And that's the thing, ladies.
And that's-- you know, you can get away--
We can't get away with being built wrong
or having the wrong things.
You can because you can go to places
and you can buy push-up bras and booty cheeks and Body Magics
and whatever, just-just buy stuff.
I wish we had something to fool you with.
Like, Victoria's Secret, you know,
they-they... all that stuff is foolish,
from the scents to everything, you know?
They got the lotion that smell good.
You assume that everything else smell good.
(chuckles, mutters gibberish)
Nah.
Like, damn, that's a lot of lotion you had on.
Ain't know you had all that going on there.
(laughs)
Wish we had our own store to get some fool you stuff.
Victor's Secret.
(chuckles) Go to Victor's.
Be hilarious to see a bunch of grown men
with little blue bags in the mall.
"Wait till she see what I got from Victor's."
Have us a dick bra in there, fool you.
We both get naked, you got your bullshit on me, too.
"Ha, ha, fooled you, too.
"It's a 38 double dick.
This ain't mine."
(chuckles): 38 double dick.
I repeated it.
Tired of old black people getting new stuff.
Let me say this.
I hate that, like, you know,
I think they should put an age limit on who buy phones.
I'm serious, like, you don't want nobody--
Somebody over the age of 55 shouldn't be buying no iPhone.
I go to my grandfather house.
He got a grocery list
full of apps he want me to download.
It's stuff that's already on there.
Like, "Look here, I want a calculator,
a calendar... I need a contact box."
"It's on here!"
"I don't see it.
I keep doing this, it ain't doing nothing!"
(chuckles)
'Cause he hasn't took the little thing off with the...
with the display on there.
He think-- all right.
And my uncle, he's 60.
He bought a Bluetooth.
Look, an old black man with a Bluetooth
is the worst thing you can get.
This dude don't understand how the sound transfer
perfectly from his mouth to the Bluetooth,
and he think he got to yell at the Bluetooth.
He think he got to tell the Bluetooth
to do stuff for it to work. And he's loud.
We was in the grocery store. "Oh, it's your auntie.
"Hold on. Bluetooth, answer the phone!
"Hello?
"Bluetooth, yeah, yeah! Answer the phone!
"Shirley?!
"Hold on, other line.
"Click over, Bluetooth. Yeah.
"What up, Frank?
"Conference call, bow bow.
"Double click, everybody, Shirley, Bluetooth.
Go ahead and conference call them, Bluetooth."
It ain't a damn robot.
He think the Bluetooth do everything.
He throw it in the microwave.
"Popcorn, two minutes, Bluetooth, cook it."
This is when I knew he went too far, right?
Somebody was...
It was a bunch of young dudes in front of his house, right?
And they was, they was just...
You know, I'm in Chicago, you know.
Our teenagers is wild, you know what I'm saying?
And they was walking in his grass.
And that's all black men care about.
Old black men don't want you in their grass.
You can do whatever you want anywhere else.
Just don't walk in their grass.
And he don't have a gate around.
He got, like, a shoestring around there
like it's a force field, but it ain't doing nothing.
He like, "Oh, wait a minute.
You see this, Bluetooth?"
He talk to the Bluetooth like it's a buddy.
"Bluetooth, you see this?
These little jive turkeys in my grass."
(chuckles)
They always got to fix their belts.
"Jive turkeys in that grass.
"Bluetooth, back me up.
"Hey, look here, young bloods!
"You see all the shoestring.
"Look here, man,
don't put your feet in my grass no more."
He's like, "Hey, man, we don't give a damn about your old ass.
I'll throw this rock at you."
"Like hell you will. Bluetooth, force field.
Now try it."
(chuckles) Hey, y'all, thank y'all so much.