WHAT, ANITTA AND SWEETIE, EVA LONGORIA BASTON, JD SMOOVE, MY
KIND OF SHOW.
MY KIND OF SHOW.
IT IS WHAT ST. YOU GOT TO GET AWAY FROM IT, YOU
FEEL IT, REG.
>> MAXIE SEXY.
>> James: HOW CAN WE MAKE THE SHOW A LITTLE SEXIER, YOU KNOW,
WE'RE LATE NIGHT, MIDDLE OF THE NIHT NOW, 12:30.
>> THE LIGHTS ARE TOO BRIGHT IN HERE.
IT IS THE ONE THING THAT IS NOT SEXY ABOUT THIS SHOW.
WE NEED TO TAKE IT DOWN TO POR OF A MOODY LIGHTING.
>> James: I WOULD LIKE THAT.
>> WOULDN'T THAT BE NICE.
>> James: CAN WE DO THAT, AC, HOW DO WE DO THAT?
>> .
>> James: STOP.
STOP.
>> MAYBE A LITTLE DRUM AND-BASE, JUST A LITTLE BIT-- .
>> James: DUDE, I CAN'T, I CAN'T, I CAN'T, I'M
CONTRACTUALLY NOT ALLOWED TO FEEL LIKE THIS WHEN I'M TOO
CLOSE TO PETE.
THAT'S THE TRUTH OF IT.
HOW IS THAT.
HOW DOES THAT LOOK ON TV.
CAN I SEE IT ON THE MONITOR?
OH, THAT'S WAY BETTER.
LOOK AT THAT.
I'VE ALMOST GOT CHEEK BONES.
HEY, BRING THE LIGHTS BACK UP.
THERE IS SOME BIG NEWS THOUGH, WE'VE GOT A BIRTHDAY TODAY TAND
WE'RE TALKING ABOUT SEXY T IS HANDS DOWN ONE OF SEXIEST PEOPLE
ON THE STAFF T IS MARK'S BIRTHDAY TODAY.
MARK.
LOOK AT THIS.
>> HEY JAMES, THANKS, EVERYBODY.
>> James: MARK, WHAT DO WE HAVE GOT PLANNED, ANYTHING
PLANNED.
>> WELL, WE WENT TO HAMILTONON SUNDAY.
>> James: NICE.
>> VERY NICE AND A QUIE ELEVATOR DINNER AT HOME.
>> QUIET DINNER AT HOME.
>> James: WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE BIT OF "HAMILTON."
>> I THINK THE FINALE IN THE FIRST ACT.
>> YEAH, YOUR PLAN.
>> IT WAS GOOD.
>> THE MOVEMENT ON STAGE WAS TREMENDOUS, REALLY.
>> YOU SHOULD WRITE THIS.
>> YEAH.
>> YOU SHOULD WRITE REVIEWS SEVEN YEARS AFTER A SHOW OPENED
WITHIN YES.
>> EXACTLY.
>> WELL, LOOK T IT CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER, IT'S THAT TIME, IT'S
TIME FOR THE NEWS.
>> AND LAST NIGHT WAS A HORRIBLE NIGHT FOR THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY.
STATES EASILY CARRIED BY JOE BIDEN LAST YEAR.
REPUBLICANS SWEPT ALL THREE STATEWIDE RACES IN VIRGINIA, AND
EVEN UNEXPECTEDLY TOOK THE NEW JERSEY GOVERNOR RACE DOWN TO THE
WIRE.
I CAN'T KNOW WHY IT STAYS UNEXPECTEDLY.
A DEMOCRAT BLOWING A GUARANTEED WIN IS ALWAYS AT LEAST A LITTLE
EXPECTED.
IT WAS SO BAD LAST NIGHT THAT DEMOCRATS STARTED CONSIDERING
SOME PRETTY DESPERATE OPTIONS.
JOE BIDEN WAS LIKE, NOW HEAR ME OUT, HAVE WE THOUGHT ABOUT
SAYING THE ELECTION WAS STOLEN?
HERE'S HOW CRAZY IT WAS.
THE LONG-TIME PRESIDENT OF THE NEW JERSEY SENATE IS CURRENTLY
LOCKED IN A TOO-CLOSE-TO-CALL RACE WITH A REPUBLICAN TRUCK
DRIVER NAMED EDWARD DURR -- WHO HAS NEVER RUN FOR OFFICE BEFORE
AND, THIS IS TRUE, SPENT LESS THAN TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS ON HIS
CAMPAIGN.
I'M SORRY, AN UNKNOWN NEW JERSEY TRUCK DRIVER IS RUNNING FOR
LOCAL OFFICE, AND YOU'RE TELLING ME THIS ISN'T A BRUCE
SPRINGSTEEN SONG?
BUT THIS IS WHERE THINGS ARE HEADED.
IN TWENTY YEARS, THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE IS GOING TO BE
A DEMOCRATIC RHODES SCHOLAR RUNNING AGAINST A REPUBLICAN
TWENTY-FOUR PACK OF COORS LIGHT, AND THE COORS LIGHT IS GOING TO
WIN.
EXPERTS ARE SAYING THE POOR SHOWING FROM DEMOCRATS COULD
SPELL TROUBLE FOR PRESIDENT BIDEN'S AGENDA -- NOT JUST IN
THE MIDTERMS NEXT YEAR, BUT WITH THE MASSIVE SPENDING BILLS
CURRENTLY ON CAPITOL HILL.
UGH, JUST WHEN THINGS WERE GOING SO WELL TO PUT IT IN
PERSPECTIVE, THE 2022 MIDTERMS ARE LOOKING WORSE FOR DEMOCRATS
THAN THE 1994 ALGEBRA MIDTERMS LOOKED FOR A YOUNG JAMES CORDEN.
EXPERTS ARE SAYING LAST NIGHT'S IN OTHER NEWS, MICROSOFT TEAMS
HAS OFFICIALLY ENTERED THE RACE TO DEVELOP THE METAVERSE --
ANNOUNCING 3-D AVATARS FOR VIRTUAL MEETINGS, WITHOUT THE
NEED FOR V.R. HEADSETS.
SO IF YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE TURNING YOUR WEBCAM ON, YOU CAN
ATTEND THE MEETING AS AN ANIMATED VERSION OF YOURSELF.
HERE'S WHAT IT COULD LOOK LIKE WITH REAL PEOPLE MIXED IN WITH
AVATARS, I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS.
FIRSTLY, WHY IS LIN MANUEL MIRANDA DOING ADS FOR MICROSOFT
TEAMS?
BUT SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS THE POINT?
YOUR SALES TEAM IS SOMEHOW GOING TO BE MORE EFFICIENT BECAUSE
JEFF NOW JOINS THE ZOOM LOOKING LIKE A PIXAR CHARACTER?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANY OF THIS MEANS.
THIS STORY MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I JUST HAD A STROKE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT MICROSOFT TEAMS IS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT A METAVERSE IS.
AND I ONLY KIND OF KNOW WHAT AN AVATAR IS BECAUSE I WATCHED
TWENTY MINUTES OF THE MOVIE ON A PLANE BEFORE FALLING ASLEEP.
I AM SO OUT OF MY DEPTH.
I'M IN THE QUICK SAND WITHIN THEY WANT TO MAKE YOUR LIFE A
CARTOON VERSION OF IT STEPH.
>> James: BUT WHY, WHY.
>> BECAUSE THEN THEY CAN SELL MORE STUFF, THEY CAN SELL YOU A
VIRTUAL TIE AND A VIRTUAL CUFFLINK, IT'S MONEY, BABY.
>> James: IS THAT WHAT IT IS?
>> YEAH, WELL, FOR-- IF WE DO REPLICATE THIS REALITY BUT WITH
A HEIGHTENED CRAZINESS TO IT THEN WE CAN SELL A LOT OF
PRODUCT.
>> James: THAT IS WHAT IT IS.
THAT IS THE METAVERSE.
>> ALL THE HACKER FRIENDS OF MINE ARE JUST LIKE-- .
>> James: HOW MANY HACKER FRIENDS HAVE YOU GOT?
>> HOW MANY DO YOU NEED?
>> James: I'M HOPING NOT ANY, I'M HOPING I DON'T-- I JUST
CAN'T SEE A WORLD WHERE I AM LIKE OH, I NEED TO HEADACHE A
MAIN FRAME.
I DON'T-- DID YOU SEE THIS UNDERSTAND, NIKE HAS JUST FILED
A TRADEMARK TO SELL DIGITAL SNEAKERS.
THE COMPANY HOPES TO SELL DIGITAL VERSIONS OF ITS
SNEAKERS, CLOTHING, AND OTHER NIKE PRODUCTS IN VIRTUAL WORLDS.
>> THERE YOU GO.
>> James: I CAN'T IMAGINE ANYONE WHO GOT LIKE ROASTED AT
SCHOOL FOR THEIR SNEAKERS BEING LIKE I WOULD LOVE TO EXPERIENCE
THIS ON THE CLOUD.
YOU'RE INTO SNEAKERS, WOULD YOU BUY DIGITAL SNEAKERS?
>> NO, NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT.
>> THANK YOU.
>> NOT IF I HAD A BILLION DWHRORS AND THEY COST 45 CENTS.
I WOULD NEVER DO THIS.
I WOULD NEVER, I WOULD RATHER BE SHOELESS IN WHATEVER THIS GRIM
FUTURE IS.
WITHIN THANK YOU.
>> James: NO MATTER WHAT -- IF YOU'RE SITTING ON YOUR COMPUTER,
BUYING DIGITAL NIKES FOR YOUR AVATAR, JUST SO YOU CAN WEAR
THEM IN THE METAVERSE, I THINK WE CAN STOP CALLING THEM
ATHLETIC SHOES.
HANG ONK HERE WE GO WITHIN AT LEAST IT KEEPS ALL THE-- IN ONE
PLACE, SO WE CAN GO OUT, IT IT MIGHT DEPOP LATE ALL THE LOVELY
PLACES THAT YOU AND I WANT TO GO TO.
>> James: RIGHT, THAT, YES, I LOVE THAT.
>> RIGHT.
>> James: YOU ARE A REAL GLASS HALF FULL ON THIS LOUIS, I LIKE
IT IT.
>> [BLEEP] PLUG IN, YOU GO DO T DO WHAT YOU WANT.
>> James: AND I THINK D-- D-- DI-- IT IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL
PHRASE WHO WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO CALL SOMEBODY A DICK HEAD?
>> CARL MARKS.
>> James: WAS IT CARL MARX?
>> AND DID EVERYBODY SEE THIS.
DESIGNED TO HOLD ITS GALAXY ZEE FLIP 3 SMARTPHONE.
HERE THEY ARE HERE, CONGRATULATIONS, SAMSUNG, YOU
IN VENTED CARGO PANTS.
CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING LIKE, DO THESE SAMSUNGS MAKE MY BUTT LOOK
BIG?
IF YOU THINK THESE JEANS ARE SILLY, IT GETS WORSE.
THIS IS TRUE, THE JEANS COST MORE THAN A THOUSAND DOLLARS.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT -- FOR A THOUSAND DOLLARS, THOSE SAMSUNG
GALAXY JEANS, BETTER COME WITH AN IPHONE.
AND FINALLY, WE WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS.
SCRATCH THAT, I WANTED TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS, THE BRITISH
ROYAL MARINES AND THE UNITED STATES MARINE CORP RECENTLY
COMPLETED A FIVE-DAY MOCK BATTLE HERE IN CALIFORNIA, FOR TRAINING
PURPOSES.
AND THE BRITISH TROOPS, FORCED THE UNITED STATES INTO A
HUMILIATING SURRENDER JUST DAYS INTO THE EXERCISE.
NOT SO COCKY WITHOUT GEORGE WASHINGTON, ARE YA?
THIS IS TRUE, SEEING NO OPPORTUNITY FOR VICTORY, THE
AMERICANS ASKED FOR THE EXERCISE TO BE RESET HALFWAY THROUGH.
YOU KNOW, JUST LIKE IN A REAL WAR.
BUT THE BRITISH ABSOLUTELY DOMINATED.
THEY SURROUNDED THE AMERICANS, MADE THEM LAY DOWN THEIR
WEAPONS, AND ADMIT ONCE AND FOR ALL, WE HAD THE BETTER VERSION
OF THE OFFICE.
AND THAT'S THE NEWS ING WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK,