)
You guys are-- you guys are the most
mentally healthy people.
Going well, we just feel bad
for him.
(audience laughing)
Is this this guy's make-a-wish?
(audience laughing)