flirting, one of the very first steps and most important steps
in creating a great connection with a special someone. But
there are so many ways that it can go wrong. And there is
nothing worse than coming up as that guy and then getting
rejected when you were just innocently enough, trying to
flirt. And if you have made some of the mistakes that I'm about
to break down in this video, then you know exactly what I'm
talking about. In fact, you've probably tried really hard not
to come off as creepy, pushy, clueless, like, the last thing
you want is to give kind of weird uncle vibes. The worst
part is that this happens because you can be the most well
intentioned and kind and considerate man. But if you're
making a few mistakes with women, you are going to have
them running for the hills. And honestly, a lot of the men that
I work with at first, they're afraid to flirt. They don't want
to bother women. They don't think that they know how they're
afraid of rejection, which of course, it's natural to be
afraid of rejection. But the truth is, if you want to land
the girl, you have got to put yourself out there, put yourself
out there. I know, that's like the most common advice that you
hear, put yourself out there. What does that mean? Don't
worry, I'm here to help I'm sex and relationship coach Caitlin
v. And today I am breaking down the top five flirting faux pas
that men make when trying to attract a woman. And once you
eliminate these from your flirting repertoire, you will be
able to chat up any woman with confidence and ease and trust me
I know I love flirting I love when people flirt with me, I
think flirting is like one of the great benefits and
birthrights of being a human being. And I don't mean just
flirting for the purpose of getting laid just like flirting
in general, like having a flirtatious exchange. And the
purpose of flirting is to have a communication that is mutually
fun and entertaining. It's not about conveying important
information. If you've ever flirted with someone for any
length of time, you know that you can flirt without actually
knowing that person's name, what they do for a living where they
live in the world, what they're up to. I've had some of the
best, most flirtatious conversations with people who I
actually never saw, again. And what I think it all comes down
to is a willingness to have fun, and be competent. And helping
men become more confident is exactly what we do here on this
channel. And in my various courses, and coaching, please
check all that below in the description. But in the
meantime, let's get to it. Here are the tips to make sure that
you are coming off as the sexy, smoldering, flawless flirt. I
know you can be number one ditch expectations, and entitlement
boy or boy, seriously, you guys, this is the root of a lot of
your pain and suffering. You see, flirting is meant to be fun
and light by definition. So when you come into it with a set of
expectations, you're actually taking the fun out of it for you
and for her for everyone involved. The person in the
elevator listening is painful for all of us. The truth is,
when you flirt with a woman, what you're doing is extending
her a party invitation and asking her to RSVP to the
conversation. It is as simple as putting it out there and seeing
if the answer is yes or no. The truth is you have no idea why
she might answer now she's had a long day she's in a relationship
you're too attractive to her for me, you're just barking up the
wrong tree and she knows it. Most times. We never know why
someone RSVPs no to our flirting party and that is okay. Problem
is when you get entitled about her attention or her energy. If
she says no, but good guy, regular guy accepts the note of
the RSVP and maybe ask the next person. But a guy who has
entitlement doesn't accept a no gracefully. So yeah, if you buy
her drink at the bar does not mean that she has to talk to
you. If you spend all night dancing with her does not mean
that you are entitled to her number. Remember that you're not
entitled to anything from her and flirting becomes way more
fun. Number two, forcing an outcome forcing a specific
outcome. Gentlemen, if you have an agenda, while flirting with a
woman, I am begging you throw it the out, throw it in the closest
dumpster fire possible, the best, most enjoyable flirting
happens when both parties are just going with the flow. I
actually think this is the most important piece about flirting
is that it is all about a flow. If you're in your mind, it's
probably not gonna go all that well. And if you're in your
mind, specifically focused on a goal, and that goal for most of
us is sex, then you're not letting the interaction flow in
a natural way and you're not really being present because
you're not present. We're here because you're thinking about
the future. What do I need to say in order to get her to take
your pants off? The truth is that that guy, the guy that you
don't want to be he's constantly saying whatever he thinks he
needs to, to get him laid. And this my friends is something
that women sniff out immediately.
Sounds like moldy cheese and desperation when you're flirting
with the women.
Have you come in with no expectations, that also means
that you are open to all outcomes and probably 99 out of
100 times that you flirt with a woman, the outcome is that you
smile and nod and tell her to have a good day at the end, but
maybe that one out of 100 you end up getting late. The point
is that if you show up authentically, you're going to
have a good time, no matter what. And so will she not sound
better? Number three, pushing beyond her. No, probably the
creepiest thing that you can do inside of a flirtation is not
hearing her. No, but it's not even just inside of a
flirtation. I mean, this is true at every stage of courtship, she
says no, and you keep going because you were socialized and
conditioned that women's no just means try harder. But I'm here
to tell you it's the 21st century No means no. And
sometimes even guys who mean really well get a little pushy.
But here's the thing about no. And most guys don't realize
this. Women say no in a multitude of different ways. And
it is your job. Yes, your job to look out for them. It is not a
woman's job to say no and make it awkward for everyone
involved. She may say no in a bunch of different ways. And if
you're not looking out for them, she may end up screaming at you
embarrassing you ghosting you or giving you a fake number, etc,
etc. Women don't want to hurt your feelings. As a general
rule. We don't want to hurt your feelings but not just that we
also don't want to hurt your feelings in such a way that you
then get angry and or violent towards us. So we say no, by
walking away slowly shifting back. We say no by looking
around the room and looking for somebody else to talk to or our
friend to go hey, sorry, I gotta run. We say no by giving you a
fake number, not by handing you our cell phone. To call yourself
from your job and flirting is to make a woman feel comfortable.
If you can't make her feel comfortable flirting with you.
You're not going to get her to feel comfortable sleeping with
you. So look for the signs of her saying no look for her body
language. Look for her eyes. Look for her trying to get away
from you don't get you personally should just say no to
your flirt party invitation and don't look so much for her know
that you miss her saying yes, I mean, her saying yes. Could be
her reaching out and touching you could be her holding your
eye contact. It could be her making little advances towards
Hey, where do you live? What are you doing later? What kind of
plans do you have? Did you drive here? These may be indicating
her saying? Yes. And if you're not sure, just ask her point
blank. Are you flirting with me? Are you trying to come home with
me? Do you want to ask confirm that? Yes. Or no? Honestly, at
the end of the day, the trick is just to be real with yourself.
Are you the type of guy that fixates on the signs of
rejection? Or are you the type of guy that fixates on the signs
of invitation, if you know which way you generally lean towards,
like you think everyone's trying to sleep with you or think no
one wants to sleep with you probably just consider moving
your attention towards the other side. Number four, trying to be
someone you're not flirting is all about natural chemistry. So
you can be Don Juan the woman whisperer with one person and
feel like a blubbering mess with the next you can have an amazing
flirtatious conversation with this woman, and feel like
everything that you say is completely falling on deaf ears
with another. This means that even when you eliminate all of
the rookie flirting mistakes that you may have been making,
for watching this video and subscribing. You're still not
going to hit it off with every single person every single time.
And yet going up to a person that you find attractive only to
find out that you can't have a fun party like conversational
flirtation flow. Okay, yeah, it sucks. But it would be a huge
mistake to try to fix that by pretending to be someone who
you're not. Even when things don't work out. You still have
to show up as yourself for more than one reason. I mean, first
of all, you deserve the type of person who sees you for you and
loves you for you. And when it comes to flirting, sex
relationships, the truth is that there isn't one right way to do
it. There's only your right way to do it. The trick is to find
someone who vibes with your way. And second, trying to change for
the approval of others is a surefire way to drain your
confidence. I mean, how many of us, myself included, can think
of a time where we tried to be something other than ourselves,
and it ended up making us feel worse, lowered our self esteem
lowered our confidence. It made us feel even more rejected. I
would rather be rejected for who I actually am, then be rejected
for the person who I am pretending to be I mean, that
hurts way worse. I put an effort pretending to be someone else
and they still got rejected. And besides that, you know, it reeks
of desperation pretending to be someone that you are not so show
up as yourself. It is literally the only way to go. And finally,
number five flirting faux PA is freaking out. When it doesn't go
your way. Rejection sucks.
It just does. I don't think there's anyone in the world who
actually likes it. There's just some people who are better at
receiving rejection than others. And in case you're thinking to
yourself, Caitlin, I'm a man, you don't know what it's like to
be rejected or hurts me more than it hurts you. That's not
true. I've been rejected by romantic partners, sexual
partners, jobs, friends, even dog owners when like, I really
just wanted to pet their dog and I could tell that the dog wanted
to pet me. But there was a clear rejection full out. No, ladies
stay away from this taco, I get it, rejection sucks. And if you
are taking chances in life, you are going to get rejected. That
is just a fact. My friends, if you are taking big swings,
you're gonna get big misses as well as big hits. Taking
rejection in stride is crucial if you don't want to come across
as that guy. So don't throw a ping temper tantrum. If you get
rejected, don't follow her down the street, continue to demand
more of her time, keep coming up to her at the bar. And for the
love of God. Do not try to insult her or make her feel bad.
It's probably the least attractive thing that you can
do. As hard as it is to believe. You've got to understand that
rejection is not personal. If a woman does it flirt back doesn't
have anything to do with you or your inherent worth. There are
tons of women out there who would be so lucky to get your
time and attention. This one, she's just not that one. She's
just not the match. It doesn't have to do with who you are or
how you look or your dick size or whatever handling rejection
and doing so with elegance and class is sexy. And not taking
every rejection to heart will do wonders for your competence and
improve your interactions with women.
And if you want to be surrounded by a community of men who are on
your level who are doing the things that you are doing to
become experts at flirting and debt, getting, yes, that's what
I said. Please check out my group coaching program for men
high performance male, where we are turning out sexual Jedi
Knights warm.
Lightsaber noise
every single day. All right, those are my five flirting faux
pas right in the comments what I missed. I'm sure you can think
of more acknowledging flirting can be scary. There's always a
chance that you can get turned down, but even more reason to go
out and practice as much as possible because if you don't
face your fears and flirt, you'll never know what was
possible for you. I'm Caitlin V. Thanks so much for tuning in.
I'll see you here next week.