If you're dating someone
obviously you want to know
a lot about them
so that you can work out whether or not
they're the right match for you.
However, the last thing that you want to do
is turn that date into an interview
or interrogate them to such a point
where it just takes the joy out of it
and what you do is you end up self sabotaging.
So, how do you date
without interviewing your date?
Well, let's talk about that in this video.
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Hey everyone, welcome back
I’m Renee Slansky for Flirtini
and I’m a professional dating and relationship coach.
And today yes, we're going to talk about
how to handle a date
the normal way.
Remember when dates used to be something fun
and exciting and it wasn't about trying to
dissect somebody to the point where
you're just trying to work out are they the one?
Well, let's dive into those tips,
but before I do that don't forget to subscribe,
give me a like or a heart
and drop a thanks Renee down below
if this video does help you.
Okay, very first thing that you need to do
is you need to keep the questions casual.
It's normal to go on a date and ask questions such as
what you do for work?
What was it like growing up in a big family?
What are some of the things
that you enjoy doing in your spare time?
These are general sort of questions.
Now, if you're not sure
when it comes to general questions
what I suggest is thinking of this person
as somebody at a work function.
Now, at a work function
you try to be friendly and warm.
However, you still have this boundary there
so you don't necessarily come across as
full-on flirty, okay.
Now, obviously if you're on a date you don't want to be
so professional with that person that you don't
come across that you are interested.
However, if you're somebody
who tends to just dive
into deep questions way too soon
then have that in the back of your mind
would I actually ask
a person that I work with this question?
If the answer is no,
then probably don't ask your date that question.
It's not to say that
you can't ask this person deeper questions later on.
The whole point of that is
doing it later on
when you've actually had a bit of an opportunity
to get to know them on the surface level first
and worked out if there is a connection.
Remember that dating is a process
and the only way that you're fully going to get
to know someone is over time.
So, hounding them with a million questions
that are really deep and full-on right from the beginning
is not going to do you any favors
and it isn't going to give you the right answer.
Number two,
give them space to be themselves.
What we do when we date
is if we are really hungry for love.
Sorry about that.
Is we tend to
have this idea in our head of what we want
our perfect partner to look like
and we try to mold them and fit them
in the idea of who we want them to be
instead of allowing them
to be exactly who they are.
Or we fall in love with their potential
instead of actually looking at the reality
of what they're currently doing
and who they are as a person.
So, by giving them space to be themselves
allow them when you're on that date
to make their jokes,
have them ask you questions,
assess their character how do they behave.
You know don't necessarily feel
that you need to force them
to be a certain way
because what that will do
is if you're trying to again,
get them to have a specific answer to something
or you're testing them
by asking specific questions
or doing certain things
then you're not really going to get
a genuine response from that person
or you're going to be really disappointed at the end.
Okay number three, really important
to keep things fun.
Inject some fun.
Now if you're somebody who finds that
you struggle to be able to have
that light, casual, fun date
then don't rely on you know, you
being able to bring that.
Instead, rely on the environment
being able to bring that.
So, maybe dinner dates aren't your thing
because it does turn into an interview.
Okay, get outside, do something fun,
go and rock climb,
go and do some trapezium flying,
go and do some kayaking,
maybe go and do a cheese baking
class with champagne.
You know, get creative
and go on a date that
is already in a fun environment
or a date that actually makes it romantic
or makes it date like
instead of you feeling that
it's just you and them sitting down at the table
while you're asking them a million questions.
Okay number four,
take away the pros and cons.
Now, what I mean by this is
yes, when you date someone
you do actually want to know at the end of the date
should I see them again?
However, you want to do this in a way where
you're not necessarily
having to ask them 50 questions
or fill out a questionnaire box before they date you
for you to work out okay,
here are the pros and here are the cons.
Simply by sitting back and watching them,
listening to what they're saying,
seeing how they're interacting
with you and the environment.
And seeing what the communication is like
in between dates
gives you the opportunity to work out
what are the pros of this person
and what are the cons of this person
with how much I know about them
in each different stage.
Or I guess what you could call them as
red flags and green flags, okay.
Are there a zillion red flags on the first date
so you know okay, definitely
you shouldn't go on a second date with them.
Or are there some green flags and red flags
and you need to go on another date
and by getting to know them on that second date
it'll give you a little bit more of a layer
to work out if you should continue to date that person
and if you are compatible.
And lastly a big way
to be able to date someone
and eventually know if they're your match
without turning it into an interview
and interrogating them
is take your time
and see what they're consistent in.
Consistency never lies and the reason why
is because it is based on our subconscious
and we operate on our subconscious
majority of the time.
So, whatever we do
as a default without even thinking
is an indication of who we are,
where we're at,
what we want, what we're thinking.
So, for example, if they are consistently
letting you down and never showing up
on dates on time
if they're consistently rude,
if they're consistently bad mannered
or if they're consistently actually
really romantic and genuine and nice
that will give you a bit more of an indication
for what their intentions are
and what their character is like as well.
And this is obviously
part of the layering effect
to be able to get to know someone to work out
are you compatible with them
and is this connection worth investing more into.
Well, I hope that this helped you
and let me know
in the comments down below
what are some of the casual questions that
you normally ask your dates
so that it doesn't come across as
a full-on interview
but it still gives you an idea
of a bit more about them?
Let us know in the comments.
All right, don't forget to of course
check out the Flirtini app
if you're looking to build your social circle.
You know dating apps
don't just have to be for a romantic connection.
Maybe you want to be able
to connect with more friends,
but of course, if you do want a romantic connection
then the app's great for that as well.
The link for the app is in the comments down below.
All right, until next time
I’m Renee Slansky
give me a thumbs up or a heart,
don't forget to subscribe
and I'll see you guys next time, bye for now.
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