-My name is Marie,
and I joined the Army when I was 18 years old.
I served from 2000 to 2009.
I was deployed for OIF-1 and OIF-2 to Iraq
in 2003, 2004.
We were right at the very beginning of the Iraq War.
There wasn't even, like, service routes established.
One of the biggest things that happened there was
my squad leader was killed.
And I looked up to him, I mean, so losing him was crazy.
I remember the day it happened.
I mean, it was, like, giant explosion,
everybody scrambling around.
And then it was, "Okay, back to your work."
You just kind of pushed it out of your brain at the time
because you had so much else going on.
I mean, you know, you're like,
"Oh, I got to get ready for my next mission.
I got to do this, that, and the other thing."
So you didn't really even think about it
or process it at the time at all.
You know, when it started to creep up on me
was after we got home.
I'm a very, very social person by nature,
and so, almost, it was, like, for me,
a survival tactic of coping with life
was kind of just always be out and about with people
so that I wouldn't think about stuff.
And I was doing all this stuff, and, you know,
there was still this aspect of being really lonely,
because, for the longest time,
I mean, I really, really missed my unit
and the people that I knew
had been through the exact same things as me.
And then, as the months started going by,
then it was like my brain
suddenly started remembering all this stuff.
The biggest thing I noticed first was nightmares --
just horrible ones -- to the point
where if I was dreaming that I was in physical pain,
I would wake up with that physical pain.
And then, yeah, just being very paranoid of loud noises.
Mostly, I just didn't talk about it to anybody.
I'd just tell them surface stuff like, "Oh, you know,
this one time,
there was this, you know, a really bad sandstorm,"
or I'd talk about the stuff
but none of the really serious issues.
I just got to the point
where my insomnia and my nightmares
were just slowly killing me and kind of feeling like,
"Oh, there's nothing left for me in the world,"
kind of that really dismal mentality.
And I started getting really, really sick.
Like, I went from being able to run 20 miles --
I'm a distance runner --
to not even being able to run 2.
One day, I was like, "I'm just going to go down
and get registered with the VA, get in the system."
For me, what was the most effective was
signing up for group therapy.
That, I actually liked and enjoyed
because I could meet up with other vets
and who are in massive pain like me.
And then I didn't feel like it
was just me dealing with my issues.
It was, "Hey, we are all dealing with these issues."
I feel like I've been on an uphill swing now for a while,
which has been amazing.
I am super thankful that I did end up having the willpower
to see through it and get the treatment that I needed.
Because of that, my physical health has greatly improved.
And it's so much easier to manage your illnesses
if you're actually willing to confront them and say,
"Yes, I have this, and I need to go find treatment.
I need to figure out what medication works for me,"
and just do the footwork, no matter how hard it is.