- Sadly, our summer is almost over.
[cork pops, laughing]
Meaning, we only have two weekends left
to experience the mystery that is Jordan.
- I can't get it up.
Hello. What's goin' on?
- And just two weekends left of British summer romance
for Danielle...
- Why are you so good at throwing axes?
- ...and Hannah.
- My biological clock is ticking.
No, I'm just kidding. [laughing]
- And although I'll miss the summer dearly...
- I look like I work at, like, Macy's.
- I cannot be more pumped.
And not just because we're hosting Stassi, Beau,
Katie, and Tom.
- I'm saying we start with a shot.
- Awesome.
- But, also, I'm gonna propose to Amanda.
All right, so, I bought a ring.
- Oh, you're-- whoa, whoa, whoa. This is--
- Oh, yeah, don't tell anybody.
Lindsay's sticking by Peyman.
[laughing]
And Paige and Carl are sticking it to each other.
- Carl only talks to me Friday through Sunday.
- Oh!
- You guys are, like, literally comin' at me.
It's not fair.
- I'm pretty sure it's all Paige's fault.
She led him on for ten weeks.
- I didn't lead him on!
- You led him on.
- Things are on fire!
[screaming]
♪ We never stop ♪
♪ living the fast life from sunset to sunrise ♪
♪ let my loving take you over ♪
♪ I know of a place now ♪
♪ I'll show you the way ♪
♪♪♪
- Paige has the respect to sleep out
and not bring the guy that she went on a date with
back here.
- Then she slept in his bed...
...after she led him on for ten weeks.
- I didn't lead him on! - Led him on?!
- You led him on.
- You wanna walk away, right now.
- Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?
- Hey, he didn't know--
- Things are on fire! [screaming]
- Throw it in the pool! In the pool!
- In the pool! - In the pool!
- My hair extensions!
[cheers and applause]
- Beau, Beau, Beau!
- You just saved our lives.
- Your tracks are good, babe.
Your tracks-- - My extensions-- check 'em.
- Just making sure the extensions are good.
- Check the extensions.
Make sure they're all intact.
- Everyone, okay, I'm like-- - I have to go the bathroom.
I'll BRB. - Okay.
- Oh, my God! - Hi.
- Danielle.
- Guys, look who I found when I went to go pee.
- Hi. Hi. Oh, my gosh, hi. Hi.
- Hi. - Hi, hi, hi.
- Hi. This is my boyfriend, Beau.
- Hi. Danielle. - Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Paige? - What?
- You all right? - Yeah.
- Muah.
- I feel like there's a deeper thing happening
with us that you aren't, like, saying to me.
- Really? - Yeah.
- We spent ten weekends together, right?
- Right.
- And we've had a lot of fun.
- A ton of fun.
- Period. - Okay.
- Paige and I are cool.
It's not a bad thing that two people just don't vibe.
She's seeing someone else. I'm seeing someone else.
Her loss.
- She's not led him on. - Oh, really?
- They're having fun. - Are you serious?
♪♪♪
- You should not be involved in that conversation.
You know I'm really good friends with Paige,
and it just-- I don't like
when you come at her like that
about doing something when you're guilty of it yourself.
- Well, truth be told, I do feel Paige
has kinda been ----in' with Carl's mind.
Literally, I'm just talking about ----ing Carl
and Paige's situation,
and then somehow it's about us.
Are you ----ing cuckoo, now?
- Yes, Kyle. I'm cuckoo, now.
I'd rather you just not say anything than do that.
- Cool.
- That's all.
- You guys remind me of us.
- This has nothing to do with Amanda.
I'm getting ready to propose next weekend,
and I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that.
What this is about is Carl.
He needs some support.
- So, two years ago,
you were in the Hamptons, right?
- Yeah. - So, but, like,
how hard do you guys party in L.A.?
- Not as hard as y'all.
- Okay, you guys go hard on the weekends.
We have this, like, consistent.
- Every day.
- We go celibate during the week.
It's like, no alcohol.
- All the alcohol makes it not get up.
- Funny you should say that.
This guy's having a problem getting it up.
- Oh. - No.
- Yeah, works great, now.
- Oh.
- It's been nuts.
- You're out of control.
Jordan has been lying to the entire house
for a long time, now.
- I made out with three girls last night.
- Oh, my God. - No.
- I almost took home a hooker last night.
- And now Viagra.
It's almost like he's feeding an addiction,
and, as his friend,
I need to have an intervention with him.
- You don't have to do that.
We'll do it. You're guests.
- I do this for a living.
- Hey, we're takin' shots.
Let's go.
- In the words of Will Ferrell,
we're here to (BLEEP) sh-- up.
[cheering]
- Cheers. - Yes!
- Whoo!
- It's good that we argued over dinner
'cause there won't be anything left to argue about.
- Oh, there's plenty more.
- Are you okay? - Yeah.
- Carl, do you need to recover from that?
- At least your butt doesn't hurt like mine.
- What do you mean?
[cheering]
- I haven't stopped sh---ing.
- Two weeks later? That's not right.
This is what I love about Tom.
He's not gonna let a classic case
of Montezuma's revenge ruin his weekend.
He's here to party even if it means
running to the bathroom every 20 minutes
with his ass cheeks clenched.
- Jordan, can you come with me?
Yeah.
- Well, hopefully, the Hamptons,
you know, bring some, um, solidarity in your life.
- Solid-- solid. Ha-ha!
- What's goin' on?
- Okay, during this summer,
I've wanted to learn more about you
outside of work. - Yeah.
- And I really do like you as a person,
and I care for you, but you're obviously
having trouble opening up to people.
I honestly don't know your true side.
You're, like, trying to perpetuate this lies--
all these lies that aren't true,
when the real Jordan is the Jordan I love,
the Jordan that just wasn't trying
to impress anyone and talk about how,
you know, many girls he hooked up.
We don't give a (BLEEP) about that,
and it hurts me more than it might hurt other people
'cause I'm like, you know me.
I'm your girl in this house.
I'm your girl.
- But, Hannah, we're almost done
with the entire summer.
I wanna understand, like,
why you haven't brought this to me before.
- Is that the issue?
I said it five weeks ago,
and now it's still my feeling.
Everyone here thinks that you lie to them.
- And what am I lying about?
- You start off with, "I made out with three girls,"
and that was a lie.
Then, you said you almost took home a hooker.
That was a lie.
You opened your heart up to us and said
you haven't been able to get it up.
How many girls have you been with this last month
that you have a problem getting it up?
- I haven't. Period.
- So, then why would you go around telling people
that you have a problem getting it up in this last month,
when you haven't even tried to have sex?
- Because I do.
- But, if you haven't been with a girl--
- For myself, Hannah.
- You said, when you jerk off, it's not a problem.
You said that to me.
- Hannah, you are-- - I'm over it.
I'm over it. I'm done.
You need to stop. You calling--
- Hannah, you're being ridiculous.
- It's not the dumbest [indistinct]. - Is friendship dumb to you?
- Hannah, stop making my dick an issue!
Like, you're making my dick an issue.
- Oh, oh, no, your dick.
Anything I say, is wrong.