[CHILDREN ARGUING]
[CHILDREN SCREAMING]
So we still have a date night on Thursday?
Some mentally hot lasagne at the The Roebuck.
Yeah, great.
Sure.
Sure, yes.
You say sure, but you don't sound very sure.
You don't think we're making progress in these sessions?
No.
I mean, yes, we are, but I try, you know.
I have a problem, and we've talked about strategies
to deal with it.
But sometimes parents get angry with their kids.
Do you know what I mean?
Like all parents, maybe not as much as me, but they do.
That is just a fact.
You put strategies in inverted commas.
I did, yes.
I find most of this stuff belongs in inverted commas,
to be honest.
[CHILDREN SCREAMING]
That's just--
[SCREAMING INTENSIFIES]
Jesus fucking Christ.
How many times do I have to tell you to be quiet?
Hey, can you turn it down, please?
Sorry.
Is that OK?
Yeah, thank you.
I'm working, so--
What birthday is this?
Don't you know?
Yes.
Seven, I think.
Eight.
Ah.
Your big one coming up, eh?
No, no, Dad.
On me?
Ah, your eighth birthday.
That was a good one.
Well, it is stressful and horrible,
but in retrospect, it was good.
I looked really happy.
Big one I'm coming up right?
Yeah, I just said that.
I remember my 13th birthday.
I got a really nice camera, SLR, and tickets
to see Echo and the Bunnymen at Brixton Academy.
What?
Oh my god.
I was at gig.
Shit, no.
Were you?
No, of course I wasn't, you plum,
cause I would have been six.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Such a twat.
I hate all of you.
Don't disturb me again.
--should always remember your 13th birthday.
I snogged Terry Russell.
Sheesh.
Sounds memorable.
We need a memorable present, too.
Yeah, well I was thinking, what about a camera,
like I got.
No one his age has a camera.
They just use their phones.
No, I know, but you get much better photographs with
a proper camera, don't you.
Or what about a guitar?
He had those few lessons.
He didn't get on with it at all though.
No, but that's because it was classical guitar
and the bloke was making them only like a fucking lute.
I'm talking a Strat and an amp.
Yeah, OK, maybe.
He's about to become a teenager.
That is one of the most teenage-y things,
or was, maybe still is.
He'd really like a new phone.
I know, but fucking hell.
I know.
You don't remember a new phone, do you?
It's just the latest in a long line of forgettable phones.
If Luke gets a new phone, can I have his old one?
OK, A, how did you get there?
And B, I hope you weren't earwigging
on those other present ideas.
No, I only heard the phone, honest.
- And three-- - C.
What?
C, not three.
C, no.
No phones until big school, A, but we
agreed, you're too young.
A, didn't we agree?
Yeah, we did.
Yeah, and don't say that everyone else
has one cause they haven't.
Lily hasn't.
She does now.
Aww, Lily's parents caved?
Fucking cowards.
No, I'm sorry, love.
You can spend the rest of your life on your phone
when you get to big school.
It would mean you'd always know where I am.
It would give you piece of mind.
Believe me, I want to have peace of mind
until some geezer in a black dress
is given me the last rites.
Sorry, Ava, there is no room for negotiation on this one,
all right?
OK.
[MUSIC PLAYING]