with Christmas finally here what kind of Scrooge McRib II if we didn't release a
Christmas theme to good to evil episode and what better holiday choice then what
I would argue is the greatest Christmas movie ever made home alone after all
there's nothing more festive than watching a little boy who has been
abandoned by his family ruthlessly defend his home against home invaders
using all sorts of violent means no seriously
regardless of how the plot sounds this movie puts you in the holiday spirit
like no other film and with such a great cast of characters who range all over
the moral spectrum we had to give it the good to evil treatment and yes we're
including the sequel home alone - lost in New York and no we're not including
home alone 3 you uncultured swines side now this time since I think the most
evil characters are the most obvious so we're gonna flip it around
start with the evil and end with the good I'm Kyle with wicked bench and this
is home alone evil - good and you wish motion my brother ok first up let's get
the most evil out of the way obviously we gotta go with Harry it goes without
saying that Harry is a thief someone who's willing to steal from anyone
whether it's stealing from families on Christmas or even a toy store that has
its profits going to a Children's Hospital as charity I mean that is a
pretty reprehensibly low morale bar but there's more Harry's personality is
absolutely terrible he is angry cold and bitter he seems to have a really
detestable outlook on everything around him in which he's completely comfortable
stealing from and screwing over anyone who gives him the opportunity
you open your mouth and you'll be spitting gum out - euphoria and let's
not forget how violent he is I get that he was angry after enduring a house of
traps but we really can't feel sorry for him given the fact that he's a criminal
targeting a house with only a child in it he chases an 8 year old in his own
house threatens him with violence and then when he finally catches him he
tries to bite off each of his fingers one at a time what an absolute
psychopath and let's not forget in home alone - he pulled an illegal handgun on
kevin and attempted to kill him with it
this guy is a monster and deserves to be put in prison for the rest of his life
his own fear of going into a church seems to represent the fact that he's
clearly aware of how evil he is maybe when the church not called now let's
move on to his partner Marv part of me wanted to try to find a way to rank Marv
as a bit less evil mainly because of how moronic he is we just broke out of
prison a few days ago my thinking was maybe his stupidity was enough to shock
him up as easily influenced by his smarter partner but no he's almost as
bad as Harry yeah he's stupid but he's not mentally
ill or handicapped so he is most definitely responsible for his actions
and although Marv isn't as violent as his partner he absolutely has no problem
chasing a child in an attempt to rob him it's Santa Claus and itself at the start
of home alone - he also alludes to murdering Kevin when they bump into him
and he has no problem watching his partner try to bite off his fingers in
addition to all that Marv seems to have a real genuine love of thievery and
crime turning on water faucets in people's houses to further ruin their
property just because what I'm saying is Marv deserved every brick of what
happened to now next up is Uncle Frank and I was
really considering giving this scumbag the number two spot but he without a
doubt deserves the bronze dirtbag medal
what an absolute horrible personality on this guy let's break it down he treats
everyone around him terribly and we only see him interact with his own family
imagine how he treats people outside of his circle he's also a leash
you better not wreck my trip you little sour puss your dad's paying good money
for it what's the matter Uncle Frank you can't help your little brother out by
paying for some of those pizzas you cheap jerk my brother's house he'll
take care of it oh and let's not forget that he goes on vacation on his little
brothers dime and still acts like a total a-hole Kevin's right to call him
out on being a cheapskate and also who talks to an eight-year-old child let
alone your own nephew like this little jerk and for what for spilling something
he also responds to the realization that the family forgot Kevin with comparing
the situation to him forgetting his reading glasses makes you feel any
better I forgot my reading glasses showing us that he doesn't even care
about the well-being of his nephew and let's not gloss over the fact that he
just Kayode his own kid with a chair and didn't give an F Uncle Frank is a
scumbag but moving on to another scumbag brilliantly played by Tim Curry we have
the concierge yes Kevin wasn't supposed to be using his dad's credit card but
how does he know that he's way too suspicious of Kevin for no reason the
moment he pops up on screen then when he found out that there was something wrong
instead of confronting Kevin like a normal person would interact with a
child he scares him and chases him away into
dangerous New York City stolen credit card next up we have a bit of a
controversial choice I'm throwing in both of Kevin's parents Kate and Peter
McCallister and just to be clear his mother is worse without question
it's too late get upstairs now I know this might sound harsh yes buzz and the
other kids are jerks - Kevin directly but Kevin's pear
are terrible on and off throughout these two movies and they aren't his siblings
or his cousins they're his frickin parents yes the movies end with
sentimental moments but that doesn't take away from the fact that both of
them continuously single Kevin now and buried him in front of everyone else
despite the fact that Kevin is one of the youngest kids they side with buzz
who's older and obviously always the aggressor
it was very nice they punished Kevin despite the fact that the stuff he does
is always out of defense for himself against buzz in the first movie the mess
was caused because buzz was taunting and poking at Kevin sure Kevin pushed him
but he's half his size in the sequel buzz humiliated Kevin in front of
everyone and as a result caught these hands why are they so harsh on Kevin but
forgiving of buzz when you're ready to apologize to Buzz into the rest of the
family you come down and what's the deal with banishing him to the Attic not once
but twice Kevin you walk out of here you sleep on the third floor what a weird
thing to do and when Kevin claims everyone in the family hates him his
mother doesn't even deny it anyone family hates me maybe you should
ask to Santa for a new family there is obviously a real issue with neglect
towards Kevin in the family and even after his parents seemed to learn their
lesson at the end of the first movie they revert back to treating Kevin like
garbage in the sequel also going back to cheapskate scumbag Uncle Frank
how the actual hell would you ever let your idiot leach brother /
brother-in-law talk to your kid like this little jerk
Uncle Frank should have got a smack in the mouth but no nothing no
consideration to even defend a little Kevin who literally just spilled some
milk okay a terrible one Cate and how about this old couple I get not being
able to give up your plane ticket maybe you have to get home to family totally
understandable but are you really gonna make the desperate mother at the airport
who wants to get home to her kid give you a watch earrings first-class ticket
$500 cash and whatever else serving a watch a pocket translator $500 I'll say
the word again scumbags okay buzz is up next and really
he's the younger family member who's noticeably worse than the rest of the
already crappy relatives don't you know how to knock phlegm wad was is a bully
who like his parents likes to target Kevin specifically why he's such a jerk
I don't know but everything he does the Kevin just seems mean-spirited even by
Big Brother standards he antagonizes him humiliates him in public
and then reacts with total apathy when he finds out his brother was left behind
and possibly in danger officer balls arc is next but really you can probably
include every incompetent police officer in these movies seriously this cop
knocks on the door a couple times and determines that nobody's home despite
all the lights being on and you're telling me there's no follow-up police
report at the end of the first movie really really low standards in this
department but this guy this guy's job is to protect and serve and he responds
to a pretty serious issue of a child being left alone with total apathy you
want us to go to your house just to check on ya do you just sit there we
wouldn't want a child safety to get in the way of your doughnuts we're throwing
in the bellmen here too aka Rob Schneider he seems like he might
be alright at first until he starts snooping around in Kevin's bag when he's
not looking what are you looking for a guy who
snoops in a kid's bag another scumbag that's who okay I'm gonna do my best to
rank the rest of the McCallister's here Jeff and Lenny are the worst of the
remaining relatives Kevin you're such a disease sure they jumped on the let's
bully Kevin bandwagon too and target him exclusively would the French call Liz
incompetent oh really Lenny because you're what
Americans call of King atoll now fuller is a young child but make no mistake he
uses his bedwetting as a direct act of domestic terrorism on the family look at
how he looks at Kevin when someone tells them to not drink so much soda most of
the other relatives can be ranked together as neutral mainly because we
don't see much from them in terms of good or bad this includes rod Tracy
Brooks Sandra and Heather there isn't really much we can say about them given
their lack of personality one way or the other we'd say that Leslie is a
decent person and I suppose we could shock her up on the good side but in all
honesty based on her actions I'd say she's pretty neutral and if she is good
she gets docked a point for marrying scumbag Uncle Frank guilt by association
I say next her on the list is Donald Trump
he's only onscreen for like ten seconds and he's already assisting our hero what
a guy I guess he should probably be ranked as neutral as well
but hey at least he made an attempt to be a decent person to Kevin here unlike
most of the McCallister's now Megan we're gonna defend enough to actually
label her as the first overall good person on the list yes she's mean to her
brother early on but later when it's revealed that he's been forgotten
unlike buzz she shows true genuine concern about his safety he's a little
and helpless do you think he's flipped out so Megan is a good egg unlike the
rest of her family ah finally we're at some genuinely good people we cannot
forget about Gus Polinski polka king of the Midwest polka polka polka oh there's
nothing bad you can say about this guy he went out of his way to reach out to
Kevin's mom at the airport because he knew that something was wrong
and didn't think twice to offer her a ride because he was genuinely concerned
about the well-being of her son then again anyone John Candy plays is
probably gonna be the most likeable character in any movie
moving on to old man Marley despite the terrifying rumors that buzz tells Kevin
old man Marley isn't a murderer he's just a quiet old man who has become
distant to his family he's friendly to Kevin and even as a real genuine
conversation with him which doesn't seem like much but there's a respect there
that Kevin clearly hasn't gotten elsewhere and of course we can't leave
out the fact that he saved Kevin from having his fingers bitten off by cousin
Vinnie the only reason that were ranking him lower than pigeon lady is because he
really makes no attempt to not creep Kevin out in the store pigeon lady is
next and really she acts as the same character type as old man Marley in the
sequel she a compassionate good person and most
importantly she puts her own life in danger to save Kevin's life from two
violent criminals in Central Park one of whom had a gun this tells you a lot
about her character and gives her the bronze medal of good but the silver
medal goes to mr. Duncan the guy who runs the toy store in home alone -
everything about this guy's personality and behavior is pure obviously he scores
big points for donating all the money the store takes in on Christmas Eve to
charity but we know that it's far more than just a tax deduction for him just
listening to him talk about how the charitable act brings joy to him is all
you need to hear to know this guy is a wonderful person and once again we have
someone who treats Kevin with great respect and Kevin's own kind deed
donating money to the charity as well is enough to warm his heart showing that
being a good person is all that this guy's about okay so there's only one
spot left and we've missed the movie's most important character so I'm sure you
know who's getting the gold medal for good the most good character in home
alone is none other than Kevin but how I hear many of you asked more good than
old man Marly and pigeon lady who selflessly rescued Kevin from danger
more good than mr. freaking Duncan who just wants to donate money to charity
more good than the Polka king of the Midwest yes and I'll explain why as
we've discussed Kevin's family is terrible and his parents neglect him in
various ways he's also bullied by siblings and he's treated like a
second-class family member by everyone around him yet he still acts with great
moral character and that's not even factoring in the fact that he is eight
or nine years old mr. Duncan is great sure but he's had his whole life to
build up to that level of moral purity but Kevin already has it he donates
money to mr. Duncan's charity too because he genuinely believes it's the
right thing to do so you can give this to mr. Duncan
the hospital needs more than I do not to mention the fact that he helps others
out with their problems offering oddly sagely advice to old man
morally and pigeon lady what's your point and here's the big thing the end
of home alone too doesn't involve Harry and Marv coming
after Kevin organically Kevin lures them into a house to bring justice to them
for stealing from charity because he knows that the charity is a great moral
cause he puts his own life in grave danger to protect it Kevin is
essentially a vigilante at this point fighting on the side of good now some
people have pointed out that Kevin's traps are too violence both in the first
movie and in the sequel but I don't hold any of this against him at all
kevin has the right to be territorial with defending his home from invaders in
fact I would argue that there is more moral character and backbone in standing
and fighting them like he did than running to the police kevin is a young
man of great integrity a vigilante who is cleaning up the streets of evildoers
all while offering people around him great advice and having high enough
moral character to forgive his family for treating him so poorly I guess what
he did to the pizza delivery guy was kind of screwed up but boys will be boys
anyway what do you think who is the most good and evil characters in home alone 1
& 2 don't forget to binge watch our full good to evil playlist where we analyze
the morality of your favorite shows cartoons and movies but most importantly
Merry Christmas you filthy animal and a Happy New Year