(organ music)
- Welcome to "Worst Ways To Die."
My name is Jovenshire and on this show,
we list the most deplorable ways
to meet the game over screen
in some of your favorite video games.
Today we're covering a game fresh off an HD remake.
So what better time to talk about arguably
the greatest RPG of all time?
So let's delve deep into the worst ways to die
in Final Fantasy VII.
(door clicking)
We find ourselves here at the Pagoda of the Five Mighty Gods
in a series of one on one fights,
trying to get that sweet, sweet, Leviathan Materia.
Now the first four fights before this guy were super easy.
You breezed right by them, so there's no reason
to equip a ribbon to prevent yourself from being turned
into a frog.
(frog croaks)
Okay.
Now you have to start the tournament all over again.
Great, so how about next time we equip the ribbon, yeah?
(frog croaks) Yeah.
(bubbles popping)
Congratulations.
Your party has just acquired a submarine!
Pretty sweet ride, eh?
Just wait until you get the Highwind!
- Spoilers!
- The game is 22 years old!
Now you can explore the murky oceans of Gaia
for treasures, secrets,
and a giant swimming machine monster.
You know you shouldn't touch it.
- I wanna touch it.
- You definitely shouldn't touch--
- [Cloud] I wanna touch it!
- You're probably gonna die if you--
- Woo-hoo!
I touched it.
(explosion booming)
Okay gang, whatever this thing is, we've got 20 minutes to--
- I told you, you shouldn't have touched it.
I see you're trying out your new character Cait Sith!
He joined your party but you still don't really
know what his deal is.
He's like a cat riding a giant toy,
but he's not the one controlling it,
because he's a spy for the bad guys?
But everyone's okay with that.
He seems interesting though, and eventually,
his limit break allows you to test your luck
with a game of slots.
There are so many great outcomes from this limit break.
I wonder what you'll get this time.
Okay.
Nice, oh wow!
Yeah, we might get somethin' good here.
Ah, guess not.
But, hey, we'll still probably do a good amount of damage.
(grunts) This is why nobody
wants to play with you, Cait Sith.
(chips crunching)
It's 1:30 in the morning.
You have to get up early tomorrow,
but this is the final boss
in this legendary behemoth of a game.
Ya gotta give it a try, right?
As the seconds turn to minutes,
you realize this is your longest battle yet.
Every turn is another 20 minutes closer
to when you have to wake up.
Before you know it, it's two a.m.
But you can feel it in your bones.
You're one attack away.
An entire half hour.
Wasted.
You wanna try again, but you have to go to sleep!
Well, what's another 30 minutes?
There she is.
Aeris.
Aerith?
Aer, (coughs) 'scuse me.
What, I don't know!
There was a mix up about her name at the time.
But anyway, you finally reconnect with her.
And then, it happens.
The worst, most gut-wrenching death in the game.
According to many, the worst death in video game history.
Which makes it all the more heartbreaking,
that it's also the moment your little brother
turns off the PlayStation.
Devin!
What are you doing?
Why did you turn off the PlayStation?
- Mom says it's my turn with the TV.
I wanna play Bloody Roar!
- You couldn't have asked?
You had to just turn it off?
- I want to play Bloody Roar.
The humans fight as humans,
and then the humans fight as animals!
- Joven, what's going on in here?
Why are you yelling at your brother?
- Oh come on, mom.
He's not even my real brother.
- Joven!
How dare you!
Why would you say that?
- Because he's not!
He's a fictional narrative device
in an animated listicle web series!
(mom gasps) And because I'm the one
who constructed this reality,
I can do whatever I want with it!
Like I can turn you into a slice of blueberry pie.
- Joven!
You turn that pie back into your brother this instant!
We're having company over!
- And I can turn you into a baby dinosaur!
- Not the mama!
- And there you have it.
The five worst ways to die in Final Fantasy VII.
Are there any deaths you think we should have added?
What piece of pop culture would you like us
to explore next?
Sound off in the comments below,
and don't forget to like this video
and subscribe to this channel.
Until next time, I'm Jovenshire.