I come from a small town
from Savannah, Georgia.
I appreciate the
applause for Savannah.
(audience cheers)
It's too late, it's too late.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, I love Savannah.
You guys get snow.
We get a lot of
hurricanes in Savannah.
People always ask me all the time,
"Cyrus, you ever get worried
"about visiting Savannah
"during hurricane season?"
I'm like, not really,
I just don't like the names
they give the hurricanes.
Yeah, the names, they're great.
Like, the last one we had was
Dorian, Hurricane Dorian.
It's a category five
hurricane named Dorian.
I didn't have a problem with that.
You know?
But the one before that,
I didn't care for,
Florence.
Category five hurricane
named Florence?
Like no offense, ladies.
I'm just saying
that's not a strong name.
You want to go with a
Margaret or Harriett.
Those are strong names.
Florence is not about to
make me leave my house,
because I don't know
who Florence is to you,
but to me, Florence is that old lady
in the back of the church
that gives you peppermints
for sitting through the whole sermon.
(audience laughing)
That's who Florence is to me.
That's not enough to
make me leave my house.
Now, Hurricane OJ,
I might pack my bags.
(audience laughing)
Sorry I don't like the name,
I don't like the name.
(audience applauding)
Yeah and you know part
of that is the news.
They like to perpetuate stuff.
You know, they'll get higher ratings,
they'll send somebody
like Al Roker from the Today Show
to scare everybody.
Be like
(makes wind noises)
"We're going to have wind gusts
"of 50 to 60 miles per hour.
"We're going to have
"eight to nine inches
"of torrential rain
"and that's the weather
"in your neck of the woods.
"Back to you."
(audience laughing)
(audience applauding)
Oh, what's funny to me is right
behind Al Roker would
be somebody actually
from Savannah wearing
Bermuda shorts,
a Hawaiian shirt, smoking Newports,
walking his dog, like,
"Yeah, y'all stay inside.
"It's very dangerous out here,
"y'all stay inside."
(audience laughing)
Meanwhile, I'm scared of
the eye of the hurricane.
That's what used to
scare us back in the day.
Like I'm 10 years old, I'm like,
Why would you give this
human characteristic
to something that's not human?
Eye of the hurricane.
I'm in my room praying like,
Lord, please don't let us
get the eye of the hurricane.
Let us get the leg or the pinky toe.
(audience laughing)
Please don't let us get
the eye of the hurricane.
If we do get the eye, Lord,
let it be a lazy eye, amen.
(audience laughing)
(audience applauding)
Which I can speak on because
I do have a lazy eye.
Those of you sitting on the
front row, you may notice
from time to time because you
won't know who I'm looking at.
(audience laughing)
I'm still talking to you, sir.
(audience laughing)
It's very frustrating being cross eyed.
People who can see straight,
Ma'am, you're laughing too hard.
(audience laughing)
People who can see straight,
y'all take things for granted.
You go to the movies you get exactly,
you get exactly what you asked for.
I don't have that luxury.
I go to the movies, it takes about
five minutes to get my order right.
I'm like, let me get two of those
and a medium popcorn.
The only thing,
the only thing that concessionist
gets right is the medium popcorn.
I'm like, sir, I asked for
Milk Duds and gummy bears.
He's like, "Sir, at the time of the order
"one of your eyes was
"looking at the Mike & Ikes,
"the other eye was
"looking at Starburst.
"Next, I don't have time for this."
(audience laughing)
I don't have the heart
to correct the man,
so I go back to my seat
which is equally frustrating
because the lights are dim.
I go to sit next to the girl I came with,
lights come up,
turns out I've been siting next
to an 80 year old man the whole time.
(audience laughing)
Which got really awkward
because we were holding
each other during the movie.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, the girl I came with is sitting
one row in front of me like, "Really?
"You didn't see me
"sitting here, really?"
I'm like, well you know,
my eyes are messed up.
Why didn't you say something?
She's like, "I did, but you
"and your new girlfriend kept
"going 'Shh, you're being rude.
"You're being rude.'"
(audience laughing)
I didn't know that was you.