Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
'Were you expecting somebody else?'
Whether it's a Colossal man, a giant mantis or just plain old Godzilla,
1950s B movie monsters act as a proxy for the real big bad of nuclear energy.
'A stands for atom'
The Magnetic Monster sets out to, in essence, cut out the middle man.
'I don't follow'
This is radioactive monster movie in which the monster is the radioactive element itself, aiming for realism.
'You can't be serious'
Except that some of the science is nonsense,
'But this is ridiculous, metal objects can't grow'
and some is really dumbed down.
'Our earth is a planet'
Even its take on pregnancy is a bit iffy.
'He said some women never get fat until the last 2 days'
I'm no doctor but that seems really unlikely.
'It was an invert explosion, an implosion'
On the bright side it has one of my favourite lines I've heard in a B Movie.
'The maniac sings with weird voices when it is working'
That's almost a haiku, but what the hell does it mean?
'Who's the maniac?'
'M-A-N-I-A-C, Mathematical Analyser Numerical Integrator And Computer'
'You mean the giant brain machine?'
'MANAIC in short'
Yeah, you really saved some time there.
'Well that settles that'
Matters start innocently enough.
'Someone is wrecking my store with magnetic power'
Causing chaos.
'Look!'
And when the laws of physics are on the fritz, you call Jeff, who is a scientist.
'And a great lover'
I really couldn't speak to that.
Jeff identifies this as the work of a rogue nuclear element.
But where could it be...
'It's in my briefcase'
What did you do to it?
'I kept bombarding it with Alpha Particles'
Why did you do that?
'We had no time to consider the reason for Denker's experiment'
And they never will.
'Can you give us an explanation?'
No. The professor's convenient death allows questions like 'why?'
to be swept under the carpet and never mentioned again, as they rush the element to someplace safe.
'For added protection the a special lead-lined truck had been provided to contain any stray radiation'
Are the windows lead lined?
'I leave that to your imagination'
But of course the story doesn't end there .
'It's doubled it's size'
The element doubles in size every 11 hours and if it continues...
'This element is going to make the earth eccentric, it's going to fly out of its orbit into space'
The problem with this film is that it intentionally falls between two stools,
it doesn't have the science to be a China Syndrome
but doesn't have the monster to be a more traditional B movie, despite lines like...
'We'll use every means at our disposal to recover the radioactive matter. Police will be instructed to shoot to kill.'
What, they're going to shoot a radioactive element?
But presumably he means the person who took the element and has just worded it badly.
'We didn't know where the element was, but we knew it would strike again.'
Again, that's an odd way to talk about something inanimate.
'It's hungry'
And that seems to push matters over the edge.
'4 murders in 2 days'
Murders?
'I'm going to kill that thing I sent you'
The Magnetic Monster has a 'clever' USP, that is also its downfall.
'What?'
They personalise the radioactive element and, fair play, some people will buy into this.
'It's monstrous'
My problem is; these are scientists
‘'Do you remember Newbold's theory of Unipole magnetism?’
No, but if you hum a few bars.
'I don't get it'
Yet they refer to the element in this personal fashion right from the start.
'Whatever it is, it can't hide from us'
Also, it's structured as a monster movie, building anticipation for a type of film this was never going to be.
'Or it will reach out with its electric arm and grab at anything within its reach. And kill it.'
So they feel the need to create a conclusion more in keeping with that type of film.
'Now you'll have to stop the generators!’
Pitting scientist against scientist.
'You'll drown! You and 400 men - all of you!'
For no obvious reason, to force an explosive climax.
Before delivering a weird moral coda about recreational sex.
'Done through love the result is a baby a lovely thing.'
'But without love, done with hate or through fear, the result is a monster.'
I'm genuinely in two minds about the Magnetic Monster;
is it a film with a good idea that didn't have the budget or scientific grounding to realise it?
'We're witnessing the secret of creation'
Or was personalising a radioactive element always going to be silly.
'But this is preposterous'
Either way, it didn't work, but it was nice to watch a different take on a familiar subject.
'It's gone'
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What other cult movies have gone the serious science route and being tripped up by their own ambition?
Let us know your favorites in the comments below.
'Bye Honey'