- [barista] Coffee be ready just over there.
- [customer] Thanks, man.
- [barista] Hey, bud.
What can I get for ya'?
- Uh, can I get a medium coffee to go?
- Medium coffee, got it.
Name?
- Zack.
- Zack, (shooting sounds) Zack Attack.
- Um...
- Hey Justin, can I get a medium brew
for my main bro, Zack Attack?
- [Justin] Zack Attack?
- Zack Attack!
- I like that.
- Right? Zack Attack.
- Zack Attack.
- Zack Attack!
- (drumming noises) Zack Attack.
- Hello, Mr. President?
Yeah, uh, the world is under a Zack Attack.
- Whoa, Justin, (panting) I'm having a Zack Attack.
Hey everybody? Attention please!
Put your coffees down, laptops closed.
Let's give it up for my main man, Zack Attack!
- No, you don't have to do, oh, c'mon, no, oh...
- [everybody] Zack Attack, Zack Attack, Zack Attack...
- It was torture.
I mean they all started chanting Zack Attack.
It made me feel like a frickin' six-year-old.
- Yeah, the life of a white straight male is so hard.
- I actually don't think it's that bad of a nickname.
- Look, you guys don't get it.
You all have amazing nicknames.
Sara Bear.
Neal's on Wheels.
Yo Gabby Gabby.
I just want to be called Zack.
Just plain Zack, is that too much to ask for?
- What up, Zack Attack?
- God damn it!
Okay, you know what?
First thing tomorrow, I'm gonna go in there,
and I'm gonna tell the barista what's what.
No one is ever gonna call me Zack Attack ever again.
- Honey, that is so sweet of you.
- Thank you!
I mean, just think about it, okay?
Some lonely tech worker, same routine every single morning.
He goes to work, he works, he punches in, punches out,
but then... (claps)
- Zack Attack!
- Yes! Zack Attack, yes, Abby!
- I bet you blew his mind!
- Oh no, I shook it up a little bit,
added some color into his life.
- Sent him straight back to childhood.
- You know what I did?
I gave him his fight club.
- You're so fucking hot right now.
- No, you are.
- Do you think you'll see him tomorrow?
- Maybe, but, maybe not.
- Hey, who wouldn't want to get Zack Attacked again?
- Oh, he will.
Don't worry, he will.
- What do you mean?
- Well, you know how sometimes I stay late
to use the work computer?
- Uh huh.
- I knew that just one Zack Attack wasn't gonna be enough
to change Zack's boring life around, so
I hacked into the California Government database,
and I legally changed his name to Zack Attack!
- Like on his driver's license and stuff?
- Yeah, birth certificate, tax identification,
even all the federal stuff.
- Ah, babe, he's gonna love that!
- So that's not even the end of it.
So, I did a little more hacking,
and I realized that reality itself
is just a simulation that's run entirely
out of the coffee shop back room computer!
- [Abby] Consciousness is just a stream of electrons
that exists in a computer in a virtual coffee shop?
- Yes, Abby, yes!
Everything is!
The feeling of the sun's warmth
as it rains across your face.
- The joy of holding your newborn child!
- All just binary bits of information
being processed on what I assume to be
is an inter-dimensional quantum computer!
- That's pretty cool!
- I had access to alter anything in our world.
- [Abby] You could cure cancer!
- Yes!
- You could end world hunger!
- Yes!
- You could resurrect lost loved ones!
- I had the power to end human suffering forever!
- So what did you do?
- I did the only logical thing
a man in my position could do.
I changed every instance of Zack's name to Zack Attack
in this universe and every alternate universe
past, present, and future.
- Wow.
That is so selfless.
- I know.
- Do you think it changed anything else?
- And can I get your name?
- Uh, yeah, it's Zack Attack.
- Got it, Zack.
- No, no, Zack Attack.
There's an Attack at the end, not Zack.
- Oh, okay.
- Oh, Hitler, hey, what's up, man?
- Oh, Zack Attack, what is up?
One cappuccino, please, Fraulein.
- [barista] And can I get a name for that?
- Uh, Hitler.
- [barista] Alright, Heather.
That'll be out in a few minutes.
- Uh, this always happens, it's Hitler.
So that's an H - I - T - L - E - R,
there's no Heather, there's only one H.
- Zack Attack!