My husband wants me to watch porn. My name is Paul Friedman, I founded The
Marriage Foundation and I'm going to try to help you see a bigger picture because
if we just look at this surface topic you're not going to be able to improve
your marriage and that's the whole idea behind what I do and The Marriage
Foundation does. We want your marriage to be what you wanted it to be when you got
married. You wanted to be happier every day of your life and you wanted to
experience unconditional love. And obviously, if your husband wants you to
watch porn that neither of those two things are happening. You may be confused
because societal knowledge right now is so far off track, it's ridiculous. The
whole idea of sexuality in marriage has been so twisted that people -- well, I get
all kinds of questions about sex and marriage and it's a shame. Because if
your marriage was functioning at the level that it should be functioning and
it's a very deep spiritual institution marriage. It's between souls, you're soul
mates. You're a soul. Your husband is a soul. Soul think in terms of angelic
your soul and now you're descending to the point of where your husband wants
you to wallow in the mud with you and watch porn to regard sexuality in your
marriage as entertainment, as a way to satisfy lustful bodily desires. Now
there's nothing wrong with sex and marriage obviously, but it
should be utilized to achieve connection between your husband and you. And porn is
taking you to the outer extreme of sexuality and making it a lustful act
reducing it. Why does he want to do that? It's simple because he's not getting
what he needs from you in the realm of intimacy. I'm going to tell you straight
forward. Men get married to women -- that's a different reason why women get married
to men because they want to experience the unconditional loving behavior that
they may or may not have received from their mother because it's a reflection
of the divine and things are so screwed up in Western and even Eastern society
right now. That sexual interaction that's become a commodity. Men are having to beg
their wives for sex. Women are negotiating with their husbands around
sex. Women are complaining that their husband doesn't understand them because
their husband wants sex. When the woman, when you have the power and you do,
this power lies with you to allow your husband to experience a different level
of sex with you that would be so fulfilling for him that the lust would
be left behind. You see, men go down to this urge. The physical urge
because it gratifies them and releases the build-up that they're experiencing
physically when they should be regarding you, when your husband should be
regarding you as an angel in his life, as the one who fulfills his need -- it's a
real need for unconditional love. How have you been expressing your
unconditional love? By complaining to him?
By making his life miserable and he doesn't listen to you and take care of
your needs? By reducing him as a man? By complaint, criticism, condemnation? No. He
should not want you to watch porn with him but your attitude should be, what am
I not doing for my husband? And your mind is going to go, "Well, I don't want to be
giving him blowjobs or putting on these weird costumes and blah blah blah," and
you shouldn't be. But you should be fulfilling him at his heart
using his sexual drive to come into your heart
but as he invited into your heart. Are you living as an ideal wife? While he's
asking you to watch porn that's not behaving as an ideal husband.
But what about you, are you behaving as an ideal
wife? So the big picture is what's missing now in this conversation you and
I are having, and the big picture is simply, "How's your marriage?" I know the
answer, it sucks. Why? I know the answer to that too and
it's not really your fault and it's not your husband's fault. It's because we're
not taught how to be married. Think about it. You don't just get a license to drive
a car. You learn about cars and you learn how to drive them and you learn the
rules for the road and then it's easy for most of us. What
do you think marriage is easier than driving a car less complicated? Well,
where did you get educated? What do you know about marriage? Why did you get
married? You got married to be happy. Did you know that? Did you know consciously
that what the grand prize of marriage is? It's unconditional love. Did you know
your marriage is supposed to get better every single day?
Happier? What are you doing? Marriage isn't a
ride at a theme park where you strap in and, "Oh boy, here we go for a ride." You
have to do what you have to do to make marriage happier to pull that
unconditional love into the marriage. Nothing good comes out of going with the
flow. In this world, we have to fight against the flow. And in marriage, we're
supposed to do it together. Now, at a practical level you say to your husband
"I don't want to have that kind of sexual relationship with you. Let's bring
it up to a higher level. Let's try. I watched this guy Paul
Friedman from The Marriage Foundation and he got me thinking. Let's take a look
at what he has. Let's see what he's talking about because Paul Friedman is
claiming that our marriage can be happier every single day that we could
have something much more fulfilling than just mundane sex then turning sex into a
recreational sex. That we could turn it into an amazing thing that both of us
would want all the time." My clients used to ask me, how often should
we have sex? Once a day, once a week, once a month?
It doesn't really matter. What you really should be asking is, how do we
establish the intimacy? How do we generate this love between us so that
sex or no sex, once a day, three times a day, three times a week, a month doesn't
matter. We're feeling it all the time.
That's what you want. That's what you want. Take a look at this request from
your husband as an indication that your marriage isn't making it. Don't see it in
any other light. Don't judge it on the surface, on the face. Don't judge your
husband. Your marriage is dysfunctional. Judge your marriage, learn about marriage
and then do what you're supposed to do to make your marriage amazing. Here's the
script. You're supposed to be happier and
so is your husband every single day. You're supposed to feel your love
expanding continuously to where you're floating with joy. That's what you're
supposed to have and in order to have that you need to know what you're doing
and that should be your mission. Subscribe to the videos that I produce,
comment if you'd like, share them. But take heed, don't just think this was an
interesting philosophical discussion. We've been at this for decades. We felt
many many people. Read the reviews. See what we're all about. See if it resonates.
I just want you to be happier. I want your husband to be happier. I want
your children to be happier. So God bless you, and I'll let you go with that. Take care!