- That's nuts, that's nuts.
I'm so excited, you are inspiring.
I would honestly worship you.
Hey I'm Alexander Greer and this is The Traffic Show.
Let's welcome today's guest.
(upbeat music)
Hey there, how are you?
- Fine, how are you?
- [Alex] Good, what's your name?
- David.
- [Alex] David, my name's Alex.
- Nice to meet you Alex.
- [Alex] I'm hosting a talk show
that takes place in people's cars
during rush hour traffic.
Do you wanna me on?
- Yeah let's do it.
- All right let's welcome our first guest.
Hey there how's it going?
Thank you.
How are you doing?
- [David] Good, how are you?
- Fantastic.
Internet, you might know him
as the man that slightly resembles
silent film star Douglas Fairbanks.
You ever get that?
- Who's that?
- Silent film star Douglas Fairbanks.
- Oh yeah.
- Juan David.
Nice to meet you today.
- Nice to meet you too.
- Juan David.
- Vamanos.
What do we got here?
- You can have one.
- They're cookies?
- Yeah they're cookies, chocolate chip macadamia.
- So I can have one of these?
- You can have 'em, they're delicious.
- Delightful.
I can't keep eating it,
so I'm gonna put it in my suit.
Let's start off, I'm gonna ask you
a few simple getting to know you questions.
- Okay.
- Where you from?
- I was born in Los Angeles, native angelino.
My family lives in Mexico.
- What is your favorite color of M&M?
- Blue.
- What size shoe do you wear?
- It depends.
Nine and a half or 10.
- You don't identify with any one particular shoe size?
- No, never.
- Your shoe size fluid.
How many pillows do you sleep with?
- Two.
- If the future doesn't exist until it becomes the present,
and the present isn't processed until it becomes the past,
and the past is ultimately a subjective recollection
of the future present continuum,
then is there any moment of time
in which we actually exist?
Or are we all just byproducts
of a psychological machine of myth making?
- Wow.
♪ Drive like what ♪
♪ Drive like how drive ♪
- Our next game is called drive like.
You ready to play?
- Ready.
- Drive like it's your birthday,
but you had a twin brother who died during childbirth,
so it's a really sad day for you too.
(sad music)
Remember it's your birthday though,
so it's a happy day.
- But it's my brother's birthday too.
- Yeah it's sad there, but it's also your day.
- Okay, then we have to be,
I mean I gotta celebrate for both of us.
- Yes.
- It's party.
- It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to.
I'll cry if I want to.
- David.
Drive like you're from the 1400s.
- 1400s, Saint John of the Cross,
Saint Ignace of Loyola, and Saint Teresa of Avila, okay.
- Wait did you just list off a bunch of saints?
- I did.
- Drive like you're on your way to get stamps.
That's how you drive to get stamps?
What are you mailing?
♪ Its easy to see ♪
♪ Now rap to me road rage reduction ♪
Our next segment is called road rage reduction.
Juan David what makes you angry on the road?
- You know, I'm sort of a peaceful calm cool collected guy.
- You seem like a cool cucumber.
- Cool cucumbers are cool.
- Cucumbers are cool.
- Yeah so nothing gets me really mad,
because if you get mad
you just ruin your own day.
So it's better to be, you know.
- Zen.
- Do you wanna try emotional venting,
stir up some of the anger
that you've hidden deep down with inside of you?
- Okay let me.
Yeah I've gotta practice this a little.
(groans)
Okay, one, two.
(yells)
- That's good.
(laughing)
♪ Let's get your personal space ♪
♪ How close I can get to your space ♪
♪ Honk when I get too close ♪
♪ When I get too close honk your horn ♪
Our next segment is called personal space check.
Are you ready to play?
- I really don't have personal space.
- I sense that with you.
And I wanna check to see just how far
the depths of your personal space
or absence thereof goes.
- Okay.
- If we hit the depths of your level of personal space,
you need to honk your horn.
- Okay.
- Okay? - Okay.
(upbeat music)
oh you, oh you're backing up,
you're rubbing noses.
Oh my God you're just totally into it.
♪ How long how long how long how long ♪
♪ How long can you stay stopped ♪
Our next game is called how long can you stay stopped.
Are you ready to play?
- Ready.
- People are gonna honk.
- They're gonna honk.
- And you're gonna be okay with that?
- I'm gonna be okay with it.
- You are so chill man.
Ready?
- Ready.
- Set. - Set.
- Stop.
You have such calmness in your eyes.
Oh my God.
This is a religious experience for me.
We're at 41 seconds, we've been stopped
for 45 seconds in traffic.
You're in park by the way might I add.
That's a minute, that's a minute.
You did it.
Oh my God that's crazy.
Juan David, winner and champion of air freshener.
- Yeah what flavor?
- You got coral reef.
- Oh that sounds cool.
- I promise you it doesn't smell like trash or death.
♪ Gushing on a guest yeah ♪
♪ Oh I've got a gush ♪
You are just so calm and zen and focused, teach me.
Can we make a religion after you?
If you keep giving me macadamia chocolate chip cookies
I will worship you.
- You got one in your pocket, remember?
- I do that's my sacrament.
I would worship you and eat your macadamia nut cookies
whenever you told me to.
- You can have my macadamias.
- You can have my macadamia nuts
when you pry them from my cold dead fingers.
But you don't have cold dead fingers.
You have warm nice inviting gracious fingers.
I am very inspired by you right now,
I'm not putting on an act.
Juan David thank you so much for coming on the show.
- No thank you Alex.
- I really appreciate it, you have a good day.
- Thank you so much.
- Love having you on.
I'll have a hug.
Oh Juan David hug time.
♪ Come on get on down ♪