- Half of accelerating the relationship that you want
in your life, coming into your life,
is learning how to say no to the wrong guys faster,
and so today I'm gonna share with you four ways
that you can identify the kind of man who cheats.
Check it out.
(uplifting music)
Hey, there.
This is Mat Boggs, and I am the founder
of the Love and Relationships Division
here at the Brave Thinking Institute,
where our mission is empowering people
to create and live the life they love,
and that includes your love life.
So if you like this video,
I encourage you to click that little Subscribe button
and click that little bell,
because every week we bring you videos
to empower you in your love life.
And today we're talking about the secret ways
that men who cheat gives themselves away.
And so what I wanna mention right here
at the top of this video is that
any one of these signals doesn't prove
that this guy is a cheater,
but in relationships, what you're looking
for are signs, that there are green flags
in this relationship, meaning green lights,
move forward, all signs point to move forward,
ahead, with this relationship,
or there can be yellow or red flags, saying,
look, this relationship is not the kind of relationship
you wanna progress with.
So what I'm gonna share with you are yellow
or red flags that you really wanna pay attention to,
and especially if he has all four of these flags,
definitely something to second-guess
before moving forward in this relationship.
And so sign number one is
what I call narcissistic personality traits.
Now, I don't love labels, but I'm using that term
'cause it's the fastest way
that most people can identify this.
And so here's really what you're looking for,
is you're looking for the guy who loves
to break the rules and thinks that the rules apply
to other people, that they don't apply to him.
Now, the challenge is this can be a
really fun guy to go on a date with,
because it's the two of you
and it's you against the world,
two of you against everybody else.
You're gonna cut the line.
You're gonna sneak in the back.
You're gonna do things that don't apply
to everybody else, but it's good for the two of you,
and while it's fun and while it's exciting,
and while your adrenaline is pumping
and the two of you are bonding,
the challenge is, that mindset of the rules apply
to others but they don't apply to him aren't sequestered
to that one area of his life.
They often, then, infiltrate every
other area of life whenever it's convenient for him.
In other words, when the relationship starts
to become more mundane, when things start to get boring,
then he'll start to break the rules
to create or excitement, thinking the rules
of being monogamous or faithful apply to other people,
but they don't apply to him,
because his job is to keep things exciting and fun.
So look for the guy who's the rule-breaker, look for that.
While it's exciting up front,
know that it's a yellow flag,
because that guy, while he's breaking the rule
in one area, he's often gonna break the rule
in the other area, when it comes to the agreement
of commitment that the two of you share.
The second way that unfaithful guys tend
to give themselves away is they don't
like being asked too many questions.
Why?
Well, it's because if you have too many details
about their life, then you can pin them down
on where they are or their commitments,
or the facts, the stories they're giving you
often won't line up if they're giving too many details.
So you ask about his work and he's really vague
about his work or what he's doing.
You ask about his personal life, or his travels.
He just took a trip.
Where'd he go?
And he's kinda real vague and he went here
and there and didn't really tell you many
of the details, didn't he send you
any pictures of the trip, and the two of you are dating,
that's a yellow flag.
You see, the guy who wants a partnership with you,
the guy who wants a relationship with you,
that guys wants to be open.
That guy wants to share the details.
He's gonna call you up and tell you
where he is and the hotel he's is,
and take a look at this, give you the virtual tour,
look at my view, how cool is this?
He's gonna brag about what's going on
because he wants to include you in his life.
The guy who loves the woman,
he wants the woman he loves included
in the life that he loves.
It's the player, it's the guy who wants to have his cake
and eat it, too, have all kinds of options,
he wants as little information getting out there
as possible, and so you'll see him get frustrated,
irritated, or avoidant at the questions you're asking.
Number three is he is a smooth talker.
This guy is smooth, baby.
He is fun, he is flirty.
He sets your heart afire.
He's exciting.
Now, here's what's interesting about that.
Why is he a smooth talker?
Because he's got practice.
Being smooth, being flirty,
being fun isn't something people naturally are.
You have to be talking to a lotta women.
You have to be engaging in a lot of social interactions
to develop that skillset.
Now, important to realize,
not every smooth talker is a cheater.
Not everyone who has these qualities cheats.
But these are signs, and then you wanna combine
that sign with your intuition
and see if the puzzle adds up here.
But know this.
The guy who's really smooth, the guy who's
really exciting in that way, he's got that way
because he's talking to a lot of women.
So conversely, the guy who's a little awkward,
the guy who comes up to you and he doesn't know exactly
what to say and he doesn't know how to transition
into a date and he doesn't ask you out
in the most romantic way, that kinda guy,
you kinda wanna give him a break,
because he's being courageous.
He's going out on a limb
and he doesn't have a lot of practice
and doesn't have all the lines dialed in
from all the other women he's dating.
And so it puts an interesting perspective on it, doesn't it,
when the guy who's being really smooth,
this actually almost backfired for me.
When I went up to my wife, I was trying to be smooth
and trying to be real charismatic,
and I was pouring it on too much.
My wife was like, dude, he can't be this smooth
unless he was a player.
And so she thought I was a player
and she put the big brakes on me in the beginning
when, really, I wasn't a player.
I was really looking for love
and looking for that one person.
So the guy who is the smooth talker,
just notice, is he lining up?
Is he congruent?
The guy who's not so much the smooth talker,
give that guy the benefit of the doubt.
And number four, this the the fourth secret
for how to avoid men who cheat,
this is the one that almost nobody gets,
but it is incredibly powerful,
and that is to put your focus off of men who cheat
and put it on faithful men.
And here's what I mean.
The energy flows where our attention goes.
You attract more of what you're interested in,
and this universe and your subconscious mind
doesn't differentiate between positive interest
or negative interest.
In other words, whether you really desire something
or really fear something, if your attention is going there,
the universe will attract more of that into your life.
Napoleon Hill, who wrote the book "Think and Grow Rich",
says it this way.
"Anything we adore or abhor we attract more of
"into our life."
Why?
Because we're focused on it.
And so if you're hanging out with friends,
they say, like, all men cheat,
or all men are players or all men are liars,
in your mind, your mental interrupt pattern,
pattern-interrupt that statement and say,
no, not all men cheat.
All men are not liars.
All men are not players.
That's absolutely not true,
and put your focus on the good men that you know,
put the focus on the quality men that you know,
the men who are faithful, that you know in your life.
If you're thinking right now, Mat,
I don't know any of those men, go find those men,
because they're out there.
They have amazing marriages.
They're amazing dads.
They're amazing husbands.
Meet those men, become friends, because guess what.
When you put your focus on and belief in
that there are those men out there,
you begin attracting amazing single men
who will be faithful
and who want a passionate relationship with you
into your life.
And I'll leave you with this thought.
There was a great book written by Malcolm Gladwell called
"Talking to Strangers", and what it's all about,
our ability to assess whether or not
someone what telling the truth or not.
And the book basically said that our ability
to assess whether or not someone is telling the truth is
far lower than we think it is.
We all think we're way better at detecting liars
than we really are.
But here's the deal.
The cost of believing that everybody lies is way higher
than the gain of spotting the one or two liars
that may cheat or that may try to pull one over on you.
Instead, the benefit of just believing in people,
giving people the benefit of the doubt,
far outweighs the cost of the one or two people
who may betray your trust every now and again,
'cause the truth is the vast majority
of people are good people,
and I want to extend that to the people
that you're dating, the men you're dating.
The truth is the vast majority of men
that you're gonna go out with, they're good guys.
They want the best for themselves.
They want the best for you.
They're trying to create
something special, something beautiful.
The truth is that the players,
if you ask them about what they want,
they're gonna tell you that they're gonna
just want a casual relationship.
They're gonna be up-front with you.
And so allow these four ways
just to be clues to help guide you on the path
of your amazing love life.
I appreciate you.
I hope this serves you.
Thanks for watching, and I'll see you soon.
(uplifting music)