- I am from Texas but I live in New York City now
and I was walking around in Brooklyn, where I live,
and I saw something.
I saw a white dude getting arrested.
(audience laughs)
Which, it turns out, is a thing that I love to see.
(audience laughs)
I had no idea that was even a thing I was interested in.
You know, like, it shocked me so much
that I started saying things that
I'd never said before in my entire life.
Like, I saw this dude being put into handcuffs
and being put into the squad car
and I just heard myself go, "Hey, go police!"
(audience laughs)
I just shouted it at the top of my lungs,
like it was my favorite sports team.
I was like, "Hey, go Big Blue!"
(audience laughs)
You all killin' it out there, baby!
Undefeated season, yeah!
Ain't nobody takin' you all down this year.
Became a Blue Lives Matter dude.
I lost myself, I lost myself.
(audience laughs)
When I was in high school,
Lil Wayne was the biggest rapper in the world.
He was the absolute biggest rapper.
There was nobody bigger than him.
And he had a lot of songs
where he would say, "Fuck bitches, get money,"
and because of that, I went to a high school
with a lot of dudes who would say,
"Money over bitches," a lot.
A lot.
(audience laughs)
And it's not necessarily like a thing that I support
but it is a thing that I was just like, around a lot.
You know, we'd be doing the icebreaker
on the first day of class
and a kid named, like, Darius or something like that,
would be like, "Oh, okay, Miss,
"you want to know somethin' about me? (laughs)
"Oh, so you want to know somethin' about me
"and my lifestyle and how I'm livin'?
"Okay, you want to know somethin' about like,
"my own personal beliefs
"and just what I feel on the inside of my heart?
"I mean, I'd have to say,
"first and foremost, it's money over bitches."
(audience laughs)
"That's just kind of how I'm feelin'."
(audience laughs)
"It's just where I'm at."
I think, though, it happened in my classes constantly,
every day, all the time,
and it's like, I never said anything to those kids
but I always wanted to be like,
"Yeah, bro, how often is that a problem for you?"
(audience laughs)
"You don't even have a driver's permit yet.
"That doesn't seem like it should be an issue for you.
"You know, you don't have a car, you don't have a job,
"if anything, you a moneyless bitch."
(audience laughs)
And also, if you feel like your life is money over bitches,
like, if you feel like that's the way
your life is planned out, I feel like,
if anything that's probably a time management issue, right.
(audience laughs)
You know, like, you could plot it out the right way.
Like, if you wanted to fit it all, you could do it.
Like, you could do money
from nine to five plausibly, all right.
You could do bitches from five to seven, plausibly.
(audience laughs)
And still have time for a third activity.
(audience laughs)
You know, draw yourself up a little Google Calendar.
They got it, they're accessible.
You get yourself a calendar, next thing you know,
that's money, bitches, rock climbing.
You got that all in there. (audience laughs)
That's all in your environment, dog, you can do that.
I been thinking a lot about cultural appropriation
and where it comes from.
Like, it's a thing that there's
a lot of conversation about, you know.
I'm on Twitter, I see what people are talking about.
Like, why are white people appropriating
black culture so much, you know.
Where does it come from?
And I had to sit down to think about it for a long time
and think about why that happened
and where it came from.
And I think it's every black comedian from the '80s fault.
(audience laughs)
I think they made that mistake
because it's like, black people just are
the coolest group of people, objectively.
(audience cheers)
Yeah, that's just true.
Black people just are the coolest group of people
and I think if you see the coolest group of people
just teasing you for a very long time,
then it's going to...
(audience laughs)
It's just going to shift how you act.
(audience laughs)
You know, I think that black people just
teased white people for such a long time
that they were just going to change their entire behavior.
Like, I think white people were chillin'
and just like, living their lives
and they saw Eddie Murphy just like,
do an impression of a white person
and any time he did it, he was always like, "Uhhh."
(audience laughs)
"Uhhh, uhhh.
"Oh, I've left my mayonnaise in my station wagon."
(audience laughs)
I think white people just watched that happen
for a long time and like,
"Hey, fuck it, we gettin' cornrows.
"How 'about that." (audience laughs)
That's Eddie's fault, that's Eddie's fault.
He did that for all of us.
Anytime you see a nigger just like, do it,
like havin' dreadlocks doing yoga, that's on Eddie.
(audience laughs)