In this video, we're going to be covering five secret thoughts your ex has about you
after your breakup. But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life. We help you get the great
loving relationship that you're looking for without having to play mind games, without having
to play hard to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something that you are not,
because you, of course, deserve to be loved for the unique, amazing, and wonderful person
that you are. If you agree with me and you want to help a guy out with his YouTube channel,
hit that thumbs up button and subscribe to the channel as well, too. Feel free to leave
a comment down below, all that good stuff. We're also going to be talking here about
navigating through your ex's emotional world. If that is something that you do want help with,
we do have our course, The Ex Solution Program. This really deals with emotional connection and
understanding your ex's emotional world in order to get back together. We also have our
other course, Effortless Connection, and sometimes people are like, "Which one do
I do? ESP or Effortless Connection?" Effortless Connection is more about communication. This one,
ESP, is more about emotional connection. Sometimes these two can be interwoven, but
if you really just need to know, "Hey, where am I? What's going on? Where's the path to get from
us being broken up to being in a relationship with one another?" check out ESP, okay? If you
just need help figuring out how to communicate effectively, Effortless Connection is the one for
you. But anyway, ESP is down below. Effortless Connection is also down below. If one of those
seems like it's a good fit for you, you're more than welcome to sign up. If not, no worries.
Let's go ahead and get in on this video. After a breakup, it can really leave you reeling
emotionally. I still remember how I felt during several breakups in the past. I have been keeping
a journal, actually, since I was 16 years old, so I can actually go back and review in excruciating
detail how I felt during some of those periods of time. It's really weird, just rereading
some of that stuff. Sometimes you even start to vicariously re-experience some of these emotions,
like that sort of knotted feeling in your stomach where it's like, "Oh my goodness, what's
happening? How could all of this just be sort of ripped away from me so suddenly?" But what you may
not realize is that your ex is also going through their own emotional experience as well, too.
The first thing that your ex might be thinking or feeling after the two of you break up is actually
regret that things ended between the two of you. Up until that point of breaking up, your ex
was probably trying to work things out with you in some capacity. They probably may have been trying
to connect with you in some way, or create more honesty, or be transparent with you in some way,
and maybe that just wasn't being heard by you, or maybe you knew there were
some problems but you didn't know it was that bad, or whatever the case might be.
But even going up to that point of breaking up with you, there's a part of your ex that's saying,
"Is this really the right thing to do? Maybe we can make it work. Maybe it's not as bad
as I think it is," all these sorts of things. Then the two of you actually have the breakup
conversation, and then moving forward from that, there's this part of your ex that's wondering,
"Did I do the right thing? Was it really that bad? Was it really worth doing all of this? Was it
really worth this whole drama of a breakup and all of this stuff?" There's a part of them that really
regrets it and is still weighing in their mind, was the bad really outweighing the good? And maybe
it was. Maybe it wasn't. I don't know. But there's still a part of them that's wondering where they
are and if they really did make the right choice. The second thought your ex might have after a
breakup is that they actually feel guilty for hurting you. Again, you probably feel
the punched-in-the-gut sensation, the feeling that you're on one of those rollercoasters and
it just dropped suddenly and then you have that sinking feeling as well, too. What you may not
know is that your ex is also going through their own emotional journey as well, too. And they do,
they feel guilty about hurting you. Oftentimes, breakups involve two people sitting down and
having this somber conversation and it often involves, many times, both of the people crying,
both of the people wishing that things could have been different, or whatever the case might be.
As your ex is sitting there saying these things to you like, "Oh, we should break up, we shouldn't
be together," and they're seeing the impact that it's having on you and they're potentially seeing
you crying, maybe they're crying themselves, part of them is feeling guilty about hurting
you. They really are. Yeah, you might feel rejected, you might feel hurt in a lot of ways,
but they also feel guilty about this. It's oftentimes this guilt that can cause them
to do things like avoid you or to tiptoe around things when it comes to you. When they do interact
with you, it's brought to surface that memory that, "Yeah, I did break up with you. Yeah,
I did hurt you," and sometimes they might even feel guilty about doing that, and so they might
try to create that distance because they don't want to feel guilty about things. They don't want
to think of themselves as this bad person that goes out there and causes other people to cry and
hurts them and crushes their dreams of being in a relationship or whatever. So they might definitely
create distance if they're feeling that way. The third thing that your ex might think or do
or feel is that they might feel frustrated and maybe even resentful after this breakup.
Oftentimes after a breakup, we as the dumpees, we make a lot of these mistakes. We beg and plead, we
promise things are going to be different, we swear up and down that we're going to change our ways,
we're going to make it right, we're going to get back together, we're going to never stop fighting
for the relationship, and all of that stuff. I think most of us have done that in some capacity.
Occasionally, I do hear from someone who's like, "Yeah, I never did any of that," and it's like,
"Wow, I'm impressed." Most of us do that, myself included. And what you may get
is your ex saying something like, "I see the changes that you're making, but it's just too
late. Why are you doing this now? Why couldn't you have done this when we were together?"
And because of that thought, your ex is feeling a certain sense of maybe frustration or resentment,
like, "Hey, why weren't you willing to do this when we were together? Why weren't you
willing to do this when I was bringing up these issues? Why weren't you willing to
make these changes and have these conversations when I was sending out these warning signs that,
'Hey, something's not right here'? How come it's only now that it seems like
it's worth it for you to take care of these things and to get these things under control?"
And part of them feels frustrated that it's only now that you're wanting to do this,
that it's only now that you've gone through this breakup that now it's somehow important to you.
This kind of ties into some of the stuff that we've talked about before about you using
your ex as a means to an end to feel better about yourself. They start to think, "Oh,
you're only doing this now because you feel bad because you're going through this breakup
and you just want to get back to normal and you just want to be in a relationship and I
happen to be the means to an end to get into that relationship." And so this is definitely something
that comes up very frequently, and what I usually recommend people do, or how they
respond when something like this happens, is to let their ex know that, "You're right. I didn't
take those warning signs seriously when I saw them, and this breakup that we're having right
now, it was really a wake-up call for me that maybe I need to reprioritize my life and I need to
make some different choices. I know that I hurt you, and I'm not asking anything of you,
but I'm trying to do my best to learn from this and to become a better person because of it."
What that does is it takes responsibility for the role that you had. It gives them some context to
understand where you're coming from now so that they don't have to think of you as this
person that's using them as a means to an end to get a relationship so that you can feel better
about yourself while taking zero interest or consideration to where they are emotionally.
That's what I typically recommend people say in those sorts of situations.
The fourth thing that your ex might be thinking or feeling is they feel guilty about not wanting to
get back together with you. Oftentimes, when we do end up in this situation where it's widely known
that we want to get back together with them, they might understandably hold themselves back
and say, "No, it's too little too late," or whatever the case might be. But there's also a
part of them that feels guilty about this. There's a part of them that feels guilty and it says,
"Maybe we could make this work. Maybe it is okay. Maybe we might be able to pull
this off. Here I am, I'm not trying to give this another chance. I feel kind of guilty about that.
Aren't we told that everyone deserves a second chance? Aren't we told that we should
be compassionate and kind? And here I am not doing that." So they might feel guilty. Totally,
totally. And so you want to be mindful of that as you're moving forward with interacting with them.
And the fifth thing that your ex might be thinking or feeling is there's legitimately
a part of them that wants to say, "Yeah, let's give this relationship another chance. Let's
do it again." But they feel conflicted. It took them a certain amount of time and a certain amount
of frustration or disappointment or whatever that got to the point where they actually felt like
they needed to break up with you, and they're not just going to trust themselves fully to go back
into that relationship until they know that it's not going to be the exact same dynamic that they
walked out of in the first place. So they're going to naturally be holding themselves back,
even though there is definitely that part of them that wants to say yes. There's a part of them that
wants to say, "Yeah, let's work this out. Let's make this happen. Let's give this another shot."
They need to learn how to trust you again, and that's really what the whole five stages
that we talk about in the video series on the five stages your ex goes through,
what those are all about. They're about your ex learning to trust that you are who you're
presenting yourself as. If you can continue to show up through consistency, through embodying
those advanced relational skills, through all that stuff, you are really embodying trust and
you're building trust in them. And as they sort of build this degree of trust, they're
gong to start to go through these five stages, and that's where you get all these different things:
wall of reactance, test drive, riding the dragon, crisis point, and new beginnings.
It's this journey towards learning to trust again. There is definitely that part of them that wants
to say yes, but they have to trust themselves. They have to trust you. They have to trust that
this is somehow going to be different, that this isn't going to end up in the
same place a few months down the road when the same patterns are repeating. So the way
that you nurture that trust is by showing up consistently, advanced relational skills,
all that stuff, and inspiring that trust through them and giving them a good reason to want to say
yes to getting back together with you again. So once again, if you did like this video,
I hope this helps you out. I hope you did like this video. If you did like the video,
like the video. Hit that thumbs up button. Subscribe to the channel,
all that good stuff. Also, if you do want help navigating through these five stages,
we do, of course, have The Ex Solution Program. You can check it out down below. Once again, thank
you so much. If you do want to learn more about the five stages, we do have this video series on
the five stages right over here, or you might want to check out this video right over here. But once
again, my name is Clay. Thank you so much. Please take care, and I'll talk to you next time.