It's a few episodes ago.
We inadvertently stumbled
upon a new segment called "Sound Effects Theater"
where Sona and I set up environments and uh Conan,
you made the sound effects of the things
in that environment, but only using spoken word.
Yeah. I decided that too much work
and trouble goes into, you know, for movies
and TV shows and radio shows, especially podcasts
trying to recreate the actual sound
of a door opening or a cat walking.
And so I decided
why don't you just have someone say,
"door opened" (garbled voice)
you know and people will get the idea
It's genius!
Well, you know what? I know you're being sarcastic,
Yeah.
But, I think I might be onto something
because we should try to make podcasts, in particular,
as easy for everyone to use and to create.
That would be more democratic.
Let's, this is a favor we're doing.
Not everyone has to go out and buy special effects
or download them on some computer.
[Conan] Do it my way.
And I think we demonstrated
with our episode, that it really works.
Wait.
[Conan] It's, it got huge response.
(Sona groaning)
What?
It did.
But you're doing "Sound Effects Theater"
as an act of charity?
Yeah what? (chuckling)
No, as a man, who's not afraid to look
at something and say, why can't it be different?
You all look at what is and go, "That is."
(chuckling)
[Conan] I say, couldn't it be something different?
That's what makes me a visionary, in my opinion.
Ohh, okay.
All right.
[Sona] Well, you said it was what.
You said we did a good job.
Like it was successful.
It blew up.
[Sona] It was awful.
[Sona] But we did a terrible job with it.
Matt.
[Matt] It was.
It was a big hit.
Matt, I've had people stop me on the street
and ask for more "Sound Effects Theater",
And I've said, sorry, um, it's a lot of work,
and I don't have time for that kind of foolishness.
And then as I walk away, I go
walk away, walk away, walk away, walk away.(garbled voice)
(laughing)
Kills every time.
(laughing) Okay, so the last time we did this
was on the Seth Rogan episode, if you want to check it out,
but I'm just gonna throw something out in an environment.
Sona will and I will be in that environment.
We'll set you up for sound effects.
Are you guys ready?
No.
Yeah, I was born to do this.
I'm not.
I'm terrible at improv.
I, I think
No, you're not.
[Sona] I think that should already be (indistinct chatter)
You really can't be any worse than the sound effects.
You don't have anything to worry about.
Yeah, okay.
Laugh all you want, but I think I'm onto something.
All right.
Let's say this time, uh.
Okay. We're, we're on a battlefield.
Oh!
[Matt] All right.
(battle drumming)
Sergeant Movsesian, hand me the Colt 45 pistol.
Yeah, uh, yes, Co, Colonel?
Yes, can't you see these birds on my helmet?
You're right.
[Matt] Don't backtalk to me.
Sorry.
Hand me the Colt.
[Sona] But, wait wait.
Wait a minute, you can't even!
Wait no, no, no c'mon.
[Conan] How am I supposed to do the sound effects...
This is so stupid.
No, no, how am I going to do the sound effects
if you can't even talk?
I can talk!
I've just, I've never been on a battlefield. (chuckling)
He gave you, and also it's not like... improv is all
about making interesting choices.
[Matt] Oh, already, already...
He gave you a direct order.
I know.
That makes it so easy.
[Conan] All you have to do is say "Yes, sir."
You struggled with his imaginary rank.
(laughing)
How are we supposed to make any progress?
(laughing)
[Conan] He literally, it's just a yes, sir.
Here you go.
It's not like (grumbling)
"Okay, mm, Colonel, who I met in Indianapolis."
You don't have to do that.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Let's try it again and uh...
I'll simplify.
Just keep it simple.
Yeah.
Okay. (clearing throat)
(battlefield drumming)
Sergeant Movsesian, unholster your Colt 45.
I will do that, Colonel.
Unholster (high pitched voice)
Now, please cock the slide of the weapon
and chamber around.
Sure thing.
Cock! (high pitched voice)
Did you just call me a cock?
(laughing) My gun did.
I'm sorry.
Oh, okay.
Sorry.
All right.
Now I would like you to discharge your weapon at the target.
Yes, Colonel.
Fire, shoot! (high pitched voice)
(laughing) I think your gun just sneezed.
[Matt] Bless you.
Is your gun okay?
I don't know, Colonel.
It's, it's acting up weird.
So let me, I'm smacking it
so that it'll work better.(hands clapping together)
Rattle, rattle, rattle. (high pitched voice)
All right.
We're going to move on to something bigger.
I would like you to set up the M 60 machine gun.
Yes, sir.
Tripod unfold! (high pitched voice)
Please cock it.
Uh, yes, sir.
Cock. (whispery voice)
What did you say to me, Sergeant Movsesian?
I'm so sorry.
Look in my eyes.
That's two strikes.
You get one more chance at this.
Pleaes fire multiple rounds of this machine gun.
Oh, yes, sir.
Repeat fire shoot. (quickly spoken)
Smoked. (slowly spoken in a low voice)
All right, Sergeant Mov...
Oh, no!
Incoming fire!
Oh, no!
Get down!
Artillery!
I'm getting down!
Falling! (high pitched voice)
Impact!
Exploded! (slow drawn out voice)
Smoked. (small voice)
Sergeant, Sergeant, I'm hit.
Can't you hear the blood geysering out of my veins?
I can.
Pumpa spill. (long drawn out voice)
Oh, I'm not well.
[Conan] Spill. (high pitched drawn out voice)
Sounds really bad.
[Conan] Spill (high pitched drawn out voice)
Pumpa, pumpa spill.
You said geysering
and it sounds like it's just dribbling out.
Yeah, it seems weird, right?
[Sona] Yeah.
Let me listen again.
Pressure pour.
That's more like it.
[Conan] Pressure pour.
Yeah, pressure pour.
Oh my God.
Let me get a bandage and wrap that up for you, sir.
Rip it out. (voice dropping)
You took my heart out.
Why are you doing that?
It's the bandage you idiot.
Oh my God.
Did you hear that?
I'm a talking bandage.
Wait, what?
[Matt] What?
Wilbur, the talking bandage!
What just happened? (laughing)
A new advanced bandage that can talk. (low voice)
Wow!
It has a small chip.
We're made by Google.
(chuckling)
All right.
What should I do now, Colonel?
Just, just stitch me up and then we gotta do this quick
'cuz uh, we need to call in an airstrike on the radio.
So could you dial up the uh, the uh home headquarters?
Yes, sir.
Rotary turn.
Grr, click.
Grr.
Answer. (high pitch voice)
Answer.
Is there anybody there?
Headquarters headquarters.
This is Delta nine, calling.
Delta nine to headquarters.
Voice.
(laughing)
[Conan] Voice, voice, voice.
That's them alright.
Otherwise it wouldn't be a voice.
Voice, voice, voice, voice, voice, period.
[Matt] All right.
We'd like you to send in some uh, napalm at my coordinates.
Niner, Niner, Delta Niner.
(squeaking) Bomb.
Well, I don't have a lot of confidence in this air strike.
[Conan] Bomb doors open.
It's a weak sounding bomb.
[Conan] (sound of bomb dropping)
Oh, no it's headed right for us.
[Conan] (squealing) Explosion!
Death of one of you.
(laughing)
Can it be me, please?
Please, let it be me.
(laughing) No, no, no, no...
Please.
[Conan] (bombing sounds)
I'll take it.
I'll take one for the team.
No, no, c'mon.
Rock, scissors, paper.
[Conan] Smoke settling one dead the other alive...
No, no, no, we need you.
Okay?
Rocks is one, two, three.
Oh, shoot.
Scissors, scissors.
What does scissors sound like anyway?
[Conan] Snippa, snippa, snippa, cut.
That's right.
Snippa cut.
(laughing) snippa
Okay, one, two, three.
Ahhh!
Ohhhh!
I get to die. (laughing)
God, you're so lucky.
I can hear your last breath coming out of your mouth.
Exhale.
Spirit go to hell.
To hell? (laughing)
Oh ho ho. (laughing)
You shoplifted.
C'mon, man.
Ahhh
I think she did on previous episode.
(upbeat music)