Hey, Schwoz.
- Big fella. - My man.
Schwoz. Maybe we should take a day off.
No. Thursday is my day.
I'll buy the shirts.
Hold up. Hold up.
He's been acting weird.
- He's Schwoz. - He's always weird.
It's kind of his thing.
No, this week he's been like, double weird.
Yeah, with the dancing and the sketching.
Hey! Why you been weird?
I'm always weird. Uh, it's kind of my thing.
Checks out.
I can tell you're lying.
What? No. It's Wednesday,
Why were you dancing to old-timey music?
And why were you sketching old-timey ladies?
And why were you watching and old-timey movie?
And what's this big fancy music computer?
That's what I'd like to know.
I'm dating an old-timey lady.
Where is she?
She's not here. No, she's at the old-timey home.
I'm just getting used to doing the things she likes.
That's so sweet.
He also said, "old' and it's gross.
Oh, no, no, no, she's beautiful, but it's a secret,
so you can't say anything to Ray.
Why not?
He'll try to steal her from me.
Oh, she a mom?
- Yes. - Got it.
Ah, gotcha.
Happy for you.
I can't even feel my arm.
- These vests are hot. - So hot.
We're gonna be so good at Thursday fishing,
How many fireworms should we bring?
Fireworms? The whole thing.
I wonder if we should leave the fireworms at home this time.
- What? - Ah, honey?
I think that's why
we keep accidentally setting stuff on fire.
You can't prove that.
That's fair. Bring 'em.
- Yes. - Yes.
Bye Ray.
Don't talk to me.
Kind of doing my own thing this week.
Hey, what was that thing we're not supposed to tell?
Huh, huh, huh? What? What?
Thought you're doing your own thing this week.
I just did. Went fine.
W-What are you not supposed to tell me?
Nothing.
Something about Schwoz... and a girlfriend.
The one time you actually remember something.
That was it, and we weren't supposed to tell you
that Schwoz has a girlfriend.
An old one, if I'm not mistaken.
Schwoz bought a haunted school,
and he's hoping I don't find out.
What?
Isn't it obvious?
No.
Old rhymes with bold,
which is what one would have to lie to me.
Also, Schwoz was born in October, see, he's a Libra
and everybody knows that Libras only do
two out of every three things you ask 'em to do.
And you know who else is a Libra?
Jasper.
Jasper rhymes with Casper, who is a very famous ghost,
ergo, Schwoz bought a haunted school,
which is specifically what I told him not to do.
Um, what?
Hey, Schwoz, maybe if I created, like a fake school
for Henry, he'll unquit and stay in Swellview.
So, uh, find me-
find me a school I can buy, huh? Right now.
Uh, but I have to wipe the memories
of all the people from Neighbor--
Just buy me a school, Schwoz, right now.
For cheap.
I can probably find you a school...
- For cheap. - ...right now, but-
Yes, for cheap.
There's one thing, though.
Is it okay if the school is haunted?
It can't be haunted. [Schwoz groaning]
Do it, Schwoz.
Bye.
Okay, cheap, can buy right now, not haunted.
[groaning]
And if I unclick, not haunted.
Ah, bingo.
Ding dong, darlings.
Why, I've been absolutely dying to meet you.
Nope.
- Oh, my Lord. - Oh, my Lord.
I thought you were a ghost.
[laughing]
I have nothing to do with ghosts.
[laughing]
Yeah, yeah. Break this carrot.
Uh, Dad, I have a lot of questions
about what's going on here.
I will answer one.
Okay, what's going on here?
Every 17 years,
the Swellview soul produces giant carrots.
Go on.
And not many people know this, but if you roast a giant carrot
for three straight days, it turns into meat.
What kinda meat?
I said one question.
Ghosts are beings that are stuck
between our world and the afterlife.
We need to help Tilda move on.
Then do it. For cheap.
I've been trying to since we moved in,
but Tilda can't move on to the afterlife
until she does all the things
she wanted to do before she died.
That's why you were doing all that weird, weird stuff.
Yes. And Tilda has a long list of things she needs to do.
So, let's all just work through Tilda's list
as fast as possible.
Okay, who wants to help Tilda ride the tandem bicycle?
Mm, not me.
You know, in my day,
women weren't allowed to ride bicycles.
They said it'd make us hysterical.
And I think they were right.
Ah, ah, ooh.
You know, in my day,
women weren't allowed to do math.
[gasping] No.
They said it was a path straight to the underworld.
It's not though, right?
You know, back in my day,
women weren't allowed to do stand-up comedy.
All that standing up would make our legs too strong,
and then we'd all run away.
[laughing]
That was the last thing on your list,
so, not sure why you're not floating away
to the afterlife.
Ha! That was the last thing on my first list, silly pants.
This gal Friday's got lists to Wednesday.
Ah, that's it.
Schwoz, time to ghost me.
Are you sure? It's so dangerous.
The only way.
Uh, I have questions,
I will answer none. Now, ghost me, Schwoz.
This literally turns Ray into a ghost?
Slows his heart right down to one beat per hour.
It allows Ray to temporarily cross over
into the ghost realm.
Whoa.
I'll be able to solve our little Tilda problem
if I put my ghost boot right through her ghost butt
on send her out the ghost door.
Now ghost me, Schwoz.
Boo. [Ray shrieks]
Ghost fight, eh? Why, I game.
Back in my day, women weren't allowed to fight.
So I cut my hair short and earned a pretty penny
fighting strong men in the alley behind our local watering hole.
Buckle up, buttercup.
I'm about to turn those blue eyes black.
Hope you're hungry, pretty boy.
I got two knuckle sandwiches for you.
Thanks for calling me pretty.
I've never seen a ghost fight before.
This job is awesome.
Ha. Awesome.
Okay, get ready to meet the Swollson twins,
Mary Kate and Smashley.
Hey, less talking, more punching.
- Agree. - Fight.
Ow!
Why am I not okay yet?
You may not be indestructible when you're a ghost.
W-What? Why didn't you tell me that be-
Sweet dreams, sailor.
Tilda, I don't mean to be rude, but you gotta go.
Wow. I hate to see when you mean to be rude.
Don't you want to cross over?
Oh, I'd love to cross over,
but what I need to do to cross over
is eat one of those famous Swellview meat carrots.
My dad and my brother are roasting a meat carrot
on our patio right now.
Well, that's all fine and yummy, but this ghost has no tummy.
See? Food goes right through me.
I'm the same way with Nacho Ball.
I'll bet Schwoz has some kind of way to fix that.
Yeah, science, science, science. Now Tilda can eat.
You guys, you can't just say science, science, science
and expect me to have an answer for everything.
I mean, in this case, I do, and it happens to be funny.
What is it?
Yeah, spill it, lab rat, I'm all ears.
Okay. Uh, basically, I capture your spirit,
I turn you into liquid, someone drinks you,
science, science, science, and then
you're in that person's body.
Wow. Science has come a long way
since we used to drill holes in our hands
to cure hiccups.
No way. That works?
No.
Well, what are we waiting for? Liquify me, lollipop.
I'm not getting any deader over here.
Okay, but we'll need someone to drink you
and let you in their body.
- No! - Not it!
Ah. I am properly hydrated.
- There he is. - Miles.
Buddy.
What you guys doing back?
Just shut up and drink.
So weird. I was actually just saying
how hydrated I am. I'm good.
You know, I think I could use another sip.
All of it.
Okay.
- Yeah. - That's right.
Say, this meat is simply top-drawer.
I can't believe you roasted it on your old patio, Daddio.
Why you talking like that?
Why, I'm talking as normal as a $2 turkey sandwich.
No, you're not. You sound ridiculous.
Just shut up and eat your last bite.
Yeah, go, go, go.
No, savor it.
Is she gone?
I don't know.
[belching]
Toodaloo, buckaroos.
Nope.
Did you guys make me drink Tilda?
Who's up for Sunday group henna tattoos?
Is it Sunday?
It's Sunday somewhere.
That's inaccurate.
[overlapping chatter]