2009 seems like forever ago.
Miley Cyrus was still Hannah Montana, in 2009. There was only one Hangover movie, in 2009.
And the Nintendo Wii was the biggest thing in video games...in 2009. In fact, it was
actually the biggest thing in games, in years. It was a huge, runaway, breakthrough success.
And it was a success...that the people who make video games had no idea what to do with.
I mean, they tried a few things. No More Heroes, Boom Blox, de Blob. All great ideas, all from
third-party publishers. But it wasn't long before their ideas were outnumbered by their
excuses. And they started to simply disregard...that huge, runaway, breakthrough success.
That's why a game like Spyborgs was a big deal...in 2009.
Of course, if you didn't have a Wii, you've probably never even heard of Spyborgs. When
you see it now, you're probably thinking, "Wait, that was a big deal?" Well, again...you
didn't have a Wii. See, for all the things Spyborgs wasn't, there were a lot of things
it was. I mean, this was a third-party Wii game...that was an original new IP. Like,
exclusively for Wii. And even more importantly, it was a third-party Wii game...that actually
had some effort.
It had talented people behind it. It had a budget.
For Wii owners, Spyborgs was a lot of good things.
But one thing it wasn't...was a good idea.
Spyborgs was the debut project for a new development team, called Bionic Games. This was their
baby. There was a lot of talent and a lot of resources...behind this Wii game. Which
sounds so simple, but for a third-party publisher like Capcom? This was already becoming less
and less common. I mean, Capcom had already put a lot of effort behind Zack and Wiki,
a very creative idea, for the Wii...that never met sales expectations. And as a result, it
seemed like their approach to the system became a lot more cautious, and conservative.
Spyborgs had all the resources, but with a safer idea. It was kind of like the opposite
of Zack and Wiki. If that game was too out there...Spyborgs so in there, it was asleep
on the couch.
And it really starts with the IP itself. Spyborgs. Sure, it's original, but it also manages to
sound like a show you'd watch on Saturday mornings. Only, worse...it sounds like a show
you would watch on Saturday mornings, if Cartoon Network hadn't cancelled it. It tries so hard
to be an original and familiar idea, that it ends up in this incredibly generic middle
ground.
And the same goes for the tone. Too kid-friendly to be God of War, but too mature to be a kid's
game. And the characters, too. Light, medium and heavy. Ninja chick, dude with guns, massive
robot. It's the least original idea you could possibly have and still have an original idea.
But even that would all be fine, if there was something to the gameplay. Some kind of
hook, something to give the game a much-needed identity. Spyborgs doesn't have it. This is
the same kind of 3D beat 'em up you've played a hundred times before. You button mash enemies,
string together combos...sometimes, you can do a cinematic team attack, with quick-time
events. Which are a lot less interesting than they could've been. And you can also level
up your characters between levels. In, like, a handful of attributes.
Which is kind of boring.
Which is kind of fitting, for game design this safe.
So it's safe, it's boring, it's generic...three words that capture everything that's wrong
with Spyborgs. But there was also a lot right, with Spyborgs. A lot that you didn't see very
often on Wii from third parties, especially after 2009. Specifically, it's gorgeous. Even
with an art style and a soundtrack that are, of course, generic...Spyborgs is technically
stunning.
It has some of the most impressive visual effects on the platform. Especially in terms
of its lighting. The glow of the weapons, the flash of the explosions...Spyborgs does
things many developers said you couldn't really do on this system. And didn't do.
But Spyborgs did them. And in 2009?
That was a big deal.
You know, it's not that Spyborgs isn't fun. In small doses, it is. It's a fine beat 'em
up. It plays great, it looks great...it's a great co-op game, especially. I mean, you
play it now, and Spyborgs is an okay game. But in the context of its release? Such a
letdown. The Wii didn't need another okay game, from a cautious third-party that didn't
seem to get the platform.
Spyborgs seemed like it wouldn't be that.
It seemed like more than that.
But you played it then...and Spyborgs was just an okay game.
I guess some things haven't changed since 2009. A big Classic Game Room thank you to
George, from North Brunswick, New Jersey...for sending Spyborgs, for the Nintendo Wii.