Sometimes people have negative emotions when they hear words like broken,
battered, beaten, board, hopeless, whatever it may be. But I think there are so many people who are
feeling that way. They're disengaged from their own life. Oftentimes I call them the underdogs
of their own life. And I think it's because like you portray on the show, a lot of people
have gone through trauma, adversity, setbacks, whatever it may be. And it's hard to learn to be
resilient to those things. In fact, I have a solo episode coming out this week on the power
of resiliency. So what are some of your ideas on how do you achieve post traumatic growth?
Yeah, well, I love the idea about resiliency. I think it's natively in a hair and
inherently a part of what it is that we are as the human species. If you look at
the biological growth of us as human beings, what is the number one function of the brain?
It's a biological response mechanism, containment system, whatever you want to call it,
that is about survival. And on the backside of survival is obviously procreation, right? But
first and foremost, it's survival. So inherently, we're built to be resilient. For some of us. It's
a, it's a harder journey than others. But ultimately, I do think that we're all fit
for it. And I think that, and I love the parlay, and this is gonna answer your question, I think
the way that you actually start to have growth, on the backside of dark things that happen is a
few different things. First and foremost, John, and I think that you can agree with me on this,
you know, bad things are gonna happen. Like that is the human experience, we all have it, you it's
unavoidable, the measuring the scope of it is going to vary person to person, but ultimately,
we're all going to face suffering and pain and loss and death. That is just how it is. And so
in that you kind of come to this place where you look at life through acknowledgement.
And I think that's always kind of the first step in growth, like, can you acknowledge it? Can you
just look at it and go, Yeah, bad things happen to me. That doesn't mean you're culpable. That's not
culpability, that is not the same thing. It's not your fault. You know, if you had terrible parents,
and a community that didn't support you, and learning disability, you know, all the things,
all this goes on, and on and on. But at some point in your life, you're gonna have to look at it,
you're going to have to make a decision. And you're going to have to recognize
something really important about the truth of everything that comes next. And it's a question,
it's a simple question, but it's a difficult one to answer. Are you taking care of yourself? Or
are you taking it easy on yourself. And those are two vastly different things,
right. And when we get into the scope of taking it easy on ourselves, by not living into our truth,
by not living into our potential, by not going and pushing the envelope of what we think we can do,
then we are losing, it's so dismissive, to go through all of the things that we experience in
life, and then to be stuck in a corner playing the victim role. Now, that said, I'll be the first one
to raise my hand and go, I played that card for a very long time. No, I look at my life at 25.
I'm 350 pounds, smoking two packs of cigarettes a day, drinking myself to sleep, destroying my life
going and working out a job in corporate America that I hated just because I got paid well, and and
I look at that, and I go, that's allowing other people to dictate my life, right? The people who
always told me, You're not good enough, you're not strong enough, you're not capable enough? Okay,
great. Well, if I allow that to be my narrative, then that will be my reality. Because look,
the reality is that when you look at life through understanding that the only way that you grow,
is to challenging yourself to be okay with being in discomfort, right, not running from
it not shying from it, because when you do that, you're going to lose every single time. Because on
the other side of discomfort on the other side of doing that thing, that are so unbelievably
incredibly painful in the moment, right? Something is different in your life on the other side.
And I think about this every day. If you do something different. People are always like,
can I make my life better? John, I don't know what better means.
What Does better mean? What is the measurement? How do you quantify better, I don't know how to
do that. But I do no different. And I say if I can do one thing every day to make my life different
than when it is today. That is an alignment with my mission, my vision, my values and my
goals. Then on a long enough timeline, I can do anything. So one act one movement in a different
direction, just one degree from where you are right now. Every single day for years three 165
decisions that you have made. I'm gonna tell you right now if you make 365 different choices and
the choices you make today, you will have growth, not saying it's gonna be easy because it's not
it's gonna be uncomfortable and difficult and painful. But on the backside it will be different