So a common comment I receive on this channel is that I don't focus on men's issues enough
So don't say I never gave you anything!
(Singing)That is a joke. It's a joke It's a joke
Let's talk about toxic masculinity!
This will be fun.
I think out of all of the feminist terms toxic masculinity might be one of the most widely misunderstood.
And I'm pretty sure that's just based on the name, but I didn't come up with the name. It wasn't me.
I know weirdly enough. I personally didn't create the concept of toxic masculinity so you heard it here first folks
[Shaggy- It was't me] "It wasn't me"
When people talk about toxic masculinity what they're not saying is that men are
inherently toxic, because they aren't. You--you aren't. You know that. I know that. We all know that.
What toxic masculinity really-
This is toxic masculinity.
What toxic masculinity does describe is a forced adherence to a set of gender roles,
expectations and behaviors.
So if you were a man or a boy or assigned male at birth
then were expected to embody a certain set of characteristics.
These characteristics commonly include strong, assertive, not showing unpleasant emotions other than anger
and definitely no crying,
dominant, like sports, don't be a wimp, boys don't cry.
(Distorted)Boys Don't cry. Boys don't cry.
Cooking, dancing, taking care of your personal appearance, having feelings, nah!
That's for girls.
Good with your hands and able to definitely fix a car, competitive, always needs to be in charge
aggressive the list continues
But you know you get it.
These are all traits that tend to be
associated with men and masculinity and you'll see that some of these traits are good and some of these traits are bad.
Such as the case with being aggressive, always needing to be in charge, and repressing your emotions.
So that's not to say that everything that we consider "masculine" is inherently bad because there are a lot of really positive
characteristics that are associated with masculinity.
However, however the problem
I think comes from gendering these traits and
making them things that you have to be if you are considered a man or a woman.
Because anyone of any gender can like sports or know how to fix a car or be assertive.
I think it's interesting that we nurture these traits--the positive and the negatives--in boys, and we don't nurture them in girls.
But there's a whole other set of traits and characteristics that we nurture and expect from girls and women.
And I've touched on that in so many other videos.
Another problem is that society tends to punish boys who don't live up to these expectations of like traditional masculinity
If boys are perceived as feminine in any way then they're called wimps, and pussies, and told not to be like girls.
I think perhaps the biggest issue with toxic masculinity and what makes it so toxic are the effects of
forcing men and boys to repress their emotions.
Being sad or vulnerable or afraid or, god forbid, crying are totally normal and natural human emotions to experience.
Like those aren't gendered concepts. Everyone feels that way at some point.
The problem arises when you pretend that those emotions
don't exist and you don't allow people to experience them.
I have so many friends of all genders who talk to their therapist about certain emotions that they haven't allowed themselves to fully experience.
And that almost always plays out in a negative way psychologically.
Being able to identify, experience, and manage unpleasant emotions
is a really important skill to have as an adult.
And it'll help you cope with negative life experiences down the line in a healthy way that isn't destructive to yourself or other people.
But when men and boys are receiving constant societal messages from the media, their peers, their teachers, their family, etc.
telling them that they're not allowed to experience those unpleasant emotions
and they can only react with anger and not with sadness or grief or empathy or vunerability.
I think that is the core of toxic masculinity. That's the line between masculinity and toxic masculinity.
I'm gonna preface this by saying that obviously not all men are violent,
Yeah, but when you only give men a handful of ways to express their emotions
Violence is gonna be one of them and in my opinion the reason that we see
Disproportionate rates of violence committed by men is because of toxic masculinity.
We also see this in the disproportionate suicide rates between men and women.
Unfortunately, we don't have a lot of data and non-binary people otherwise I would mention it.
Sorry we need more research.
Men are disproportionately more likely to die by suicide.
Although women do attempt suicide more often men are more likely to be successful at it.
And that's because of the methods that they use to commit suicide.
Men are also less likely to go to the doctor when they have an ailment or an illness,
and they are less likely to seek out mental health services.
And I do think that this can be attributed to the expectations that we place on men to always be strong,
and also just the way that we view disability and mental illness as a weakness.
So that's kind of like the intersection between disability and gender.
Being mentally ill or disabled doesn't make you weak,
But seeking medical treatment for those things makes it so that you'll be better able to cope with them.
But then there are whole other issues of accessibility
God-being intersectional is hard so yeah that got a little muddled
and I'm not sure if I fully explain the concept of toxic masculinity well.
If you have any questions
Please leave them for me in the comments
And I will try my best to respond to them either in the comments or maybe with a follow-up.
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