Narrator: Dr. Ivan Ostril.
Narrator: After a freak accident, extended exposure to bad video games now causes him to transform into,
Narrator: Having tried to escape captivity from his employers, Ivan failed and was recaptured.
Narrator: Now, under the watchful eye of a therapist,
Narrator: the company hopes to once Again continue their experiments.
Susan: And how are we doing today, Ivan?
Ivan: So far as prisoners go, I suppose I could be worse.
Ivan: I mean, I have been worse.
Susan: And look how far you've come!
Susan: It's been nearly a year since your last incident.
Susan: Seems like our sessions together have been helping.
Ivan: No, not being forced to play shovelware and motion control minigames.
Ivan: That's what's helping.
Susan: I guess...
Susan: We'll see....
Ivan: What?
Susan: The people upstairs.
Susan: They think it's about time to-
Ivan: Time to what?
Ivan: Don't tell me they've decided to-
Susan: do something different...
Susan: They've acknowledged that sending you games with farting duck men was not particularly effective.
Susan: From now on they've agreed to only send you games from successful, well reviewed franchises,
Susan: starting today.
Susan: I'm told the Sonic franchise Is well Known for its beloved characters and tight precise gameplay.
Ivan: I haven't heard good things about this game...
Ivan: I'm not sure it's something that I should-
Susan: Give it a try, Ivan. And please?
Susan: We've made so much progress together.
Susan: But you're never going to cure yourself if you're not willing to work.
Ivan: Okay, sure. Just to try.
[cutscene plays]
Ivan: This looks like some sort of horrifying crossover between Sonic and Final Fantasy.
SusanL We can bring you Lightning Returns if you'd like more Final Fantasy.
Ivan: If only that were true, Eggman.
[crickets]
Ivan: And here I thought we had to go fast.
Ivan: All that loading for just one line of dialogue?!
Ivan: This camera is terrible!
Ivan: It's all over the place and it changes at the worst possible times!
Susan: Stay calm, it's it's okay..
Susan: It's just a Sonic game; it's not like when you played Goosebumps, or Six Flags.. right?
Ivan: No autosave? I'm all the way back here again?!?
Ivan: You're right, this isn't like Goosebumps.
Ivan: IT'S WORSE!!!!
[transformation music]
Ivan: *coughing*
Ivan: GAAAAAHHHHH!!!!
[glass breaks]
Shovelwarewolf: *howls* [nice new do :)]
Shovelwarewolf: Great advice for playing this game.
Shovelwarewolf: It's no secret, Baldy.
Shovelwarewolf: The Flames of Disaster was probably the working title of this game!!
Shovelwarewolf: Let's give this bozo a try.
Shovelwarewolf: How'd they manage to make a player even worse than Sonic?
Shovelwarewolf: Sega deserves a Nobel Prize for advancement in terrible game design!
Shovelwarewolf: YOU CAN AIM???
Shovelwarewolf: Ain't that the truth.
Shovelwarewolf: I'd like to eliminate whoever wrote this story, because I'm getting Iblis TRIGGERED!
Shovelwarewolf: This game's release day was the Day of Disaster.
Shovelwarewolf: AAH!
Shovelwarewolf: Just gotta get up here, and then I can finish this.
Shovelwarewolf: What?
Shovelwarewolf: I suffered through all this, just so the game could glitch out when i try to grab a stupid flower?
Shovelwarewolf: And now I have to start all over?
Shovelwarewolf: Fine! Save me from this torture, Needlemouse!
Shovelwarewolf: What? Every Soldier??
Shovelwarewolf: No way, Meat Sack. It's time to Google this.
Shovelwarewolf: Ha! It's you, you weasel!
Shovelwarewolf: Telling me to find the captain, but it's you!
Shovelwarewolf: Look at me.
Shovelwarewolf: I am the captain now.
Shovelwarewolf: What a tedious song.
Shovelwarewolf: I gotta spice this up, and fast.
Shovelwarewolf: Ah!
[Hard rock music plays]
Shovelwarewolf: WHOO!
Shovelwarewolf: OH YEAH!
Shovelwarewolf: ♪ Jumping around pressing X to pound. ♪
Shovelwarewolf: ♪ Got no hope of fun, can't control where my guys run. ♪
Shovelwarewolf: ♪ Stuck in the ground I can't keep moving on. ♪
Shovelwarewolf: ♪ More glitches ahead gonna blow all my brains out. ♪
Shovelwarewolf: ♪ Must keep on tripping ahead. ♪
Shovelwarewolf: ♪ Here's hoping Shadow's levels don't suck instead! ♪
Shovelwarewolf: ♪ It's all just more of the same. ♪
Shovelwarewolf: ♪ Get this car off of my game! ♪
Shovelwarewolf: ♪ Misery! ♪
Shovelwarewolf: ♪ Can't you see? ♪
Shovelwarewolf: ♪ Death is the only escape! It's so SH***Y! ♪
Shovelwarewolf: ♪ Can't make it through! This game is poo! ♪
Shovelwarewolf: ♪ JUST KILL ME! ♪
[record scratch] [music stops]
Shovelwarewolf: Thank you! Thank you very much!
Shovelwarewolf: I totally crushed it!
SUBSCRIBE to Random Encounters :p. And remember the shovelware wolf will return...
Shovelwarewolf: *mimicking Elise* Hey, everyone! Thanks for coming to my [unintelligible]!
Shovelwarewolf: *mimicking Elise* AAHH! Oh-Oh no, we're under attack!
Shovelwarewolf: *mimicking Elise* It's robots!
Shovelwarewolf: *mimicking spectators* AAHH!! OOOUUUGGHH!! Oh no, it's robots!
Shovelwarewolf: *mimicking robots* WE. ARE THE ROBOTS.
Shovelwarewolf: *mimicking robots* WE DID NOT. GET AN INVITE. TO YOUR [UNINTELLEGIBLE].
Shovelwarewolf: *mimicking robots* SO WE ARE CRASHING IT. BE PREPARED. TO BE CRASHED.