IS
IS HOW
IS HOW WE
IS HOW WE SAY IT FOR DESPERATE THAT IT IS REALLY TRUE, THE
WORDS WE CHOOSE CAN AFFECT HOW
PEOPLE RESPOND WITH.
HERE TO TEACH US MORE ON HOW TO
COMMUNICATE BETTER IS MARK
ORTMAN.
ORTMAN.
ORTMAN. THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.
YOU ARE GONNA TALK TO US
BECAUSE YOU ARE A CONSULTANT
AND YOU HAVE 12 WORDS THAT WE
SHOULD NOT BE SAYING?
OR THAT PUSH PEOPLE'S BUTTONS?
>> ORIGINALLY, I LISTENED TO
24,000 STORIES OVER 12 YEARS.
THESE ARE CLASS MEMBERS WHO
SAID WHAT WORKS AND DOESN'T
WORK.
WORK.
WORK. SO
WORK. SO I FOUND PARALLELS BETWEEN
WORDS AND THEN EXPANDED UPON
THAT AS A MEDIATOR.
>> IS A MEDIATOR, YOUR JOB IS
TO GET PEOPLE TO COMMUNICATE?
>> MY ROLE AS A MEDIATOR IS TO
FACILITATE A CONVERSATION
BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE TO CONNECT.
>> THESE 12 WORDS THAT ARE
STOPPING PEOPLE FROM
COMMUNICATING?
COMMUNICATING? >> IN PART, IF WE LOOK BACK AT
INDUSTRIAL ERAS, COMMUNICATION
WENT FROM THE TOP DOWN THAT IS
CALLED COMMAND-AND-CONTROL.
CALLED COMMAND-AND-CONTROL. WITH THE INFORMATION ERA,
INFORMATION IS ABUNDANT
EVERYWHERE.
EVERYWHERE. SO AS A RESULT, OUR
COMMUNICATION HAS TO CHANGE HER
DEBT FOR EXAMPLE, CAN YOU
IMAGINE SOMEONE WHO SPOKE TO
YOU LIKE THEY DID IN ROMAN OR
AS A SHAKESPEAREAN. THAT IS OUT
OF PLACE.
OF PLACE.
OF PLACE. SO IN COMMAND-AND-CONTROL, IT
IS BEING REPLACED WITH A MORE
COLLABORATIVE APPROACH.
COLLABORATIVE APPROACH. >> YOU SAID IN THE 70s THERE
WAS A BIG SHIFT.
>> NORDSTROM'S, SOMEONE AT
NORDSTROM'S HAD THE WISDOM TO
SURVEY THE CUSTOMER BASE. SO
INSTEAD OF THINKING TOP DOWN,
AND I HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS,
LET'S GO OUT TO THE CUSTOMERS
AND FIND OUT WHAT IT IS THEY
WANT.
WANT.
WANT. SO
WANT. SO ONE OF THEIR POLICIES THAT
THEY ENACTED WAS WHENEVER THEY
RETURNED A PRODUCT, IT COULD BE
ANY TIME AFTER THE PURCHASE.
THAT WAS ONE OF THE FIRST MAJOR
COMPANIES THAT DID IT.
NOW OF COURSE, EVERYONE IS
DOING IT.
DOING IT.
DOING IT. SO THEY SAW THE WISDOM, IT IS
NOT JUST ABOUT FROM THE TOP
DOWN, THE NEW ASSUMPTION IS
THAT EVERYONE HAS INFORMATION
TO MAKE DECISIONS.
SO THE QUESTION IS, HOW DO WE
GO ABOUT THAT.
HOLLYWOOD EVEN UNDERSTOOD THAT.
>> SO THE INFORMATION DESK SO
YOU TAKE THE SAME INFORMATION
AND COME UP WITH A 12 WORDS? IS
THAT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?
>> YOU WANT TO AVOID USING THE
OLD COMMAND-AND-CONTROL
OLD COMMAND-AND-CONTROL APPROACH.
APPROACH.
APPROACH. SO WHAT THAT DOES IS TEND TO
MAKE PEOPLE DEFENSIVE. SO IN
COMMUNICATION TERMS IT IS
CALLED SYNTAX, THE ARRANGEMENT
OF WORDS PER DEBT --. SO IT IS
MORE COLLABORATIVE THAN DO WHAT
I SAY.
I SAY.
I SAY. >>
I SAY. >> I CAN LEARN THESE TOOLS,
ACCORDING TO MY HUSBAND.
SO I WAS GOING OVER THESE 12
WORDS AND THESE ARE SOME OF THE
WORDS. HE HATES IT WHEN I SAY
NEVER.
NEVER.
NEVER. SO
NEVER. SO I ALWAYS SAY YOU NEVER DO
THE DISHES BUT HE ALWAYS SAYS
YES I DO.
YES I DO.
YES I DO. >>'S OF THE WORD AT THE TOP IS
YOU.
YOU.
YOU. SO
YOU. SO WE PREFACE A STATEMENT WITH
YOU, WHEN WE ASKED SOMEONE TO
DO SOMETHING.
DO SOMETHING. USUALLY IT IS FOLLOWED WITH YOU
ALWAYS OR YOU DON'T OR YOU
NEVER.
NEVER.
NEVER. IT
NEVER. IT IMPLIES A JUDGMENT OR TO SO
AS OPPOSED TO ASKING WHAT WE
WANT.
WANT.
WANT. >>
WANT. >> WHEN I SAY THOSE THINGS, YOU
CAN'T, YOU SHOULDN'T, IT IS
ALWAYS IN PASSION OR WHEN I'M
ANGRY.
ANGRY.
ANGRY. SO
ANGRY. SO HOW DO I FIX THAT?
>> WE TEND TO GO BACK TO THE
OLD APPROACH.
OLD APPROACH. SO SINCE THE CULTURE IS
CHANGING, YOU NEED TO LEARN THE
PRINCIPLES BEHIND THE NEW
APPROACH.
APPROACH.
APPROACH. >> IT IS SO SIMPLE.
BUT IT TAKES A LOT OF PRACTICE
FOR ME.
FOR ME.
FOR ME. I
FOR ME. I COULD HAVE DONE IT BUT THAT'S
ON THE LIST.
WHAT ARE SOME GOOD WORDS TO
SAY?
SAY?
SAY? >>
SAY? >> RESPONDING WITH THESE WORDS
IS FINE, IF YOU HAVE A MEETING
YOU CAN SAY I CAN'T MAKE IT PER
DEBT IT'S WHEN WE REACH OUT TO
ASK SOMEBODY FOR SOMETHING OR
TO DO SOMETHING.
SO WHEN WE WANT ACTION, USING
THOSE WORDS, THEY LIMIT. IT IS
THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THE
INTENTION IS.
INTENTION IS. >> SO MAYBE INSTEAD OF YOU
NEVER DO THE DISHES, IT SHOULD
BE WILL YOU DO THE DISHES?
>> PLEASE DO THE DISHES.
SO NOW I HAVE SPOKEN DESK
SPOKEN MY INTENTION WITHOUT
JUDGING OR CRITICIZING YOU FOR
AN ACTION.
AN ACTION. >> I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD BE ON
THE COUCH RIGHT NOW WITH A
LITTLE BIT OF THERAPY.
THAT'S FANTASTIC.
THAT'S FANTASTIC. I'M SORRY I'M NOT PAYING YOU
FOR THIS.
FOR THIS.
FOR THIS. NO CHARGE, PLEASE.
[ LAUGHTER ] I WOULD SAY THAT I
WOULD NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU
AGAIN BUT ACTUALLY THAT'S NOT
TRUE.
TRUE.
TRUE. SO
TRUE. SO YOU CAN BE AT BELLEVUE
COMMUNITY COLLEGE.
COMMUNITY COLLEGE. >> WE HAVE ADJUSTED THIS
PROGRAM THROUGHOUT THE DECADES.
SO THE NEXT CLASS WILL BE IN
THE MIDDLE OF NEXT MONTH.
THEY WILL WALK AWAY WITH AN
UNDERSTANDING OF HOW TO
PRACTICALLY APPLY THIS IN THEIR
LIVES.
LIVES.
LIVES. THEY WILL BE ARMED.
>> YOU WILL BE ARMED TO GLADDEN
USE THE RIGHT WORDS.
IT IS NOT WHAT WE SAY, IT IS
HOW WE SAY IT. IT'S COMING UP
AT BELLEVUE COLLEGE PURDUE FOR
INFORMATION