Team Ronaldo vs Team Messi Penalty shoot-out!
The losing team has to do an epic forfeit!
- Which is? - Testing the new COVID vaccine...
- Oh s**t... - GAME ON!
- THE FRONTMEN! - SEASON 2!
- Good evening Arsene. - Wagwan, Jose.
Are you excited about this penalty shoot-out?
Oh yes. I haven’t been this excited since Troopz left AFTV. The ham roll.
Let’s see who wins the toss...
- Cristiano, heads or tails? - HEADS! I never lose!
- Tails. - S**t!
- Lionel? - We’ll go first...
Team Messi win the toss..
And here comes their first penalty taker, Lionel Messi...
Did you know, I nearly signed Lionel Messi for Arsenal...
- Lies lies lies. - I DID! NEARLY!! And Zlatan too!
The only thing that spouts more bullshit than you is Donald Trump’s twitter account...
Buffon in goal?
Jesus Christ, you may as well have picked Captain Tom Moore.
We’d still lose but at least we’d raise some money for the NHS...
Don’t question my methods...
- YES! - 1-0
Can we question them now?
- Does that answer your question? Off you go Mohamed… - Sure thing, cap...
First up for Team Ronaldo is Mohamed Salah. What a penalty taker.
Did you know, I didn’t nearly sign Mohamed Salah for Chelsea?
I ACTUALLY signed him. Because unlike you, I’m not a specialist in failure!
- Dick. - Haha! Although sadly, Mohamed was…
Hahahhaha!
Urgh pathetic, Salah is just playing up for the cameras here...
- That’s rich… - No, that’s Mohamed… Haha!
I summon the penalty-taking strength of James Milner!
YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND! DO IT!
- He scores! - 1-1!
- Sii! - Get in there! - Yes!
Oh s**t, let’s hope Manuel Neuer doesn’t go all Spain on us…
Okay Mo, let’s go before you get injured or breathed on!
Let’s hope it doesn’t go to sudden death...
The penalty shoot-out or the helicopter?
Right, which one of you MBE bum boys wants to go next?
- Can we go together? - No you can’t
- I’ll go… - What a role model this young boy is…
Did you know, a lot of Man Utd fans say you have a good eye for the youngsters...
What’s THAT supposed to mean?
- YES! - 2-1!
- S**t! - Oh come on! Buffon didn’t dive again!
Well then maybe you should ask him for some lessons!
It’s Neymar next..
And ridiculous dives like that is precisely why I turned him down at Arsenal…
At least that dive was quicker than his penalty run up...
- HURRY UP! - SHUT UP!
- You’re going to miss anyway! - SHUT UP!
I swear to God, if he doesn’t hurry up, I’m going to bite his cock off…
HURRY UP!
- Saved! - No goal!
- OH S**T - WHAT?!
All that for nothing? You are fired from The Frontmen!
Ah, the amount of times I wanted to do that to Paul Pogba…
- Here comes Robert Lewandowski… - Did you know I almost signed him for Blackburn?
Don’t you start...
- It’s in! - 3-1!
Yes!
- Oh s**t. Who’s next? - It’s… JAMIE VARDY!
I don’t mean to panic you, Jamie, but if you miss, I’ll definitely have you castrated.
Don’t worry gaffer - I WON’T MISS!!!
Can of energy drink... tick!
- Let’s go! - Cup of coffee... tick!
Let’s go! Holy s**t! COCAINE?!
Ah, no, sherbert dip, tick! never fails! LET’S GO!
And here comes Jamie Vardy! He looks full of energy!
Vodka skittles... tick!
- It’s in! - YES! - 3-2
- That’s cheating! - No Lionel, it’s just the dark arts...
Did you know, I nearly signed Jamie Vardy for Arsena...
- But I turned you down coz Arsenal are shit! - Haha!
- Here comes Luis Suarez… - Do you know… where I am?
Hey Zlatan, I bet you can’t blow that whistle with your nose…
- Zlatan bets he can… - HAHA! 4-2 incoming!
- HANDBALL! HANDBALL! - He’s a goalkeeper, you moron.
It’s the dark arts Lionel! HE USED THE DARK ARTS!
- You’re next, hair-do - I must break them
Team Ronaldo can draw level here...
- Oh, sorry Erling! - dick
- What did you make of that, Arsene? - I didn’t see it…
That figures...
- Yes! - What a penalty! - 3 - 3!
Oh, sorry Luis!
It’s Harry Kane next - who owes his whole career to his current manager at Tottenham Hotspur...
Harry Kane, MBE, steps up on the all important 5th penalty…
5 grand says he bottles it
I see your 5 grand, and raise it to 50
- YES! - Kane scores! - 4-3!
See Arsene, it’s all about motivating the players. I told them they have to be c---s.
- £50k please - Bollocks!
- How about I give you my premier league winners medal instead? - Deal!
- See. Intelligent c---s. Just like me. - I’m not sure about the “intelligent” bit.
The inteligent bit is why I stole Harry’s £100k Land Rover and told him he’d only get it back if he scores in every game for the rest of the season! Starting now!
So it all comes down to penalty 5… Ronaldo MUST score or his team loses
- Do a Ramos! - Read a book! - Read a book?
- Come on, my idol… - Want some sherbert?
I don’t lose. I don’t… lose!
- You’ve lost - What?!
- YES!!!!! - He’s gone full Ramos!
- JAAAA! - 4-3! - IT NEEDS TO BE RETAKEN!
- What? - Neuer moved off his line early!
- No he didn’t. - YES HE DID! CHECK VAR! CHECK VAR!
- VAR! VAR! - See, he’s clearly off his line! It needs to be RETAKEN!
- Come on, that’s a drawing - It’s an artist’s impression!
- It’s a piss-artist’s impression. Go away. Enjoy your COVID vaccine. - Oh sh*t...
- These are some serious side effects - Ronaldo’s face is f***
- What? I didn’t have the vaccine! - What? - Why?
- I didn’t have the vaccine because I didn’t lose the penalty shootout - Yes you did!
- You clearly lost! - No I didn’t, and I have undeniable proof...
See, irrefutable proof!
- It has a twitter warning - even they know you lost - Come on guys, let’s go…
- Adios - Urgh, they’re such bad losers!
- Would anyone like to try on my MBE? - Thank god I avoided that COVID vaccine.