I'd like to share
this quote by Pulitzer Prize
winning author, Junot Díaz,
"It's that if you want to make
a human being into a monster,
deny them at the cultural level,
any reflection of themselves",
and growing up, I felt like
a monster in some ways.
I didn't see myself
reflected at all.
I was like, "Yo,
...is something wrong with me?
That the whole society seems
to think that people like me
don't exist?".-
And part of what inspired me
was this deep desire that
before I died,
I would make a couple of mirrors
That I would make mirrors
so that kids like me
might see themselves reflected
back, and might not feel
so monstrous for it."
Growing up in smalltown Canada,
I didn't see myself reflected
in my culture.
Granted, there was Connie Chung
in the media,
and I think I applied
to journalism school, Carlton...
because of it,
and there were always
these glimpses of actual Asian
maybe even Korean people
floating in the background
on the T.V. show, M*A*S*H*.
But not really anywhere else.
And that made me angry.
That made me want to
change things because I
...I knew it wasn't right.
I mean, how was there
no place for me?
Even when I was 10 and I auditioned for my first play,
I knew I wanted to
challenge this.
And I have strived to do so
for the past 30 years.
But I think I've spent
a good part of my career
trying to will this acceptance.
That if I worked hard enough,
if I was just lucky enough,
that I could change the system.
If people could just see my
talent, and my soul,
that it wouldn't matter
what I look like
in an image-based industry.
If I could just...
If I had the chance
to be the story
that I too would be accepted
as the hero.
And to a great extent,
that method worked.
I worked really hard,
I was very lucky,
and very few key people
saw my talent
and it didn't matter
what I looked like.
But from the bottom of my heart,
I am searching for another way now
'cause watching kids movies
and programs with my nieces
and my kids' friends now,
I realize how...
I didn't realize how shockingly
little has changed
in the past 30 years.
I mean there's definitely been
exceptions, like Miyazaki films,
and the terrific Nickelodeon
show, 'The Last Airbender'.
but we all know what happens
when they make that into a film.
And if you don't, look it up.
I really don't think people
understand what it does to
a child when they never see
themselves as the hero
of a story.
I've always been curious
what are the subtle and deep
effects that get passed down
when a child doesn't see
themself reflected in
the culture.
When they rarely see
themselves in the books
that they read, or
the films that they watch,
like a hundred times over.
Or ever hear their own accents
on the T.V. shows that they're
obsessed with.
You know, where their characters
feel negative or untrue.
When their image is always
the tiny one that's
squished into the back of
the poster.
Where their character gets
to speak just a little.
And where they are there
to help support the "real" hero
of the story--
which is usually
the white character.
I wonder what happens to
a free and open child
when they begin to internalize
and accept the dominant
views of society.
And these kids, who then
bring these beliefs and
frustrations into adulthood.
I mean, I wonder how many
of us, here right now,
what we're carrying.
I remember watching...
seeing 'Joy Luck Club'
for the first time.
I saw it at the
Vancouver Film Festival with
filmmaker, Mina Shum.
And I bawled through all
of 'Joy Luck Club'.
Like, racking sobs.
Like, way too much
for what the film called for.
Yeah, really, it was
way too much.
And through those tears,
I understood that
that despite all the times
that I had related to characters
on screen, previous
to that moment,
despite how talented and
true like, Meryl Streep is,
or all the times that
I have laughed and cried
and related to her, as she
played mother and child and hero
that was never enough.
There was so much more to feel.
And I realized...
I didn't realize
until that moment
when I actually saw someone
who looked like myself on screen
that I had been missing so much...
and what I have been missing:
My story.
My mother's story.
My parents' story.
I remember when President Obama
was elected for the first time,
I was on the set of 'Grey's...'
and it was super exciting.
They brought all these T.V.s
on set, and
everyone was elated, and then
and then I noticed one of our
African American crew
members was weeping.
And at first, I was concerned.
But then, I understood.
I understand now, that all the
good intentioned anger & energy
and desire for change I felt
in the past, was my own grief.
Grief at the absence of
seeing my own truth reflected.
So, like Mr. Diaz's wish,
I too would like to
create some mirrors.
I just want to really quick,
share with you an email
exchange I had with a dear
friend of mine, Joan,
who is the showrunner of, the
headrunner of 'Grey's Anatomy'
for five years.
She and her husband
have two children.
The youngest, Sally, who's 12,
is adopted from China.
"January 14, 2014, from Joan:
Sally. Tonight.
Apropos of nothing.
"I used to think
I was kind of ugly,
because I had squinty eyes.
And then I met Sandra, and she
has squinty eyes, and
is beautiful. And now,
I don't think I'm ugly."
We've never had a conversation
with Sally about her eyes,
or anything, but she is getting
all these bad feelings from
all the media around her.
She would love a giant
hug from you next time
she sees you.
Joan."
"January 15, 2014.
Joan.
I get this magazine
called 'KoreAm".
News and articles about
and for Korean Americans.
This morning, I was reading
an article about how K-Pop
is a huge influence on the
influx of teen plastic surgery.
Korea is the number one country
for plastic surgery,
and 20% of those who get it done
are teenagers."
I was in the shower, thinking.
Thinking of my own struggle
with accepting my face.
Thinking how I would never be
seen as beautiful as I am
or even be able to find
work in Korea.
And then I thought about
this older woman, an acquaintance
of my mother, who lives in Korea
who asked me...
in a slightly accusatory way...
"You've never done anything
to your face, have you?".
When I replied, "No",
she responded, "We can tell..."
"Don't change it."
I mean I wonder,
if I am one of the only female
Korean faces, who is actually on
Korean television media, because
'Grey's Anatomy' airs there
that has not been
surgically altered.
I was granted a life
of growing up in Canada,
had the parents I did,
and was graced with a talent
and determination, yet still,
I grew up hating my face,
loathing my eyes,
and believing I was ugly.
So,
to read your email
of what Sally said
at the breakfast table
this morning,
I burst out crying.
If I could relieve,
for one second,
the difficulty & inner struggle
of being different from Sally,
I would feel great meaning
in my life.
To reach that 10 year old girl,
the one that I once was,
and to help her accept herself
is the whole point for me.
That's why I'm here,
and why I think
I've been so blessed...
...for her.
"Next time I see Sally,
I'm gonna give her
a super hug, but won't
tell her what it's for.
Sandra."
Thank you very much.