Hi, the topic today is
"My husband thinks I take him for granted."
My name is Paul Friedman. I founded The
Marriage Foundation
and we are here to help you as much as
we are
able to. I used to be a divorce mediator.
I shifted my practice to helping
marriages
and we are very successful because
our whole thing is to get you from
wherever you are now
to having a happy marriage. One of the
great ways to
learn a lot about marriage the right way
is by subscribing to this channel so I
urge you to do so.
Also go to our website,
themarriagefoundation.org.
Now about your husband thinking you take
him for granted
chances are really good that he's right
and we're going to take a look at this.
Now, I've written a couple of books
and in those books and in our
courses for men and women, I literally
list
three killers of marriage and this is
very important to you
because the very first one is
over-familiarity. Over familiarity means
that you get to know each other
really well. I don't know if you have any
siblings
but if you have a sister or brother, you
know you talk to them like
you've known really well and it's
sometimes not very kind.
And so, this is
taking people for granted. When
we know them very well,
our expectations of ourselves
drop lower and lower and lower.
We are literally rude with people most
of the time.
I'm not saying you are but most of the
time
we're rude to people who we know really
well
while we're very polite and kind
to people we don't know so well. Now
when you meet your soul mate and you
start dating,
Wow! you're really at the top of your
game
and most people literally think,
"Well, that was when we were dating. Of
course I'm not the same way,"
and this is a killer of
marriage is this over-familiarity
where you get to know your husband so
well
and it's the other way too. He's the same
way with you.
He's got to know you so well that
you take each other for granted when the
reverse
is supposed to be true. What's the
reverse?
So if he knows you really well
or let's do it the other way. You know
him
really well, you can't deny
that. You know him literally better
than he knows himself.
So knowing him and you're married and
your goal in marriage
is what? Your goal in marriage
is to be happier every single day of
your lives.
It's also to open up your heart
in a very safe space. I call it the
sacred space
of marriage. It's very safe only two of
you are in there.
So you know each other very well,
you know him so well that you know
what his likes and dislikes are. So
here's a question
that I'm going to ask you and I'd like
you to be honest with yourself.
Do you take advantage of this knowledge
of him
to make him happier?
If the answer is yes, then I don't know
what is going on with him. Maybe
he's not feeling enough love coming from
you,
maybe he's not having enough
sexual relations with you.
These are two of
the
main, you might say incentives that men
have for thinking that their wife
is taking them for granted.
Do you still treat him to things?
Do you still smile
at him when you see him? Do you
text him during the day and just tell
him
you love him? Probably
not, and this is normal but it's not
good. You know here's the thing.
It's not your fault. I'm going to
get into this right now.
This is not your fault. Are you guilty as
charge?
Probably, I don't know you but why would
he be saying something
if you weren't taking him for granted.
And so, the problem is
that we grow up without any
education about marriage.
We do not learn about
what is required of us.
When you want to get your license you
know exactly,
for to drive, you know exactly what is
required of you.
But when you get married, the only thing
required of you
is that you go down and get a license.
It doesn't really make any sense because
marriage is an amazing thing when you
know
how to, let's say drive it,
but it's very precarious to be married
if you don't understand marriage.
That's why I've written the books and
this is why I have the courses for men
and women so let's talk about this. It's
really important for you to know.
You didn't learn this before so I'm
going to tell you.
There's two primary reasons for getting
married.
One, you want to be happier every day of
your life just like I mentioned before.
The second one from my point of view is
way more important. You want to
experience
unconditional love the way I typically
put it
is you get married to learn how to love
unconditionally
because learning how to love
unconditionally
does not create a reciprocation. It doesn't
get your husband to love you back
that stuff is all nonsense. What it
does is it opens up your heart.
Where does love come from? Love doesn't
come from inside of you. Well,
yes and no, but you can't
manufacture love.
You can experience love but it comes
from our creator and
this is not a religious thing. And so,
when you give
love, think of yourself as
using your willpower, using your mind
to open your heart to allow
love in in order to give it
to your husband. Now the way it works
mechanically
is as you give it to your husband and
there's a lot of ways to do that,
that love pours through you. It keeps
filling up.
It's inexhaustible. Love has no beginning
and it has no end and you have
experienced that about love yourself, I
know that you have.
So when you learn to love
unconditionally
and there's methods, then what happens is
you start to feel this love.
That's one important thing because
that's why you got married
and the other, you almost can call it a
side effect
is that your husband will start to see
that you love him. He won't feel the love
necessarily.
In fact, he probably will not but that's
a whole other discussion
because the mind blocks the feeling of
love. Love is too big.
Our minds can't wrap around it but he
will see
all the indicators that you love him.
One of those great indicators is that
you no longer take him for granted.
So you might say that instead of
stopping to take him for granted
we don't bother with that because it's
really hard to do
because it's just almost impossible. But
what you
can do is you could start to love him
unconditionally and in so doing,
he will never feel taken for granted
again and that's the answer. So subscribe
to this channel so you could learn about
marriage.
Get one of the books. Go to our website
themarriagefoundation.org
so you can really see what we have to
offer because
the potential that you have in your
marriage
is amazing. You need to learn how to take
advantage of that.
I'm Paul Friedman. I founded The Marriage
Foundation.
So like this video, leave a comment if
you would like. I love the nice comments.
I love the likes
and visit us again. Thank you for
spending your time with me!
I really hope that this was helpful.
God bless and take care!