And do not be fooled and buy into this idea
that your love is enough
to heal this woman, it is not.
It is not because that is not
the responsibility of your love.
(Music)
Hey, what's up everybody?
This is Stephan Labossiere
aka Stephan Speaks
back with another
dating and relationship advice video.
Today is going to be relationship advice
for men, all right.
And we're going to be talking about the fact that
you can't heal her.
Now, before we begin as always
be sure to subscribe to this channel,
like this video, share this video, all right.
And leave your...
the answer to this poll
below in the comment section.
Have you ever met a woman
that you thought you could try to heal?
Or basically have you
encountered a situation where
you know you love this woman,
you cared about her, you knew she was broken,
and you tried to help her.
I want to hear your feedback
because not only
do I want to hear it from you
but I want people
and I want even other women to see
how many men
are going through situations where
they're dealing with this woman
who's clearly holding on to issues.
Clearly has some brokenness in her
and trying to do their best
to help but it's just leading to more problems.
And let's get into that now.
So, you can't heal her
and the reason why I’m bringing this up
is because I see so many situations
where a man meets this woman
falls in love or has serious
genuine interest in this woman.
But again, due to brokenness
that she's holding on to
it is clear she needs healing
and she may be having issues of
insecurity in the relationship
or there may be other things are coming up
to where she's getting triggered.
But one way or another,
there is a struggle in this relationship
because of her lack of healing
or hell, some situations where she's afraid
to embrace being in a relationship with this man
because of her lack of healing.
Now, the unfortunate part is that
men have been told
you need to love that woman
and help her through her brokenness
and be there for her
and you even hear women talk about well,
you know if he loves me
he will help me in my healing.
Wrong, wrong.
You all are setting men
up for disaster and I can say that
because there's going to be tons of men
who will be able to vouch
and say how they have tried this
and failed miserably.
How they have tried to get
that woman to a better place
try to be patient
try to show her all the love he can
only to be damaged
even more in the process.
Only to be left high and dry
only to see that woman
even go back to the toxic relationship
she left before him.
To now appreciate or to at least
not show a level of appreciation
for his efforts and instead,
to reward the bad behavior of another man
because you can't heal her.
Here's the reality,
the more you try to pour
into that woman and heal her
the more she actually can become afraid
to be vulnerable to you
because she is not at a place
where she is ready to open herself up.
And you pouring in all that love
is essentially demanding her.
Demanding her to be vulnerable
and that scares her.
That overwhelms her
and if anything, it causes her to shut down
she needs space she can't think clearly
this is too damn much.
And being with you
requires her to level up
requires her to step up to the plate
and be a better woman
and to do that, she has to face her demons.
She has to face her issues and let me tell you
I’ve had so many women say to me
and I quote, "one of the hardest things
to do as a woman is face myself in the mirror."
For her to have to revisit that pain
revisit that trauma is so difficult.
So, you demanding that she does that
is too much for her.
So, it's easier now
to run to that toxic situation
it's easier to deal with
that lower level man
because over there,
I don't have to face my issues.
I don't have to do the work necessary
because that work hurts too much.
So, you as a man think
your love will cure her
when in actuality
it may run her further away.
And now, you can still love her
but you may have
to love her from a distance
you're going to have to let go.
You're going to have to let her know that listen,
I support you, I want to encourage you,
but this is a path
you have to walk on your own.
And listen, just so you all don't think
I’m being against women in any kind of way,
I would give the same exact advice to women
about trying to heal a man.
You can't heal him and he can't heal you,
but this is about the men
and I’m talking to the men so listen,
when you come across that kind of woman
you have to recognize
that it is not your responsibility
to heal her and you can't even if you try.
She has to do it for herself
but let me shed some light
on a different aspect of this issue.
A lot of times
if you find yourself in a relationship
an ongoing relationship
with a broken woman
and you're trying hard
now to drag her to the,
to the place of healing.
You have to understand that
there's a very good chance
that the only reason she's with you
is because she is broken.
Meaning, if this woman was healed
she wouldn't even be entertaining you.
I’m not trying to insult you,
I’m not trying to make you feel bad,
but I want you to understand that
when we are broken from within
it is easier to deal with an individual
we are not truly in love with
than to have to face
the person we have the strongest feelings for.
So, now, you think you healing her
is going to win her love
when in actuality you healing her
if you could because you can't,
but if you could
would have only opened her eyes to the
reality that she doesn't belong there.
So, you're looking for a payoff
you're never going to get.
So, again, it only shows you,
it only drives the point home even more
that, that woman needs to heal herself.
She needs to find
her own path to healing
you can encourage you can suggest
methods for her to take
and again,
you want to make sure also that
if you're going to encourage or,
or give any guidance of healing
to someone that you've done the work within yourself too.
So, don't be a broken man
trying to push healing onto a broken woman.
No, you need to be healed
yourself as a man.
But understand that you cannot heal her
and let me tell you about
you working on yourself.
If you did heal,
you wouldn't be trying to heal her.
If you did heal,
you would then be
enlightened to the fact that
healing is a personal process.
It is not something that
someone can do for you.
And so, you don't understand that
because you haven't done it for yourself,
but you think your love
will get her to that place,
it will not.
It will get you more damage
it will create more frustration
and it will prolong an
unhealthy relationship
that needs to end right now.
Now, hear me clearly,
it doesn't mean things can't work out later.
It doesn't mean she cannot be
the woman for you, all right.
It doesn't mean she will never
overcome these issues and heal.
It just means that
right now is not the time
and right now you have
to let go in love.
You have to let go and focus on you
and become the man you need to become
and heal yourself
and let her do the same for herself.
Now, I am not saying
that there aren't people
who are already in relationships
who cannot go through the process together.
But going through the process together
is not the same as healing her.
She still has to be willing to do her work
just as you have
to be willing to do your own work.
So, yes, we can encourage each other
and walk that path together but that's,
that's a minority situation
that actually works out
because when two people need healing
and they're trying to do it while in a relationship,
there is a greater chance of conflict
and being triggered and things going left
to where nothing is truly accomplished.
I’m not saying it's never happened,
but it is more likely to not work out.
So, again, you are better off
walking these paths as individuals
and do not be fooled
and buy into this idea
that your love is enough to heal this woman.
It is not, it is not because that is not
the responsibility of your love, all right.
And you got to love yourself
to do the work within you.
You got to love yourself to become
the man you need to be, all right.
And again, pray for her,
encourage her
if she needs some guidance
as far as suggestions on where to go,
cool, all that is cool
but you can't be trying to
force healing onto this woman
and you're not going to be the one to do it.
So, I had to do this video
because I’ve seen so many men
try so hard to accomplish this
only to fall flat on their face.
I don't want that to be you
I don't want you to
accumulate more damage
trying to accomplish something
that you cannot accomplish
and again, had you healed yourself
then you would realize
you couldn't do it in the first place.
So, I really pray and hope
this was helpful to you.
But again, I want you guys to share
some of your experiences below
tell me how... If you've encountered this,
tell me what you went through
and hell, if someone did and it worked,
share with us.
But understand that
for the majority of you no,
really I’ll be shocked if anyone said
they were able to heal someone, you just can't.
They got to do it for them, they got to want it for them,
you got to want it for you,
and then you guys can come together
and have a healthy, loving,
amazing relationship.
So, I pray this video was helpful to you
again, share this video,
subscribe to this channel, like this video,
and I look forward to seeing you in the next one.