Phil: hey guys! Dan: whaddup
So we are going to Australia tonight
(dan) oh my god!
to start the Australian leg of our stage show
The Amazing Tour Is Not On Fire (awkwardly synchronised)
that..
I didn't think we'd be saying that at the same time
(phil) it was pretty synchronised
I don't think that's a thing we should do
So if YOU are an Aussie
and want to come see us in real life
and watch the show, go to...
Oh
danandphiltour.com
(Phil) Yeah
That's what you wanted me to say right?
(Phil) Yes
well there are still tickets available in the following places
We should do these in an Australian accent
(dan) Should we? (phil) YES!
(dan) I don't think we should. I think thats a terrible idea
(phil) the accent of the people...
(dan) OH GOD
(phil) ...so we can get used to it
we are gonna be in:
(australian accents) Perth.
Adelaide
Melbourne
Syd-
(cringing at accent attempt)
Sydney
(Laughter)
(back to regular voices)
Dan, what was that?
and Brisbane. (phil) Brisbane
ok we're going to: Perth, Adelaide, Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane
danandphiltour.com there's still tickets available.
(dan) Come see the show (Phil) come... come see us
As we are travelling to a wild and mysterious land
(dan) totally (!)
I thought we could find out
whether we are going to survive this trip to Australia
(Dan) like your anime video? (phil) yes
(dan) i get it
(phil) With: Will Dan And Phil Survive Australia?
(imitates booming sound effect)
(dan) I presume there was some kind of effect there?
I don't know what thats going to be when you edit it
(Phil) that was the.. the noise of a roaring.. kangaroo(?)
So before we begin
i got us some outfits to get us into the spirit of Australia
(Dan) what do you mean? (phil) uh haha
are you ready for this? (dan) No.
Phil what have you got OH MY GOD
I got myself a shark fin
cause... austra- phil please sort your fin out
there we go ok
(phil) it's nice and erect
(dan) thats just great. its not even fitting on the camera
strong fin phil
(imitates Jaws theme)
And what headband do I have?
(Phil) uh I have got you..
That's not a headband.
(phil) THIS!
What is this?
(phil) It's a kangaroo suit
are you (bleep)ing kidding me?
(phil) i think you would look good in it
You got yourself a shark headband!
and you expect me to wear a kanga-
you've planned this whole thing haven't you?
ok guys, Phil is taking this video seriously
Come on Skip
Really Phil?
(phil) this is amazing
OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS!?
(phil) It's your Joey
it's in a very suspicious place but it is your Joey
(dan) Oh my god I actually have a pouch
(phil) Look at your claws
(dan) im not gon- Hey
This is quite a premium suit
i just need to look really hench and then im like a kangaroo
(phil) kangaroos are so buff aren't they?
(dan) they're muscly. seriously
(phil) they're very scary
Do not f(bleep) with a kanga
well i dont really know where to rate this in my fur suit experiences
(Phil) well it's not over yet dan
you need to put the head on
(dan) Nooo
this is really tight
(phil) Whoa look at that
you're never gonna get out of this
(ba ba bombom)
my ears hurt
its like you killed a kangaroo and are wearing its skin
look at it!
this is amazing! you should wear this all the time
(dan) Can i just quit this video?
so what type of shark are you then phil?
Well obviously a Great White
i mean look at my skin!
Nice roast there
(phil) whats your litt-
(dan) Please! Do not. I do not give you consent to stroke my Joey
(phil) whats it called?
Its called 'Little D'
Little Dan!
You cant call it 'Little D'
So, now that we're ready, lets go
So how is this working phil?
well I got some sub-headings
about things that could be a danger in australia
we'll have a chat about them and then decide whether we would
Survive or Die
is that die?
(phil) thats die
die is bad guys. thumbs down to death
what is the first thing?
Predators
oh great here we go
I found a Top 10 list of predators from Australia
(dan) uh huh
thought we could have a look through them
and see if we could survive the things we are about to meet
(australian accent) Australias Most Dangerous Animals
First up is the Textile Cone
the textile co-what is that? is that a shell?
(phil) its a snail that is powerful enough to kill a human if you stand on it
why are snails venomous?
thats not a thing that evolution-
(phil) why is that necessary?
thats Australia in a nutshell
its like England you have snails
australia you have
TEXTILE CONES!!!!
next up is the Cassowary
(dan) thats not a real animal
(phil) thats a pokemon
(dan) that is a straight up pokemon right there
(phil) what am i looking at?
apparently these are deadly birds that can kill a human
how?
they can kick you in the face
what? they just murder you with their bodies?
oh ok so they're just birds
that can physically kill you
so if you see the colour blue, just run away
next one is Drop Bears
(dan) wait a minute ph-
(phil) WHAT THE HELL IS THAT??
Phil you know what Drop Bears are, right?
(phil) what?
they're like, they're marsupials
they're like evil versions of koalas but bigger
(phil) NO! I thought koalas were cuddly and nice?
well yeah, theres normal koalas
but then these are a completely other kind of animal
(phil) it looks like a were-koala
they jump on people from trees
(phil) What The Hell!?
yeah well thats why they're called Drop Bears
(phil) I had no idea these were a thing
thats crazy
(dan) hey phil (phil) what?
Its a joke
there's no such thing as evil koalas
NO ITS A HOAX!
(phil) why is it in the list?
ITS LIKE THE bloody Yeti or something
(phil) Ooohh
You really thought there were evil koalas that jump- phil...
(phil) im so glad thats not real
(dan) you're so precious
next up we have the Blue Ringed Octopus
thats so beautiful!
(dan) thats actually really pretty
(phil) yeah i can't believe that would kill you
(dan) aww
I want to buy a suit just made out of those
Phil...
thats like '101 dalmations 2: Octopus edition'
Cruella de PHil
Ooohhh
dan won the video
claw-five
this is really intense
Do i have a tail?
(phil) you.. OH MYGOD
LOOK AT THIS!
(dan) Aw man life is amazing
(phil) Next up we have me, the shark
if you see a shark you should punch it in the nose
bop it in the shnoz
or poke it in the eyes and then swim away
(dan) Really? (phil) yeah
cause you know.. you really want to stick your arm
near the mouth of the shark
to deflect it
(phil) just punch it (dan) yes
(phil) just punch the shark
that is not scientific information
its just been passed down to me through the generations
and finally we have the big daddy
the Salt Water Crocodile
(dan) there's crocodiles in australia(!)
(phil) yeah, just wondering around the cities like
So that is some of the wildlife we may encounter
(dan) what environment doesn't try to kill you secretly?
(phil) I dont know!
(dan) i'm literally not going in the sea
(phil) yeah
(dan) I so- I dont care
(phil) im worried
so uh i think
we're definitely gonna DIE on that one
well there you go guys. the video has started with a
DIE on the predators Yeaah
oh my god
really? the sun?
Yeah! Australia is one of the hottest places on earth
Okay sorry i forgot who im with here
yes phil that is a straight up DIE for AmazingPhil
(phil) no wait, i mean i am going to go out and burst into flames
but we are going in winter
so it might not be that sunny
(dan) how hot is it right now?
(phil) okay. ask siri. Siri. SIRI
(aus accent) how hot is it right now in sydney?
it got it! that was clearly a good impression
(SIRI) it's only 12 degrees in Sydney, Australia
(SIRI) I don't find that particularly hot
(dan) what would you know siri?
where have you been behind my back?
(phil) you're just a robot. you dont have heat sensors
(dan) ok phil dont be mean
god that was just totally uncalled for
How hot is it going to be in Sydney tomorrow?
25. Nope phil you're still gonna roast
Ugh
So thats a strong DIE for me
(dan) when it comes to the sun
and I might just come back looking uh
a bit too tanned like that time that that happened
(phil) i miss that time
lets NOT remember that (phil) ok
Next up: the flight
(dan) what do you mean the flight?
no, you cant make people scared of flying
(phil) Its actually-
(dan) it is perfectly safe to fly
(phil) dan. it is 23 hours long.
Oh thats why - its 23?- i am gonna die. What the Hell?
(phil) our legs are too long for this
(dan) Have planes not learnt how to go faster since- (phil) no
England and Australia are literally completely opposite sides of the globe aren't they
(phil) can we not just drill through the earth?
Phil we're so tall (phil) i know
and planes are so cramped
Are you excited to hang out with me on a plane for 23 hours?
we can play I Spy
yeah? yeah?
oh my god we're leaving tonight
i haven't emotionally prepared myself for that. what the hell
For me I think the plane is a SURVIVE
so im taking my pillow, i'll be fine
And im gonna say the flight is a strong DIE for Dan
hey look i can do a little fin dance
sharks
still got your label on. 100% polyester
some fine materials there
(dan) PolyLESTER
boom
what was that noise i just made?
*diseased duck quacks*
(dan) I could wear this on the flight theres like storage in this pouch
look at this i can actually- i can hide a laptop in there
(phil) do you think they'd let you on the flight wearing that?
(dan) Could you imagine?
(phil) i think they'll arrest you at the airport
dan has a plan
Next up. Im sorry to everyone in the world
on the internet watching this but it has to be done
(phil) Spiders (dan) no- ugh
So dan I'm not going to talk about the really venomous ones in the middle of the desert
(dan) okay
Im going to talk about the common house spiders
we may encounter in Australia
I found a picture
so if you have a spider phobia, look away now.
here we go
(dan) OH MY GOD!!!!
(phil) Thats horrifying!
(dan) IS THAT ON A TOILET ROLL?!!?!
(phil) Yes (dan) THATS LIKE THAT BIG THEN
(phil) Its- Its got a face
Its actually got eyes and a face
(dan) It Has like (bleep)ing visible mandibles. What the (bleep) IS That?
(phil) so we've got that to look forward to
(dan) Are you (bleep)ing kidding me?
I think thats a huntsman spider
And thats common?? (phil) YES
thats not like th-the spider that you never see?
(phil) no. i saw like 2 of those when i was in australia last time
You can open your eyes now
you have NO IDEA how horrifying that was okay
I also have a fact:
statistically you are always 1 foot away from a spider in Australia
shut up
(phil) So, spiders dan?? (dan) What do you think?
Die
now we have: getting lost in the bush
excuse me?
If we're playing Pokemon Go and just wander out into the middle
we could be lost forever
Dan and Phil were never seen again
you know thats gonna happen
So judging by my sense of direction
and your need to play pokemon
I dont think we're just gonna walk into the wilderness
(phil) no (dan) in the middle of the night for no reason
we've got a tour to do
we're going to specific places (phil) True
i think we'll manage to survive without getting lost
And Finally (dan) okay last one
sexually transmitted infections
...from koalas
oohhh okay i had.. no idea were you were going with that one
(phil) if you cuddle a koala there is a small risk
it could wee on you and give you chlamydia
(dan) Because all koalas naturally carry chlamydia
(phil) yeah (dan) yep that is a weird as heck fact right there
did that happen to one direction or is that a myth?
there was a rumour that Liam got chlamydia from a koala
Im going to risk cuddling a koala
for the slight risk of chlamydia
(dan) I might just climb inside a giant condom and do it
(phil) nice! lets give it a thumbs up
we'll survive koalas! YAY
phil thumbs up not sideways
so how'd you do dan?
(dan) i said i would die 3/5 of those
surely we only need to say die to one of those
(to know that) this whole trip is a mistake
(phil) i think so. so are we going to survive this trip to Australia?
(dan) Noooooo (phil) Probably not
so i hope you've enjoyed
dan and phil. all these videos and stuff cause um
(phil) this is the end
(dan) this is it. going to australia and we're definitely going to die
so obviously we're just joking
we know australia isn't that dangerous
(dan) its a perfectly safe place- half of those things were actually safe
So australian subscribers out there
please leave a comment telling dan that he's very silly
and not going to die out there
PLEASE please explain everything in this video that was wrong so i dont freak out
(dan) Phil can i take this off (phil) yep go on then
(dan) oh my god this is so undignified
(phil) its like you're being born or something
WOW that is warm
so if you're in australia and want to come see our show
go to danandphiltour.com to get tickets
(dan) i look forward to meeting them actually
im expecting great things from these australian subscribers
like WE SURVIVE ALL OF THESE DANGERS
(phil) just an alligator around their neck
and if we do survive you can subscribe by clicking on my face
(dan) to see the videos that might be made
(phil) yeah (dan) exactly
or click on Dan's face to subscribe to him
and we'll see you next time.. hopefully
(phil) we had a bonza time mate
(dan) Can i- thats so offensive
we're not gonna be let into the country after these accents
(phil) sorry (dan) okay. sorry Little D
I might pack this actually (phil) you should pack it
I'm actually gonna pack this
OK time to wack this off
ok BYE
(distorted voice) GOODBYE
(imitates Jaws theme)
(dan) I regret consenting to this video
(phil) Jumpscare