Translator: Denise RQ Reviewer: Lena Clemente
Good afternoon, everybody.
Today, I'm going to break your hidden addiction.
For far too long, we have recognized successful people as busy people
as if to be busy is to be important.
Why have we become so busy?
There can be many reasons,
but essentially, it comes down to a desire to feel good enough,
to be recognized, the ego's thirst for rush of adrenaline,
and the thrill of being in demand giving a mask of importance.
This has led to generations addicted to busyness,
having to do with all spinning plates, rushing around,
being pulled from pillar to post.
I bet before you even get out of the bed in the morning,
you have a popcorn head exploding with the different ideas
of things you think you need to do that day.
Make the lunches, take Charlie to school, walk the dog, submit that report,
pick up the dry cleaning, join the team webinar,
the list goes on.
And then I hear say,
"I probably can stop my work around 4 or 5 o'clock,
and then when I get home,
and I'll have another 100 emails to sift through.
Oh, and someone else in between
needs to check out all social media accounts.
And to kick start your busy day you reach for the coffee.
But have you ever thought
about the real cost of that success, that busyness?
What are you sacrificing?
In the long term,
the chaos leads to a mental fog
which causes you to lose focus and direction,
and productivity slows.
Risks to your mental and physical health increase,
and connection with your sense of yourself,
family, friends, and community diminishes.
I believe that losing this connection is a great concern.
Because from the moment you're born,
you've been following an instinct
essential to the survival of the human race: connection to others.
Did you know that a newborn baby can see around 18 centimeters,
just enough to make eye contact when being cradled,
starting the process of bonding and social learning?
Research shows us that babies prefer the images of human faces
to that any other pattern or shape?
And even better, faces are smiling.
In the first seven or eight years of life,
children form their beliefs about the world,
who they are, and how to behave
as they mimic the actions of those around them.
Only when children feel a sense of belonging and pride
in their families, friends, and communities,
are they able to become emotional strong;
strong enough to deal
with the difficulties and challenges that may lie ahead.
But technology is having a massive impact
on our early socialization and communication skills.
As we stare not into our baby's eyes
but into that of our screens,
it's possible to reach and be reached twenty-four seven.
We can connect with people right across the globe.
We are more connected today than ever,
and yet, increasingly disconnected from what is really important.
Of course, technology has its undeniable benefits,
but it's also feeding and exacerbating our addiction to busyness.
We have phones ringing, notifications flashing,
emails stacking, and text pinging,
and even if we switch our devices to silent,
the stream of information continues,
and we've developed this Pavlovian response
to constantly check our devices forever on high alert.
We are addicted.
When was the last time you felt
as though you had somebody's undivided attention?
When did you last go to a restaurant,
sit at your dining table, or even your sofa
without your mobile phone?
Perhaps your default way of communicating has become texts and emojis;
so many everyday activities are now lacking all human connection.
The last time you are into a shop, did you even stop to make eye contact,
smile, or converse with the cashier at the till?
Or did you just flash your plastic and go?
What example are you setting
if the pendulum continues to swing in this direction?
What will the next generation look like?
Take a moment to think about that.
Where will children be able to learn
how to open up conversations and gain human interaction?
Even now, so many people appear to be
constantly attached to their devices,
and we see a generation of kids
being pacified and parented by their screens.
Our children are losing the basic skills of how to connect with others,
even how to connect with their parents.
Chillingly, recent studies show us
that people if lose the ability to connect,
and instead, become socially and emotionally disconnected,
their isolation and loneliness can turn to mental health problems,
low self-esteem, a suppressed immune system,
and even a tendency towards addictions.
Is that empty world the one that you want to create?
But it is so easy to get caught up into this busy, busy mindset, isn't it?
Too busy to even notice these consequences,
and it wasn't until I sat at the bottom of my stairs
with an ice cream being placed on my head,
that I, too, realize I had fallen into this trap.
I can remember that moment very clearly.
Moments earlier,
I was reaching for my coffee to help me wake up,
exhausted after another busy day,
trying to be super mom.
But I never did get that coffee.
Instead, I got a massive wake up call.
You see, I didn't walk down those stairs.
Instead, I flew down them,
head first, and put my head through the wall at the bottom.
Fortunately, my then 5-year-old son didn't see my flight,
but he did hear the clutter.
I sat there, startled and crumpled, having to take deep slow breaths
to direct the thoughts away from my pain.
"Sam, I think we've better phone Auntie Hazel."
Seeing my clear look of distress, he fetched my phone;
I phoned my sister,
and unprompted off, he went to freezer, returning with an ice pack for my wrist.
"Mommy, why you're such a big hole in the wall?"
"Oh, I think that's where my head landed."
And off he went again;
this time, returning with a tub of ice cream,
for the egg shape lump starting to appear on top of my head.
I remember thinking,
"Really? Really? What am I suppose to learn now?"
I had only just moved house after being divorced.
We had had family members critically ill in hospital for 18 months.
A week before I'd move, I got made redundant,
and my son was now in his second school following our move
because he'd got bullied at the first.
But yes, really?
You see, I believed that everything happens for a reason,
and I thought, "Well, you better learn this one fast, girl
because you nearly killed yourself and where would fun be then?"
Almost instantly, the lesson that I saw was that I needed to slow down,
drop my Superman cape,
and ditch the noise in my head telling me how to be busy, busy, busy.
So what if the [item] won't get done that day?
But I was also a little bit annoyed at myself, to be honest,
because I thought I had learnt this lesson a few years earlier.
But no.
Whilst I was an absolutely fantastic organizer,
I had, yet again, forgotten to prioritize myself.
It turns out, I had nine months to sit and think about it,
sat on my sofa whilst my broken wrist repaired.
I started to be able to regain movement
in my neck, my hips, and my spine.
But those months of [burns] were also an opportunity;
an opportunity for me to see
what I previously, unknowingly sacrificed.
I saw what a difference it made to my son for me to be around more.
He grew so much
in confidence, security, and happiness.
I decided enough is enough.
I am no longer going to sacrifice his connection and myself,
and I'm certainly no longer
going to sacrifice connection I now have with my son.
I was going to do things differently.
I gave birth to a whole new perspective:
I made notes, and notes, and notes of what I wanted my life to look like,
I was going to learn to say no,
learn to ask and accept help,
learn to slow down and smell the roses.
I had another nine months to reach my full recovery,
and in this time, I decided to set up my own business,
working academic hours 90% of the time.
This meant that I could continue to recover without burning out,
but I would also be there for my son when he came home from school,
to help with homework, to have friends around, play together,
cook, and even do scooter races, but he never let me win.
I would learn that at bedtimes I decided
I would no longer be in popcorn head mode,
no longer have half of my head in my phone.
I chose to rediscover my own identity;
to value myself, my time.
I wanted to create a legacy not only for my son
but to show others that is another way
you can have success without sacrifice.
And over the last five years, I've brought my vision to life.
To be successful is not about being busy
but focusing on what is really important.
So together, we can either create
a legacy of busyness, disconnection, and addiction
or we can do things differently:
we can create a new landscape,
a legacy where we each stop and take notice,
where we take time to connect to ourselves and one another.
We each have 24 hours a day.
How will you invest yours?
Each of us has a choice.
Don't wait to fall down the stairs to learn.
Make a change today because life really is too short.
From today, what will you do differently?
What will you do to have success without sacrifice?
Thank you.
(Applause)