GUTFELD TAKES IT. ♪ ♪
♪ ♪
>> Greg: HAPPY THURSDAY,
EVERYONE.
WHAT A GREAT SHOW WEEK OUTS
TONIGHT.
AND YOU KNOW, JUST HOURS AFTER
OUR ALL AMERICAN CHRISTMAS TREE
WAS TORCHED BY A BABBLING
MADMAN, NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH
GERALDO, A NEW TREE WAS ERECTED,
AND IT LOOKS ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS
FABULOUS.
SO A BIG THANK YOU TO THAT
ADORABLE, TINY ELF, DANA PERINO
AND HER TINY LITTLE ELF FRIENDS.
THEY WORKED ALL NIGHT.
ALMOST AS FABULOUS LOOKING AS
HAROLD FORD JR.
YEAH.
WELCOME TO HIS FIRST TIME ON THE
SHOW.
YOU NEED A NEW AGENT.
THIS SHOWS KILLS MORE JOBS THAN
CHINA.
BUT IT’S A TRIBUTE TO THE SPIRIT
OF THE PEOPLE WHO WORK HERE AND
DELIVERED THIS MAGNIFICENT SHOW.
YOU CAN BURN DOWN THE TREE AND
WE ARE JUST GOING TO PUT UP
ANOTHER.
AND BY WE, I MEAN NOT TO ME.
OTHER PEOPLE DID.
I DIDN’T PUT IT BACK UP.
THE ONLY THING I KNOW HOW TO PUT
UP IS A TWO-WAY BATHROOM MIRROR.
BUT ALSO, JUST HOURS AFTER THE
FOX CHRISTMAS TREE WAS TORCHED
BY A BABBLING MADMAN, THE
BABBLING MADMAN WAS RELEASED.
CNN ANCHOR IS NOW FACE MORE
PUNISHMENT THAN ARSONISTS.
YOU WIN, UNIVERSE.
ALSO, HERE’S A FUNNY SIDE STORY.
A PHOTOGRAPHER TOLD
"THE NEW YORK POST" BY THE
ARSONIST HAD ALLEGEDLY EXPOSED
HIMSELF TO REPORTERS OUTSIDE THE
GHISLAINE MAXWELL TRIAL IN
MANHATTAN LAST WEEK.
OKAY, THAT IS NOT A FUNNY SIDE
STORY, BUT AT LEAST WE FOUND
SOMETHING JOE DEVITO AND THE
ARSONIST HAVE IN COMMON.
THANKS TO THIS AMENDMENT, WE ARE
LEARNING HOW MANY CRIMES YOU CAN
GET AWAY WITH.
SHOWING YOUR JUNK AND BURNING
PEOPLE’S STUFF.
WHAT --
CALLS A TUESDAY.
I WON’T SAY THE MISCREANT’S NAME
BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT HE WOULD
REALLY WANT AND ALSO IT IS VERY
HARD TO PRONOUNCE.
IS IT --
BUT IT’S TRUE.
THE ARSONIST WHO TORCHED THE
FOX NEWS CHRISTMAS TREE WAS
FREED AFTER HIS ARRAIGNMENT ON
WEDNESDAY NIGHT BECAUSE HIS
CHARGES WERE NOT ELIGIBLE FOR
BAIL UNDER NEW LIBERAL REFORM
LAWS.
HE IS A BETTER CHANCE OF FACING
CONSEQUENCES FROM SMOKEY THE
BEAR.
WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING?
WELL, WE ALL DID.
>> THIS WHOLE ISSUE HAS TO DO
WITH THE REVOLVING DOOR OF
JUSTICE.
BECAUSE THE GUY WHO LIT THE TREE
ON FIRE’S GOING TO GET OUT
TOMORROW.
IT’S NOT FELONY OR SEND.
>> IT’S AN OFFENSE UNDER
NEW YORK LAW WHERE HE HAS TO BE
VALID.
SPEAK OUT SO HE IS GOING TO BE
OUT.
HE MIGHT BE OUT RIGHT NOW.
>> Greg: IT IS WEIRD TO LIVE
IN A WORLD WE CAN ACTUALLY
PREDICT THE BAD NEWS BUT ALL YOU
GET IS A SHRUG AND RETURN.
CRIME IS LIKE BEING THE GUY WHO
CLEANS THE RESTROOM AT THE VIEW.
YOU CLEAN IT UP AND ATE IS JUST
WORSE THE NEXT DAY.
BUT IT’S NOT LIKE WE WEREN’T
WARNED.
IT IS LIKE A WEATHERMAN WHO SAYS
HEY, YOU SEE THAT CATEGORY FIVE
TRAIN OFF THE COAST OF
NEW JERSEY AND MOVING WEST AT 25
I THINK WE SHOULD GET OUT OF
THERE AND NO ONE MOVES.
THAT IS OUR GOVERNMENT.
YOU CAN SAVE THEM LOOK, WE ARE
RELEASING FIENDS THAT ARE ABOUT
TO OFFEND AND LIKE KAT
CONFRONTED WITH THE SIMPLE MATH
PROBLEM, THEY JUST STARE
BLANKLY.
AND THEN OF COURSE THE FIENDS
REOFFEND.
I CAN GO THROUGH THE EXAMPLES OF
THE VIOLENT FELON SINS BUT THERE
SO MANY OF THEM IT WOULD TAKE UP
THE ENTIRE SHOW AND BLEED
LITERALLY INTO THE NEXT HOUR.
IN THE LAST THING I WANT TO DO
IS PISS OFF EVIL SHANNON BREAM.
BUT IT’S AN OLD NEWS ANOTHER
VIOLENT CRIMINAL --
THAT’S HOW IT WORKS.
THE DRESS A EXISTS NOW KEEP
CRIMINALS SAFE FROM
CONSEQUENCES.
HERE’S A TYPICAL SCENE PLAYING
OUT ALL OVER.
>> GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
WE WILL ADDED YOU HERE AND
ADJUST.
>> THAT’S GREAT.
I’VE A ROBBERY SCHEDULED FOR
2:00 TODAY.
>> WELL, IT IS A BUSY TIME OF
THE YEAR FOR EVERYONE.
WE WILL JUST RUN DOWN YOUR
PENDING CHARGES.
LARCENY, ASSAULT, SHOPLIFTING,
VANDALISM, PUBLIC INTOXICATION.
>> HE ALMOST FORGOT INDECENT
EXPOSURE.
>> DRUG DEALING, DRUG
POSSESSION, WEAPONS POSSESSION,
UNPAID PARKING TICKET, ARSENATE,
AND MAIL FRAUD, AND SINCE NONE
OF THESE ARE BAIL OFFENSES, YOU
ARE FREE TO LEAVE.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS.
>> THAT’S GREAT.
THANK YOU.
SPEAK OUT DID YOU YOUR MASK? >> I DON’T WEAR ONE.
>> I DON’T WEAR ONE.
>> YOU SON OF A BITCH.
WE ARE TRYING TO KEEP THE CITY
SAFE.
>> Greg: SO NOW THAT THE
CHRISTMAS CREEP IS FREE TO ROAM
AND BURN DOWN OTHER STUFF, WHERE
DO YOU GO?
WELL, THERE IS THAT 9:00 P.M.
SLOT OPEN AT CNN.
I KID.
THERE IS NO EVIDENCE THIS GUY
GROPED ANYONE.
BUT WE ALL KNOW WHERE HE WENT.
NOW THE HEAD WRITER AT COLBERT.
HE TURNED AND FIVE CEREAL BOX
TOPS TO GET THE JOB.
LAST NIGHT, COLBERT LAMELY JOKED
ABOUT THE BURNING CHRISTMAS
TREE, AND THAT IT IS GETTING ITS
OWN SHOW ON FOX.
IF THAT WERE TRUE, IT WOULD
INSTANTLY GET BETTER RATINGS
THAN COLBERT.
THAT IS BECAUSE A CHRISTMAS TREE
FIRE IS WAY MORE ENTERTAINING
THAN A DUMPSTER FIRE.
REMEMBER THIS?
♪ ♪
>> Greg: THAT MIGHT BE BE AT
WORSTWORSE CRIME THAN ARSON.
EVEN IN TODAY’S LEGAL CLIMATE I
JUDGE WOULD REFUSE BAIL FOR THAT
FELONY.
BUT AT LEAST HE TRIED TO BE
FUNNY AND IS FAILING.
WHAT IS CNN’S EXCUSE?
HERE’S THE CRANKY CRICKET
MONITOR USING THE ARSON ATTACK
TO SLIM FOX NEWS.
>> NOW, NO ONE WAS INJURED IN
THIS INCIDENT BUT THEY COULD
HAVE BEEN.
THIS IS SERIOUS.
INCREDIBLY SCARY TO FEEL THAT
YOUR WORKPLACE IS UNDER ATTACK
UNLESS YOUR WORKPLACE IS THE
CAPITAL.
BUT ACCORDING TO MANY, MANY FOX
POSTS, IT’S NOT SUCH A BIG DEAL.
>> Greg: OH, MY GOD.
ONLY THE PSYCHO AT CNN COULD
MAKE AN ARSON ATTACK INTO AN
ATTACK ON A TARGET.
FOR CNN, THE ATTACK IS MERELY AN
OPPORTUNITY TO WAG YOUR SWOLLEN
FINGER AT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE
KICKING OR ASS EVERY NIGHT.
ARSON IS INDEED BAD, BUT DO YOU
EVEN CARE ABOUT JANUARY 6TH?
IF SHE GOT ANY DUMBER SHE COULD
FILL CHRIS CUOMO’S SEAT.
JUST HIS SEAT.
SO THE LAST FEW DAYS, WE WILL
SHOW YOU WHAT IS GOOD AND BAD
ABOUT THE WORLD.
THE STUFF COLBERT AND TINA DON’T
UNDERSTAND ALONG WITH OTHERS WHO
ARE WALLED OFF FROM THE
CONSEQUENCES OF UNCHECKED CLIENT
CLIENT.
THANKS TO A PROGRESSIVE
PERVERSION OF INCENTIVES,
CRIMINAL REACT AS YOU EXPECT
THEM TO.
THESE PEOPLE ARE LAWLESS, BUT
THEY ARE NOT DONE.
MEETING IT CONSEQUENCES NO LONG
AFTER ONLY --
PRISON WAS ONCE A DEFENSIVE
INCENTIVE AND IT WORKED WHICH IS
WHAT WE GOT RID OF IT.
WE ARE NOW PISSING ON THE GRAVE
OF COMMON SENSE.
WE WERE LUCKY NOBODY DIED THE
NIGHT OF THE ARSON, -- THAT’S
WHY I AVOID CASINOS.
SO THE MADMAN WALKED WHICH SENDS
A MESSAGE TO OTHERS LIKE HIM.
REPERCUSSIONS NO LONGER EXIST
FOR THE MOST DISGUSTING
BEHAVIOR, WITHOUT ITS ASSAULT,
MURDER, OR ARSON.
BUT THERE IS GOOD NEWS.
THE TREE IS BACK OUT.
AND LIKE ME, IT LOOKS GREAT.
AND IF YOU KEEP BURNING IT DOWN,
WE WILL JUST PUT UP ANOTHER.
THAT IS THE REAL HOLIDAY SPIRIT,
AND WE NEED MORE EVER.
LET’S WELCOME TONIGHT’S GUESTS.
IF HE WERE A BEAR ATTACK, I DID
BEAT HIM OFF IN THE WOODS.
FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR, HAROLD
FORD JR.
IF LAUGHTER IS THE BEST
MEDICINE, HE’S DEFINITELY NOT
FDA APPROVED.
WRITER, MEDIAN, JOE DEVITO.
TICKETS TO HIS SHOWS ARE A LOT
LIKE MOVIE ENDINGS.
YOU CAN’T GIVE THEM AWAY.
COMEDIAN JOE MACHI.
AND SHE IS LOOKING FORWARD TO
NOT REMEMBERING THE HOLIDAYS.
NEWS CONTRIBUTOR, KAT TIMPF.
HAROLD, WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
>> WHAT A SHOW ALREADY.
>> Greg: SO NOW I KNOW YOU’RE
DEFINITELY DEFINITELY NOT
RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT.
HAS AMERICA LOST THE PLOT?
IF THIS CONTINUES, WE ARE DONE
AS A COUNTRY BECAUSE THIS IS THE
KIND OF THING THAT HOLDS US
TOGETHER, LAW AND ORDER, RIGHT?
>> AT OUR VERY CORE.
ONE OF THE REASONS YOU HAVE BAIL
WHEN SOMEONE IS ARRESTED BECAUSE
YOU WANT TO KEEP THEM IN JAIL.
AND IF THEY ARE GOING TO GET
OUT, THERE HAS TO BE SOME SKIN
THEY HAVE IN THE GAME OR OTHERS
HAVE IN THE GAME.
I THOUGHT WHAT HAPPENED AT THE
CAPITAL WAS TERRIBLE.
I THOUGHT WHAT HAPPENED OUT HERE
WAS TERRIBLE.
WHAT HAPPENED ON THE GROUNDS NOT
FAR FROM US.
AND FOR HIM TO BE OUT AND FOR US
TO HAVE TO HAVE PICTURES POSTED
AROUND TO ENSURE HE DIDN’T COME
UP AND TRY TO THREATEN OR DUE
ANYTHING OUTSIDE INCLUDING YOU,
SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THE
SYSTEM.
BAIL REFORM AND TRYING TO ASSURE
THAT NONVIOLENT OFFENDERS AND
THOSE WHO MAY END UP SERVING
MORE TIME IF THEY WERE CONVICTED
FOR THE OFFENSE IS A SMART
THING, BUT A VIOLENT OFFENDER,
CODDLING VIOLENCE, ENABLING
VIOLENT OFFENDERS, THAT IS NOT
-- THAT IS THE CORE OF OUR
SOCIETY.
AN NATION THAT IS GOVERNED BY A
RULE OF LAW.
>> Greg: WE CAN HAVE
DISCUSSIONS OR DISAGREED WITH
EACH OTHER IF WE ARE TOO SCARED
TO GO OUTSIDE.
YOU KNOW, JOE, I THOUGHT IT WAS
KIND OF INTERESTING MINUTES OF
THE PICTURES OF THE ARSONISTS.
HE IS BETTER DRESSED THAN YOU.
DID YOU NOTICE HE HAD A NUMBER
OF INTERESTING JACKETS TO WEAR.
>> YEAH, HE WAS VERY FASHION
FORWARD.
>> Greg: MEANWHILE, YOU ARE
DRESSED LIKE JUDD HIRSCH IN
"TAXI."
MY REFERENCES FOR MY AUDIENCE.
I’M NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT
TIKTOK VIDEOS.
THANK YOU.
>> GREG, THAT IS JUST THE RELIEF
FACTOR TALKING.
>> Greg: YOU KNOW, IF YOU
SNORT IT, IT IS JUST FASTER
ACTING.
I LEARNED THAT FROM CHARLIE
KIRK.
I’M JOKING.
THAT’S A JOKE.
WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?
>> I DON’T THINK THERE WAS A
QUESTION.
>> Greg: THE QUESTION IS WHAT
IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD, JOE.
>> IT’S AWFUL TO THINK -- NOT
THIS CRAZY GUY, IT’S BAD ENOUGH
HE DOES NOT SEEM TO HAVE
SUFFERED ANY PENALTY FOR IT, BUT
THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE
CELEBRATING THE BURNING DOWN OF
A RELIGIOUS SYMBOL LOVED BY
MILLIONS OF CHILDREN AROUND THE
WORLD -- HA HA, TAKE THAT
FOX NEWS.
IT REALLY SHOWS THIS WORLD THAT
WE LIVE AND WHERE THINGS ARE
UPSIDE DOWN.
AND THIS GUY APPEARS TO BE
MENTALLY ILL.
HE IS A DANGER TO HIMSELF AND
OTHERS.
NOW, WHAT ABOUT THE
NEW YORK CITY MONEY.
THIS IS ABOUT A BILLION TO THE
WHICH TURNED INTO A SLUSH FUND
FOR THE MAYOR’S WIFE.
NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT, MAYBE
THERE IS NO GREATER SIGN OF
MENTAL ILLNESS THAN MARRYING
BILL de BLASIO.
>> Greg: IT’S FUNNY.
THE CHRISTMAS TREE IS NOT
NECESSARILY A RELIGIOUS SYMBOL,
BUT IT’S KIND OF BECOME ONE.
IT’S AN EFFECTIVE RELIGIOUS
SYMBOL, AND YOU ARE RIGHT, THERE
REALLY WAS NO OUTRAGE ABOUT IT.
FOX NEWS IS SAD BECAUSE IT WAS
SO BEAUTIFUL, BUT THERE WAS NO
OUTRAGE.
I IMAGINE IF IT WERE A BLM
BANNER, HOLY [BLEEP].
JOE, IF THEY’VE FOUND OUT WHAT
YOU DID, JOE MACHI.
THIS GUY EXPOSED HIMSELF AND WE
FIND OUT THAT MUST BE LEGAL TOO.
>> JUST SO EVERYONE IS CLEAR,
THE ARSONISTS EXPOSED HIMSELF,
NOT ANY OF US.
JUST DON’T WANT ANYONE TO GET
THE WRONG IDEA.
I DON’T LIKE THE REVOLVING DOOR
OF JUSTICE, GREG, BECAUSE I
DON’T EVEN LIKE REVOLVING DOORS.
THEY ARE MY SECOND LEADING
REASON FOR TRIPS TO THE
EMERGENCY ROOM AFTER FOLLOWING
UP TREADMILLS AND AHEAD OF
MIXING BLEACH AND AMMONIA. BUT TO ANSWER HIS POINT, I
BUT TO ANSWER HIS POINT, I
LOOKED UP ON A WEBSITE THAT
HANDLES STATISTICS, THAT BACK IN
1990 WHEN YOUR REFERENCES WERE
ONLY TEN, THE GOVERNMENT HAD
45 BILLION ON MENTAL HEALTH.
AND IN 2020 WAS $238 BILLION
MENTAL HEALTH.
>> Greg: WHERE DOES THIS STUFF
GO?
BECAUSE IF YOU WALK UP AND DOWN
NEW YORK CITY STREETS, YOU SEE
IT’S A MENAGERIE OF MENTAL
ILLNESS.
HOW ABOUT THAT FOR A BIT OF
ALLITERATION?
A MENAGERIE, IF YOU WILL, OF
MENTAL ILLNESS.
MENAGERIE.
>> GREAT JOB.
>> Greg: I LOVE HOW CNN USE
THE ARSON TO GO, BUT, REMEMBER
WHAT YOU GUYS DID?
THAT’S AMAZING.
>> YEAH.
I DON’T KNOW IF THAT IS AMAZING.
YOU CAN KIND OF EXPECTED BECAUSE
ALSO I DON’T KNOW ANYBODY HERE
OR ELSEWHERE THAT THEY DIDN’T
SAY THAT JANUARY 6TH WAS BAD.
I SAID IT SO MANY TIMES.
I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO SAY IT
AGAIN NOW.
IT WAS BAD, GUYS.
I THINK IT WAS HORRIBLE.
BECAUSE EVERYBODY -- I DON’T
KNOW WHERE THIS NARRATIVE CAME
FROM THAT WE DON’T THINK IT IS
BAD.
AND YEAH, THE CHRISTMAS TREE,
STILL REMARKABLE, BUT A HUGE DAY
FOR ARSONISTS.
IT WASN’T JUST LIKE A SYMBOL OF
WHATEVER, LOVE, AND WHATEVER I’M
NOT A CHRISTMAS GAL.
I DON’T WANT TO SET ON FIRE BUT
WHATEVER IT IS, IT WAS AT LEAST
A VERY EXPENSIVE ONE.
LIKE HALF A MILLION DOLLARS.
COMPLETELY TORCHES AND HE GETS
TO GO HOME?
IF I WERE ON ARSONISTS, WHICH
I’M DEFINITELY NOT, I WOULD BE
VERY EXCITED.
>> Greg: I THINK HE SET FIRE
TO THE TREE IS NO DIFFERENT THAN
SETTING FIRE TO A TRASH CAN.
LIKE IF YOU START A FIRE IN A
TRASH CAN BECAUSE THERE IS NO
HUMAN POTENTIAL OF BEING IN IT.
SO UNLESS --
SPEAK OUT THERE IS ALWAYS HUMAN
POTENTIAL OF BEING ANYWHERE.
>> Greg: THAT IS WHY.
EVEN THE COST IS NOT RELEVANT.
IT’S AMAZING, ISN’T A QUESTION
LIKE >> PEOPLE FORGET THAT
BECAUSE FIREFIGHTERS DO SUCH A
GREAT JOB EVEN FOR SOMETHING
LIKE THAT, LEMON COULD HAVE EASILY DIED
>> Greg: BUT YOU KNOW IT, I
HAVE TO TELL YOU.
WITH A GREAT HOUR OF PROGRAMMING
OUT OF IT ON "THE FIVE."
SO BURN THOSE TREES.
I’M KIDDING.
THAT’S A JOKE.
BUT IT REALLY WAS NICE.
WE HAD A BIG CROWD OUT THERE.
QUITE ENJOYABLE.
IT WAS CATERED SO I HAD PIGS IN