- Life sucks in bear country.
Just had a grizzly with two cubs
come at me from about 80 yards.
And I sprayed the shit out of her with bear spray.
She got my head good, I don't know what's under my hat.
My ear, my arm, pieces of stuff hanging out,
I don't know what's going on in there.
I think my arm's broke but legs are good.
Internal organs are good.
Eyes are good.
I just walked out three miles
now I gotta go to the hospital.
So, be safe out there.
- By Gods grace his life and iPhone were spared.
The guy who's head is being held together
by an adjustable cap is Todd.
And a bear almost put him into permanent hibernation.
Twice the speed of Usain Bolt,
more killer instinct than a white male high school loner
with no father figure
plus four inch claws and hot salmon burps.
It's no surprise bears cause nearly two deaths a year
in the United States.
The only safe bear is gummy.
And not those sugar free ones,
they'll rip your butt hole worse than that bear
who won DiCaprio his sympathy Oscar.
What was that movie?
Ted 2.
If ya encounter a bear in the wild
you should punch it in the nose.
That might be advise for a shark
but at least you'll die with the bear's respect.
When a grizzly is chomping on your skull
even PETA recommends you blow his goddamn head off.
I realize most folks watch this show
for important wilderness survival tips
but we like to laugh at people
who've been seriously injured as well.
That's why I invited that mangled mountain man
to finally answer the question,
does a bear shit pieces of Todd in the woods?
For this week's Web Redemption.
Welcome to my stabbin' cabin.
Rest easy, I've taken every precaution
to keep the bears at bay.
- Well I appreciate that, nice to meet you Daniel.
- Oh get in here for a bear hug.
Or will that put you in a bad place?
Trigger warning.
Todd thank you for being here.
- Thank you.
- How you doing?
- I'm doing well, mostly healed.
Lots of scars but I'm doing well.
- How many views does your video have?
- I don't know what it is now
but it had 39 million views in like 48 hours.
I was just gonna send the video to a couple buddies
then I'm like, well I got a couple of other friends,
it'll just be easier to throw it on Facebook
and then all of a sudden two hours later
my phone's blowing up, my email's blowing up,
I'm getting thousands of messages
and yeah, it was insane.
- How often have you seen bears
before this moment in your life?
- Commonly.
I work in the woods, I recreate in the woods--
- What do you do?
- I work for the Forest Service.
And I do all their trails engineering.
- Do bears actually hibernate?
That seems fake.
- They do, it depends on where they're at.
- Alright, it just seems fake.
You can't just not eat for three months
that seems crazy.
Are you suffering PTSD from this?
- I'm not, I've never had any bear dreams
or any nightmares or any issues.
A little more anxious, nervous back in the woods obviously.
- For the record, what are we supposed to do
when we encounter a black bear versus a grizzly bear.
- A grizzly bear if it attacks you, you wanna play dead.
You don't wanna run
because that triggers that predator prey response
and they're going to chase you.
Black bears are a little different.
You may want to try to fight it off.
- What are you supposed to do for polar bears?
- Say your prayers I think, yeah.
- I mean you did do the one cardinal sin
when a bear attacks
and that's not reach for your phone and start filming.
- (laughs) Had I known the video was gonna go viral--
- We would have been sitting on some gold.
- Yes.
- Don't worry I'm in show business.
And I made a 100% accurate reenactment video.
I just need you to walk us through what happened.
- Well it was a Saturday morning
and I wanted to get out,
it was a couple weeks before hunting season.
And I wanted to get--
- Just a heads up the part of you
is being played by three hot chicks in bikinis.
That's what we're currently doing here in Hollywood.
Gender bending the rules for the ladies.
I'm told it's empowering.
- Oh okay.
- I hope they scissor.
- Well it was a Saturday morning
and I wanted to get out,
it was a couple weeks before hunting season.
And so I get about three miles up the trail,
and at the far end of the meadow
about 80 yards is a grizzly bear sow.
- Hello.
(girls gasp)
- With two cubs.
- [Girls] Aww.
- [Daniel] Female grizzly bear is called a sow?
- [Todd] Sow, yes.
- Now how do you know that it's not like
a single father raising his kid.
- [Todd] Fathers do not raise the cubs,
it's always with the sows.
- You think with the current #MeToo movement and everything
that maybe the fathers
would step up. - Something should change
there maybe, yeah.
- But no, huh interesting.
- She runs over the ridge, disappears.
I thought, alright she's gone that way,
I'll go up the trail and continue my day
I'll never see her again.
I took a few steps, heard a noise,
and she had circled around the ridge
and came in behind me charging.
(roaring)
- [Daniel] Like how long of a time--
- Just like a minute.
She had covered a couple hundred yards, dropped her cubs.
- Here take them.
- And then came by herself back around behind me.
And she's coming straight down the hill
going through the brush, the grass is flying.
Pulled my bear spray, pulled the safety out,
thinking it's probably just a bluff charge.
But just in case gonna have it ready.
In that two seconds she had already covered that distance
and all of a sudden she's on top of me.
And she bit me like five times in my right arm.
(roaring)
- Now they bite and tear or just bite and let go and bite?
- She was mostly just biting and letting go.
- You feel like Marv Albert at this point,
no you would feel like the hooker.
Marv Albert used to bite hookers in the back, didn't he?
Continue.
- But five seconds and she was gone.
And I'm thinking wow, I was lucky,
I just survived a grizzly bear attack.
And I looked and I got arms bleeding
and like alright time to go to the hospital
and get some stitches.
So I start down the trail
and all of a sudden I hear
just something behind me makes me turn
and that bear had come off the ridge
and she's like 10 feet behind me now
and she's coming wide open again in a charge.
And there was no time, I had bear spray in my hand,
pistol here, no time to even turn,
I just protect my vitals--
- By the way I don't even know what vitals are.
Okay so what is that?
- Just the soft part of your stomach
that they can tear into--
- Your neck is a bad spot.
- The neck could be bad, they could just one swipe.
This time she's really mad.
The first bite was in my left arm
and I heard the crunch of the bone
where she broke my arm.
- [Daniel] I mean I can see a dip in your arm.
- There's a big divot there
that's where the tendons were sticking out.
She ripped two tendons loose,
this whole part of my forearm
was just kind of shredded from the teeth.
So I just told myself,
I'm like you gotta play dead, you have to hold still
or she's going to continue chewing on you.
- I can't even stay still when I'm getting a massage
at a spa if they start applying
just a little bit of mild pressure.
I'm just squirming.
- It's amazing what your body can do
when you're in a survival situation.
I just blocked out the pain.
But all my other senses are heightened,
I can hear the crunching of like her canine teeth
going into the muscle, pick me up,
shake me, slam me back down again.
- [Daniel] How long is this attack?
- Probably a couple minutes but it felt like hours.
One of her claws cut up the side of my scalp.
My scalp was hanging over my ears.
So my eyes were filled with blood, got a broken arm,
tendons sticking out, and then the bear just stops.
And she just kind of sniffing the back of my neck
and that was the eeriest part of the whole thing
is to actually feel and hear her breath
right on the back of my neck.
Just sittin' there going oh please leave, please leave,
don't move, trying to hold my breath,
and then she just stood there for like 30 seconds not moving
and I'm guessing she's kinda looking around
and I'm just like, try not to breath,
trying to not make a sound.
And all of a sudden she just stepped off and disappeared.
And I'm like I have to get out of here
so I wiped the blood from my eyes,
kind of looked each direction, she wasn't there.
- (exhales) Good Lord Todd that was erotic.
- Not really.
- Was it worth it for the story?
- No it was not.
- I still wish you'd pulled the gun
instead of the bear spray.
- I think I would still pull bear spray first.
99% of the time that's gonna turn 'em.
- I know but welcome to the 1%.
- Yeah exactly.
- It's a good club, I've been in it for awhile.
I'm sorry about this Todd.
What'd I tell you guys?
No bears allowed I'm into otters.
Truthfully twink spray doesn't work on bears
but it sure does rile 'em up.
(groaning)
(roars)
If you don't know the difference between an otter and a bear
head over to West Hollywood and ask a park ranger.
We'll be right back but first.