Have you ever been involved in a conversation and you realized shortly after it ended that you didn't really feel like the other person was paying any attention? What we mean is that every time you made an attempt to talk about your experiences or life, they just kinda detoured and made it about them? Now that we have mentioned it, you may immediately start thinking of certain conversations that fit that description.
Well, what we have described is conversations with a narcissist.
Having a conversation with someone who you may not be aware is a narcissist can seem frustrating, confusing, and a little intimidating. These conversations are usually self-absorbed and one-way.
Some research shows that narcissistic people are often raised by parents who treated their children as superior beings, abandoned them, or mentally or physically abused them.
Victims of these different kinds of trauma can show themselves in conversations if you listen carefully.
So turn the volume up and listen to these different tips and tricks to spot a narcissist by having a simple conversation. You may be surprised how many you have had recently.
Number 1: They make it clear they only associate with people of higher importance.
This one may seem unusual but many narcissists talk about how much they will only normally speak or associate with people of equal or higher class.
You may be surprised and think to yourself, "No one would actually say that kind of stuff out loud, right?" Well, actually a narcissist would.
Narcissists have a sense of high self-esteem so they believe they only need to hang out with people who are as great as them.
Narcissistic behavior may include making you feel inferior and say things that make you feel like the conversation is almost like charity for them.
This can cause hurt and embarrassed feelings for the victim.
These kinds of back and forth toxic emotions are a clear sign of talking to a narcissist but most victims will not see that and allow the narcissist to abuse them.
It is essential to step back when you start to feel like you are not good enough for the conversation, and you need to reevaluate if this conversation is worth the negative feelings you may encounter afterwards. We promise it won't be.
Now there may be times where the person that makes you feel this way is a family member or coworker and talking to them is unavoidable.
It is important to set boundaries with those people.
Narcissists will always believe that they are better than anyone else in the room and no one will be as great as them.
You see this a lot in coworkers, especially the ones who want to move up quickly.
Many colleagues will brag on and on about how much they do for the boss and how much the boss relies on them. They say this so the other workers will feel like they do not have a chance next to them.
Narcissists will only hang out with supervisors and higher managers that can help them reach the top.
They make it clear to the workers who are on the same level as them that they are not going to be there long and they will soon be working for that narcissist.
Number 2: Constant criticism of others.
Constant criticism of others is a big indicator you are talking to a narcissist.
Narcissistic people are more negative by nature and will tell others how horrible people are to make themselves look better.
Some narcissists will criticize the people they talk to by belittling choices they make or how they decide to dress to make their ego grow.
When the victim will question the hurtful things they say, the narcissist will usually respond that they are only trying to help or ask why they are being so sensitive. We call that gaslighting.
Gaslighting is turning the fault around on the victim to make them appear like they have a false sense of reality.
We like to say here that gaslighting is a form of harsh criticism because the narcissist is telling the victim they are not strong or intelligent enough to understand their own feelings and reality.
When speaking to a narcissist and all you hear is about how they feel personally attacked all the time because this person said this and that, it is usually exaggerated or made up completely.
Narcissists are known to exaggerate stories or lie to make themselves appear better.
Number 3: They give unneeded advice.
To go along with the idea that they are always superior and more intelligent than everyone else in the room, many narcissists will give advice even when not asked to.
Their advice most of the time does not help the victim at all.
The advice is usually in a way to tear the victim down or make sure they won't get better or excel.
Narcissistic behavior includes the abuser disgusted to see others doing so well so their advice will usually backfire on the victim.
They will still offer this advice as if they truly believe it will help the victim. The victim will feel flustered and possibly go along with it.
It is important to tell the person you are speaking to that you appreciate the thought, but the advice is not necessary.
If you believe this person you are talking to may be a narcissist, then you need to always set boundaries if cutting off communication is not plausible.
They want to appear so smart and quick to help but in reality, they do not care about the victim or the situation.
Many victims fall into this trap, listen to the advice, and when they act on it, it usually hurts or embarrasses them.
Narcissists lack empathy, and empathy is usually the main ingredient in helping others.
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Number 4: They always want to discuss themselves.
Humans, by nature, are usually very self-aware. They enjoy doing things for themselves and talking about things they like or have done. That is completely normal.
What is also normal is acknowledging that they're not the only person that exists on the planet and it is important to check on others. That is completely normal.
Narcissists believe the world revolves around them and you may notice in conversation that the topic is always about them.
No matter what the topic is or the importance, they will find a way to make it about them.
If you are talking to someone, and you notice they don't show any interest in things you have said or done, they don't ask you any questions, or match your energy in the conversation, you may be talking to a narcissistic person.
Many victims of abuse who leave the toxic environment will find themselves unable to discuss anything about themself because they spent so much time listening.
If you find yourself in a conversation with someone who shows little interest in what you have to say, brushes you off, or purposely changes to a topic completely different, you need to step back and remove yourself before you fall into the pattern of a victim.
As mentioned before, victims of abuse or neglect that end up with NPD usually do this because they spent so long with someone not paying any attention to what they have to say.
Number 5: They speak more than they listen.
Talking to a narcissist is hard when you have so much to say, but the narcissist won't let you say any of it.
Speaking to a narcissist usually means that they speak more than listen.
Narcissistic people love to talk over people, and control the direction of the conversation. It is part of their egotistical nature.
Speaking over others helps them feel in control. Constantly interrupting and cutting them off to talk more tells the victim, "you have no control in any aspect of this relationship, even the conversation.
" That is something important to look for when attempting to identify any narcissist in your life. If you feel like you are listening and not speaking, and all of the listening you are doing is all about them, then you are more than likely talking to a narcissist.
Another good way to indicate if someone is a narcissist by conversation is if they are constantly speaking about things you are not comfortable with.
We wanted to include this in this section because a narcissist will hear you say repeatedly that you are not comfortable talking about a certain topic, but the narcissist will not listen and understand.
The narcissist will continually bring up topics and ideas that make you feel vulnerable and weak.
They will notice you feeling uncomfortable and your body language will change, and they will prey on that. A narcissist's mouth is bigger than their ears.
Number 6: They become sensitive if you don't agree with them.
This last one is important because most people who hold conversations with others are accepting and okay with everyone having different opinions.
Narcissists are a little different. With narcissistic people believing they are the smartest and greatest people to walk around, if you express that you do not agree with their opinions, they may become overly sensitive and may even express some narcissistic rage.
Narcissistic rage is common in people who suffer from NPD. This includes lashing out at the victim, creating a hostile environment, and guilting the victim into changing their mind.
This is another great way to spot a narcissist, by their ability to accept differences of opinion and be open-minded to others’ thoughts.
In a narcissist's mind, it is "my way or the highway". This sensitivity can include verbal or physical backlash or the silent treatment.
Once the disagreement happens, a narcissist will silence themselves and change their body language to indicate they are not speaking till the victim realizes why they are wrong.
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