So I said, do you love me? And she said, no, but that's a real nice ski mask!
Mr. Jenkins?
Wait, I have an idea. You go over there, introduce yourself, that way you can build me up so
I don't have to brag about myself later.
Did you pay the gas bill?!?
Mr. and Mrs. Roberts?
Yes?
Can I get a copy of your insurance card, please?
Ya know- gingivitis is the number one cause of all tooth decay.
Mr. and Mrs. Roberts, the doctor's ready for you.
Right this way, please.
If I'm not back in 5 minutes- just wait longer.
May I congratulate you on your success; you smell terrific.
You may. And thank you.
Well, first off, I'm Dr. San-
Samsonite! I was way off.
Sanders, how're you both doing today?
Not bad. Fell off the jetway, again.
We've been to hospitals, and we've ran so many tests, but, they have no idea-
Well let's, uh- let's not worry about that right now.
First, let's uh- hang on-
Kinda hot in these rhinos.
I don't know where my pen is...
Pen-is? Yes I have one right here. It's bulky but I consider it carry-on.
First, why don't you guys tell me why you think you're here and then we'll move on from there.
Of course. How selfish of me.
Let's do all the things that you wanna do.
Listen to him! He's like this all the time! I mean, he does these movie quotes- I mean,
it happened ever since-
Well! Everything here seems good!
Big load off my mind!
Carl-
Yes, Satan? Oh sorry, sir. You sounded like someone else.
Why won't you talk to me?!
You spilled the salt!
I just want my husband back!
Husband? What was all that one-in-a-million talk?!
Rachel, would you mind stepping out of the office for a minute?
I guess...
It's only gonna be for a few minutes.
Is it number one or number two? I just wanna know how much time I have.
So Carl, you wanna come clean?
We've got no food, we got no jobs, our pets heads are falling off!
Jim Carrey's definitely one of my faves, and you- you do it really well
Oh yeah? And you're ugly.
What was her name?
Uh... well I have kissed a man.
It was the worst when they do Sandler; all that baby talk crap gets real annoying real fast.
Wedding Crashers was popular for awhile, I did enjoy that, that was good.
And you must be the Monopoly guy! Thanks for the free parking.
I love that you're sticking with the Ace Ventura, the Dumb & Dumber, the classics,
the classic Jim Carrey. But, I'm just, surprised; why wouldn't you do The Mask?
Well yeah- I mean, The Mask, with, ya know, Jim Carrey, it's [stumbling]- he's-
it's not Jim Carrey, it's The Mask.
Heh... I, uh...
theeeerrre's something on the wing!
Some THING- on the wing.
She caught you. You faked being a nutjob so that her concern for your well-being would
help her forget about the infidelity. Relax.
I, uh... you knew all along?
Doc Holiday! That was my favorite. Val Kilmer version, of course.
Of course.
Wait, so now what?
You book and pay for one session a week for the next 6 weeks. Around week 4 you start
to get better. Then right around six or seven, you completely improve.
Take her out to dinner, she's got her husband back.
You want me to come back every week?
Nonono- you make the payments, you set up the appointments,
but you don't actually show up.
But I still have to pay??
How're you gonna explain that you saw a shrink for almost 2 months but don't have
any deductions on your bank statements?
Look- if someone offers you a get out of adultery free card, is that really the best time to be cheap?
What? Oh, no [chuckle]
I was thinking I could be Maverick next time, ya know?
There's this chick at the gym named Marissa...
Has she lost that lovin' feeling?
Huh?
You can come back in, now.
He's good. With my help, he could be the best.
He'll come back in a few more times, over the next few weeks, and we're gonna sort through
everything- you'll have your husband back in no time.
Really?? How can you be so sure? All the other doctors-
I've been doing this a long time. Trust me.
Spank you Helpy Helperton...
You take care, Carl.
That's none of your damn business and I'll thank you for staying out of my personal affairs.
He'll be fine, I promise.
Thank you. See you guys.
Oh, geez look at the butt on that.
Yeah. He must work out.
Excuse me- your balls are showing.
I just believe there's more to life that being really really ridiculously good-looking.
No.
Yeah.
I don't think there is. I think there is.
No.
She actually talked to me. Tractor beep [zoop] sucked me right in.
Be careful with that phone lieutenant-
in time you could develop a tumor.
Be sure that you do. If I had been drinking from the toilet, I might've been killed.
Can I get a copy of your insurance card, please?
Your request is not unlike your lower intestine- stinky, and loaded with danger.
Well, things are a lot easier when you're
attractive.
That is true.
Nplagma: Say how would you know.
But how would you know?
I'm kidding.
Nplagma: It's gonna pick up me saying that, anyway. You don't even know how to insult women, God!
Nplagma: Any time you need help with sorority stuff, I am very available. I don't work, so...
IN BACKGROUND: Nice to meet you.
>>NPLAGMA: I have a puppy. >>Mike Duff: yeah, whenever you need sorority help-
>>NPLAGMA: I already called dibs, get outta here.
Go into- Chris Farley. Got in the taxi and went to treatment. [Laughter]
This is not our butt, Dennis!