Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Lauren Hashian recently announced they’re expecting their
second child… outside of marriage.
Although this cohabiting couple presents an unusually glamorous and attractive model of
unmarried family life, theirs is not an example that should be imitated.
That’s because even though cohabitation is increasingly popular among adults, it usually
doesn’t work out well for the kids.
Cohabitation has become a normal and accepted practice in the United States over the last fifty years.
While cohabitation was frowned upon in the age of Leave It to Beaver, the practice has
increased almost 2000 percent since 1960.
Cohabitation is attractive to many adults today because it offers more freedom, more flexibility,
and less commitment than marriage.
And it’s not without its own benefits.
Two Ohio State University researchers report that young adults – especially women – seem
to get as much of an emotional boost from living together as they do from marriage.
But while the practice has gained acceptance among adults, it isn’t good for the growing
number of children who are spending time in a cohabiting family.
That’s because for kids, their parents’ commitment to one another is paramount.
A warm, stable home life is necessary for kids to flourish, and parental commitment
is a crucial part of maintaining such an environment.
My own research indicates that children born to cohabiting parents are about twice as likely
to see their parents break up, compared to children born to married parents.
Even in countries like Norway and France, children are about 90% more likely to see
Mom and Dad break up by the time they turn 12, if their parents are cohabiting vs married at birth.
The risks are especially high when children face a revolving cast of caretakers and unrelated
adults in the home particularly when those unrelated adults are men.
Let’s compare the outcomes of two hypothetical, yet representative, children:
Sarah, a child living with her mom and a cohabiting boyfriend who is not her Dad.
And Amanda, whose parents are married.
In grade school and middle school, Sarah will be more than four times more likely to experience
serious emotional problems than Amanda.
Sarah is also twice as likely to get expelled, suspended, or struggle in school.
By high school, it’s twice as likely that Sarah will have tried marijuana.
But the biggest danger to Sarah is that she will face a much higher risk of physical,
sexual, or emotional abuse.
What can be done to improve outcomes for kids?
Well, for starters, policymakers could change regulations that penalize marriage, especially
for couples who are currently cohabiting.
Today, more than four in ten families in America receive some kind of means-tested government
assistance, from Medicaid to food stamps.
The expanding reach of the welfare state means that a substantial share of lower-middle-class
couples with children receive such aid—and many of these couples receive more generous
support if they are unmarried and don’t report their joint income.
Federal and state governments should allow such couples to marry without losing their benefits
But the answer isn’t entirely about public policy.
We also need to change the culture.
Cultural icons like the Rock are outliers among successful Americans; most people who
‘make it’ don’t do so as actors, but in much less glamorous jobs.
Even today, the vast majority of college-educated couples having kids, do so in marriage and they stay married.
They know that stable marriage is the best thing for their kids, and they act accordingly.
But this marriage mentality has lost ground among poor and working-class Americans, who
don’t seem to appreciate as much how important marriage is for their kids, and who are more likely
to have children outside of marriage—in a cohabiting union.
It’s high time for our schools, media outlets, and, yes, even Hollywood superstars to let
their fellow Americans in on a little secret: It’s best to get hitched before having children.
So, here’s to hoping the Rock and Lauren Hashian will tie the knot before baby number two arrives.
What do you think of cohabitation and kids?
Let us know in the comments below.
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