Alright, time now for past the mic.
This is where we like to bring in different
voices for the segment and we
feature lots of local
comedians because we love to make you laugh.
So today we're talking with one of
the oddest American figures out there.
Elon Musk. And you know, dudes out there.
He was once known as an innovative
business leader and dating a beautiful
actress named Amber Heard Fast forward
a few years and he owns a handful
of companies from Tesla SpaceX to
the Boring Company and he's trying
to get attention through whatever
meme pops up on his Twitter feed.
Thankfully, our Elon is played by Tim
Kardashian of the constituents here.
He is talking to Reese about a
solution he created for climate change.
Humanity's time here on this
planet is very, very limited.
And that's why it's super Imperatively
critical that me and Amber as soon
as possible get off to Mars and
start colonizing the 4th planet.
Wow, OK, you just want to up and just
start populating a whole other planet.
Like when are we going to Mars
and and by the way, who is Amber
about that? Yes,
the amber is my ex girlfriend.
Amber Heard the company is called
SpaceX so I'm taking my ex to space.
I don't know. If I hadn't
mentioned that detail before,
but it's a big part of the company,
I bet I can think of 15 million
reasons why Amber Heard might
be ready to get off this planet.
Well, of course,
and I'm very excited to leave as well,
and but I've been planning this
interstellar honeymoon for some time.
We're really, really looking forward to
it due to the latest rise in fuel prices.
Though we can only take the bare minimum,
we have to be very, very efficient,
so it's just going to be me,
amber and a waterproof mattress.
Now I kind of do like the
sound of that to be honest.
What else can you tell us about
it? Well my kids they can't go.
My kids cannot go.
The kids can't go and the reason why
is because we have to be efficient
and Mars isn't a place to raise a kid.
OK so we have to be leaving the children
at home but don't worry I have a plan.
I'm going to leave them here on
Earth to be raised by Nick Cannon.
Well that seems flawless.
I mean I can't think of a
better babysitter than they can
and you did respark your feud
with Bill Gates and I got it.
What are two of America's richest
men doing fighting like children?
Well, I first want to apologize.
All of your vegan viewers at home.
Reese, because there's a lot of
beef between me and Bill Gates.
OK, and this just confirms that we are
all living in the very worst timeline.
OK, kids from the 90s they grew up
with Biggie and Tupac feuding in
the streets and now kids of today
have to deal with Elon Musk and Bill
Gates putting in the tweets. It's
terrible. I mean, I would never
condone violence, but I would TuneIn
for that celebrity boxing match.
Hey, Bill Gates bring it.
I've got my two friends right here.
Apollo and. Princess, let's go.
I'm sorry. What was the
name of your second friend?
Uranus Uranus gotcha. Alright,
fair enough yeah that one. It's
science. I don't know if you'd
follow last science was slow to make
it out, but very scientific last
I'm an engineer now.
Elon last week you said that Tesla
employees need to return to the office
or find new employment the next day.
You said you wanted to cut your staff by 10%.
What advice do you have for
the Tesla employees now?
Sure, here's some advice.
Don't let the gullwing door hit you
in the behind on your way out, OK?
The pandemic is over people.
It's time to get back to work.
If you want to keep working from home,
find a way to zoom your way
over to the unemployment line.
I need employees in the office
now to laugh at my jokes.
Now. Tesla sounds more toxic than
your ex's last relationship.
What would you say to your employees
who are in fear of losing their jobs?
Well, for starters,
you shouldn't surprise you.
Work for the world's most
eccentric billionaire.
OK, I wouldn't put aside the idea that
I might fire employees using a meme.
OK, and the world's most
eccentric billionaire.
I have the technical resources and
the know how to be flipping Batman.
But instead I'd rather just pump
and dump the national economy
with my fake dog currency
for my own entertainment.
Well, I'm sure the folks at Twitter are
looking forward to their new boss clearly.
Oh, you haven't heard I backing out on that.
I'm no longer buying Twitter.
The stock has come down quite a bit.
In fact, the stock's gone down
so much in value, it's actually
started to jiggle, jiggle. Well,
I for one fold Elon
it is. It has been something
so thank you that it has been
time so thank you very much.
Now, if you want to hear more from
Tim as Elon, the constituents
have a show on Sunday, July 10th.
The DC improv with the proceeds benefiting
the capital area food back Bank.