friend of mine was substitute teaching she went into the classroom and she said
boys and girls I am your substitute teacher one little child got so excited
went to the reading lab the next period and went up to a mutual friend of ours
and said guess what our real teacher sick but today we got a prostitute
teacher but you have to see the humor speaking to a group of ladies in a
nursing home and they all stood up at the end the sweet lady came up to me and
she said honey we liked you so much we gave you a standing off you lotion
said Lord that must be special coming from you ladies and your face if you're
hot all the time and you can't sleep too way after nine I love this next part if
you're afraid to sneeze some people say depends and then it's the precious
pearls laughter which is dedicated to my mother the book she was very funny okay
and the first chapter is great because it talks about what happens when you
climb a ladder because a woman shouldn't because her uterus will fall out I just
had to say it is red if you're just joining us good morning to a letter
check Jane her long father apparently it's a trick listen every southern woman
has heard these stories from their mother I got was mine yeah I mean I've
heard about going blind I'll give you that but I'm not know but but really my
mother and Tutsi who was like my second mother they've been going walmart and
see somebody on the ladder and say your universe is gonna fall how embarrassing
me can you just hear the people at walmart we got a universe on all four we
go to yours I'm just telling you this is stuff all southern women listening will
go yes I have a story my mother dogs girl I got that wonderful job tutoring
dyslexic children and I got fired best thing there happen adversity can be your
best friend did y'all hear that especially for you down there it can be
your buddy big lessons just in that little story you know what
17 years later I'm walking across the stage of Miss America
forget your troubles and just get happy gonna chase all the cares away see how
to do y'all come on get happy but even at the dentist office this woman told me
she said I had some money in my chair that said that they were getting married
at walmart I said I hear a song listen to the words a Walmart wedding I'm
getting married at the walmart chuxiong the register which I'm they got a
greeter bring your own creature a Walmart wedding is divine humor is
everywhere see if you don't surround yourself and look for it in laugh at
yourself there is no way you can be yourself and let me tell you you gotta
be your best self my husband and I were ready to start a family and it just
wasn't happening as we say in the south that dog didn't hunt point nothing so we
end up in a fertility clinic that so I was told you can't have children broke
my heart house all depressed I didn't like me you ever been there you know
like yourself cuz you're not acting like you know you're supposed to so I was all
down to make matters worse my husband bought a stockyard first I looked at his
face and I thought oh he's sick cuz his jaw was out to here I was red man then
he had toothpicks coming out of this side I'm thinking do you know how you
look I mean freakish so he's just staring at me I hate that I stared back
and then he asked me a question that I hated y'all know it you know what it is
hey you got any chaps I thought I'm not giving you my chopstick did what
children oh thank you no no I don't ovulate properly what why
why did I say that like he needed to know that he looks at me and says ain't
got no chap someone no he said well if you was my heifer I would have done
drove you to the meat processing plant I said you know what if I was your heifer
I Drive myself you look for the humor you laugh at yourself but it has great
life lessons it really does like I gave up I give it walmart for Lent there's a
good idea look I love somebody the titles are fantastic you have to learn
you have to learn to laugh at yourself cuz I'm a humorist and the first person
you need to laugh at is yourself and if you can't do that that's sad Thank
you're also on the blue comedy blue collar collar not eat or fun yes that's
a lot of fun i'm doing their show in nashville after the first of the year
which is great right and pandora just pick me up to and i'm very thankful I
just keep rage in her along the book is I bury me with my parole spell on that
seller say that best selling our future of best-selling book nobody's right knee
right now it is yeah it's been that way for about a month Oh we'll get out of
town all right best-selling author yeah Jane her along details for you at watch
calm Berra me my pearls on life lessons and putting a humor with a spiritual
twist on it hey there I'm Jane her long and you're
waking up with good day on Fox when we see it again y'all and you're waking up
to good day watch on Fox I've been wrong I'm waking up to good day watch on watch
box good day watch on five good day father